somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

11. Love is Enough June 29, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:36 pm
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     ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 3 children. Here are their ages/genders: All boys, ages 4, 9 and 11

I am a teacher, so I work full-time during the school year – off all summer!

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

I own.

I completed graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m just a plain old white farm girl.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  My parents are still married and happy!
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, and pick your battles!
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  They do not listen to me!  EVER
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Ugh…there are so many….
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. They think that their children are so perfect, when they are such brats!  I KNOW my kids are evil!  LOL
  6. I am happiest when. My family is all together, snuggled in safe for the night.
  7. I am saddest when. I feel like I am just not doing everything I should be to ensure my family is happy.
  8. My biggest fear. Losing someone who I love so much, again.  
  9. I am ashamed of.  My weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive.   I always forgive.  ALWAYS.  Life is way too short to hold a grudge.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I am pretty outspoken and I speak my mind.  
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I have thought about suicide on more than one occasion.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My weight – I am SO FAT!
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My babies.
  15. I wish. I had more money.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. LOVE is enough, no matter what you do, nobody will ever love you like your momma does!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. It is ok to be firm, and to stand your ground.  Your kids will love you for it later.  
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I am a Christian, but I do not think that you have to behave any certain way to please others.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope that my husband and I can find our way back to one another. 
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. 
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comment
 

10. The Loves of My Life June 27, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:41 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 24 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.

I stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).

I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.

I live rural.

I own.

I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. 
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while cosleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is is angling for more attention for themselves.
  6. I am happiest when. I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
  7. I am saddest when. I see children suffer.
  8. My biggest fear is. That my children may suffer, too.
  9. I am ashamed of.  My weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. Up.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My natural birth!
  15. I wish. That people would open their eyes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. She was right all along!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Let your children be children.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I will be 30 lbs lighter!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I think. A lot.
 

9. I’m Afraid We’ve Ruined Her Already June 25, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:11 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child.  She is 3 months old.

I usually work part-time, when I’m not on maternity leave.

I am lower-middle.

I live rural, but grew up urban.

I own.

I completed an undergrad degree.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background:  I’m about as Canadian as you can get.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.It would have to be the impact my grandma had on my life.  There were plenty of ups and downs, but she was constant.  She was a strong woman who set an example of strong faith and strong love.  And she gave the best hugs of anyone I’ve ever known.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Take the time you need to heal after labour and delivery.  Everyone can meet the baby later, she’s not going anywhere!  Take as much help as you can get, spend as much time as you can in bed with your baby, and rest rest rest!
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. She sleeps a lot during the day… I know, I’m sure there are plenty of moms who WISH their baby would sleep a lot during the day, but every time she takes a nap I envision another hour in the middle of the night that I’ll be dealing with a fussy baby (which actually seldom happens).  Though I honestly wouldn’t know what to do with her if she was awake all day and I’d probably just start worrying about that.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  The days I’m too tired and don’t feel like mothering.  I really don’t want to be that kind of mom.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The apparent lack of empathy.  For some reason “empathy” in mommyland seems to be expressed as “let me tell you how much worse my life is and why you have no reason to complain.  Baby isn’t sleeping well?  Well you’re lucky he sleeps at all, MY baby didn’t sleep a wink for the first 13 years of his life”.  It’s like it’s a mommy version of our parents’ “when I was your age, I had to walk to school barefoot, uphill, both ways, in the snow, with my seven brothers and sisters on my back…”.  Since we’ve all been through hard mommy days, let’s just say “ooh, that’s hard.  Don’t worry, it’ll pass” instead of trying to out-do each other’s war stories, ok?
  6. I am happiest when.  We’ve all had enough sleep.  Oh how happiness reigns in this house after a good night’s sleep!
  7. I am saddest when.  I think of the people she won’t meet and won’t get to have the impact on her that they had on me.
  8. My biggest fear.  I’m afraid we’ve ruined her already.  We had a rocky start and I’m afraid she’ll grow up insecure and timid because of the instability of her first few months.
  9. I am ashamed of.  My selfishness.  Aren’t mothers supposed to be naturally selfless and sacrificial?  Sometimes I’d still rather watch TV than interact with my beautiful daughter.  It’s awful.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Myself and my husband, in advance, for not being the perfect parents I wish we could be.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I need help.  Lots of it.  Every day.  But I don’t know how to ask for it.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I always wanted to have kids.  I just said I didn’t because I didn’t want to get my hopes up or have people feel sorry for me if it didn’t happen.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I’m trying to learn to ask for help.  I’m trying to let go of my fears about ruining her and just focus on loving her instead.  I’m trying to go easier on my husband since I know he just seems more irritating because I’m so tired.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  As cheesy and new-mothery as it sounds, my biggest accomplishment is having my daughter.  Three months ago, I would have said graduating college or my career or something like that, but seriously, pushing that kid out is by far the biggest, baddest thing I’ve ever done!
  15. I wish.  Our families were closer.  Or even just one family member.  Or just a nice group of mommy friends nearby… I wish for company.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Hugs heal.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  It’s never too late to start getting it right.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  It’s an anchor, it grounds me to something solid when life is trying to throw me overboard.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I hope I’ll have figured out SOMETHING about how to be a mom!  I hope we’ll have all settled into our new family, I hope my daughter will be happy and healthy, I hope my husband and I will have time for each other, and I hope my brain will come back to me!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  You know how everyone always says “I can’t even remember what life was like before my child came along…”?  I can.  I remember it well – I slept more then.  My husband and I snuggled up on the couch and watched movies together.  We went on dates.  We travelled on the spur of the moment.  I called my friends (and didn’t talk about poop!).  I read books.  I used my brain for nobler purposes than keeping track of feeding and bathing and poop.  But, despite missing all that, I still like life better now that she’s in it.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What are your dreams for your children?  What do you know now that you wish you knew when you were a new parent?  How has your child(ren) changed you?
 

8. Becoming a Mother has Taken Me by Surprise June 23, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 1:40 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 1.5 years/ Male

I stay home.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Chinese

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. When I think back on my childhood, I feel that my parents were not very present. My mother did drive us to and from school every day, she did take us to extra classes and activities, but for the most part, my best childhood memories do not include them. I was the third child of 4 kids, and always felt like I was the odd one out. I craved their attention by alternating being a goody two shoes and a devil child. I had and still do, a fairly complicated relationship with my mother.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of  child rearing that I just went through. My son has just entered toddlerhood. He surprises me daily with how much he actually understands by way of words and actions. Be a good example. Talk to them a lot. Engage with them all the time.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). He cries and screams when he doesn’t get his way. I wish he’d handle his frustrations better but he’s only a toddler. It’s my responsibility to teach him the coping skills he needs.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When he pooped when we were out and I had no change of clothes, and one time, not even spare diapers. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. I try not to judge and get annoyed with other mothers. We don’t know what happens in their lives, how they make the choices that they do. However, when I see mothers out and about with their children, and leave them with their nannies, and do not engage with them at all, that disturbs me slightly. (Where I live, it’s very common for families to hire live-in nannies to look after the children.)
  6. I am happiest when. My son is happy.
  7. I am saddest when. I think about the fact that one day, my son won’t need me anymore.
  8. My biggest fear. That I will die before my time and leave my son motherless.
  9. I am ashamed of. Nothing.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My mother, for being partially responsible for the relationship we have now.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Thank you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I really want my second child to be a boy.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Be more open to accepting help when it’s offered.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. It’s a work in progress. But I think parenting successful, contributing members of society, will one day be my biggest accomplishment.
  15. I wish. For a second baby. Now. Now. Now.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Be there, be present, talk, engage, don’t judge, don’t favor, say I love you, hug.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. No matter how old we are, we always seek our fathers’ advice.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I have faith.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. That I will be a mother of two.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Becoming a mother, a parent, has taken me by surprise. It takes my breath away, my love for my boy. It takes my breath away, my desire to ensure he has the best. It takes my breath away, my worries that the big bad world will get him somehow. 
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Would I have chosen motherhood sooner? Yes and no. Yes, because I’d like to have been younger when I had my son. No, because I know I make a better mother now, with the life experience I have had.
 

7. Unicorns, Rainbows, and Yelling, Oh My! June 21, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 12:06 am
Tags: , , , , , ,
     ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am common-law.

I have 1 son who is 12 weeks and 4 days old as I write this.

I currently stay home on maternity leave, but will return to my full-time job in March 2012.

I am middle.

I live rural.

I rent-to-own. 

I completed high school, and have gone to university (but didn’t graduate).

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My maternal grandfather was born in Germany, moved to Canada as a young boy and fought as a Canadian soldier in WWII. My maternal grandmother’s family is Irish. Everything about the paternal side is English/Scottish as far as I know.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents raised me to make my own decisions from an early age and to not tolerate lying, cheating or stealing.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. It’s not as easy as other people make it look. Follow your instincts and don’t let other people dictate what you do in regards to your child. You’re the mother, you what’s best for you and your child.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child is nothing. My son is awesome. He’s been sleeping through the night since about seven or eight weeks, he’s happy and growing like a weed. In fact if I’m concerned about anything it’s that he’s outgrowing everything, including his cradle. I don’t really want him to sleep in his own room yet…
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When my son was about four or five weeks old, I yelled and swore at him because he woke me up at 3 am and flatly refused to go back to sleep for the rest of the night. I was so tired and frustrated that I lost it on him and woke up my partner with my yelling/cursing. I felt so bad afterwards that I promised my son I would never do that again no matter how tired and frustrated I got because he had really done nothing to deserve that kind of treatment from his mommy. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. When they let their kids walk all over them. I’m sorry, but when I was a kid, if I treated or talked to my mother the way I’ve seen kids (especially teenagers) treat/talk to their mothers these days, I would have been in the biggest trouble ever. What happened to respect? The mother is the parent and should not be letting her kids get away with disrespecting her.
  6. I am happiest when my son smiles at me. He has the most awesome smile. My partner says it’s made of unicorns and rainbows, and I think he’s right.
  7. I am saddest when my son cries and pouts. It completely breaks my heart when he gets upset like that and pouts at me like he’s just the saddest person on the planet and I can’t figure out why. I know he’s not that sad, he’s got a really happy disposition, but the pouts just get me.
  8. My biggest fear is that I will do something that will screw my son up for life in some way. I don’t think I will, but I’m not perfect, so you never know.
  9. I am ashamed of the fact that I yelled and cursed at my son.
  10. Something I need to forgive is the fact that I yelled and cursed at my son. Yes, I’m hung up on that, but it was a big moment for me. It helped me realize that I need to chill out. I haven’t forgiven myself for it even though I have chilled out significantly since then.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone is “I hope that when you visit this summer that you actually make time for us and we don’t have to go to you for that to happen.”
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I’m afraid of somehow failing as a mother and not doing everything I can for my son to prepare him for life in this world.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. I’ve been trying to stop being so hard on myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Bringing my son into this world. I had a rough labor that ended in a c-section because I instinctively knew if we kept going, my son would die. The next day, a nurse told me not to feel bad that it ended in a c-section instead of a vaginal birth. My response was “It never crossed my mind…why would I feel bad? I made the decision for my son and myself…it was the right one, and I would never feel bad for that.”
  15. I wish that my son’s grandparents will all be around for a long time and that he will ask them anything he wants to know before they’re gone and it’s too late. 
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Listen and don’t judge what my child says. My mother has always listened to what I had to say, and because of that I consider her to be one of my best friends…even when I was a teenager (a time when most kids hate their mother).
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Don’t fall into gender role traps. My father nurtured my love of cars, hunting and fishing when I was a kid, even though those are things more likely to be enjoyed by a boy.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Complex.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope we have less debt.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above is that I overcame a past abusive relationship. In spite of the trauma that was for me, I am strong, healthy and happy now. It helped shape who I am today, and while I would never wish a situation like that on anyone, it was an experience I would not want to change because of what it taught me.
 

6. Father’s Day Special: Somefather’s Story June 19, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 1:55 pm
Tags: , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers and somefathers know what they have in common with you).

I am 37 years old. My window for becoming a pro athlete is closing quickly.

I am happily married

I have 3 children. 2 daughters, 5 and 3 and a son approaching 1 year.

I work fulltime, although some may debate this definition.

I am upper-middle.  Getting a little soft around the middle.

I live urban, work urban and rural, but love my remote.

I co-own with the friendly banker.

I completed a doctorate , although often feel like a grammar school level father. 

I am straight, and love my wife’s curves.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Conservative Canadian, by way of Scandinavian descent.  In other words, love my coffee and cakes and socialized healthcare.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Having a close relationship with my sibling and parents.  Knowing that whatever the day holds, however challenging, that I had an awesome family to come home to, go on brilliant vacation with and share the challenges of childhood life. It has taught me to not take the simple things for granted.  What’s important to my kids, even the simplest of details, is important to me.   
  2. My best advice to fathers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Take time for the simple things.  Freeze frame in your mind the simple interactions in life.  Hearing your son say ‘da-da’ or your daughters gentle giggles as you tickle them.  I have taken a few opportunities to video tape my kids engaging in sometimes simple, routine activities: speaking, laughing and reading bedtime stories, as I know these are some of the greatest joys in life, that will last but a moment.  
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Is also a fear…they are growing so quickly, it sometimes strikes me with sadness that some of the moments I cherish most, I will never experience again. Reading bedtime stories, that my eldest can in many cases read for herself, or sharing with my son his first hotdog.  Hey, there are some special moments, in this case questionable meats, that even a 1-year-old can’t resist.
  4. My absolute worst fathering moment (so far).  I’m embarrassed to say there have probably been many, but most memorable (or hopefully stricken from the record) to me was being so angry inside at my girls for something probably ridiculous in hindsight when I know they didn’t deserve it (they never deserve it). Consequently,  they were bathed, and dressed in PJs and dumped into bed without bedtime stories, so that daddy could have some selfish personal time, probably for a TV show that means nothing in comparison to the lost story and tickles time that means so much for them, and probably even more for me.  Shame on me.  
  5. What annoys me most about other fathers. Those who seem to have plenty of time to force their principles on you, or raise their eyebrows when you demonstrate a deviated plan of child rearing action from their game book.  Different strokes for different folks, buddy.  Don’t be so surprised when I tell you I don’t vaccinate.   
  6. I am happiest when.  I have unabridged time with my wife and kids.  Free to take them to places they love to be (the park, swimming pools) and sharing with them places I love to be (hardware store, ice cream shop, camping in the mountains, sports events)
  7. I am saddest when I miss my kids special days like concerts, and performances because I have to work.
  8. My biggest fear is not being able to completely provide for my kids - whether it’s having the answers to some of their biggest challenges (boyfriends, girlfriends, drugs, peer pressure), money to give them all the programs, activities and items they deserve, or just being the perfect dad all kids deserve but few may ever get.
  9. I am ashamed of my behavior when I am too hard on the kids.  They are perfect, brilliant gems that don’t need episodes of scolding or yelling.  
  10. Something I need to forgive. Those whom I feel may have wronged me or my wife and/or kids that really only just ends up getting in the way of having a focused, emotionally pure family relationship. Lets just get on with life.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Stop being angry.  Stop dwelling in the armchair of hurt and maintaining your wall of separation and get on with a productive, loving, healing life.  You’re not doing yourself, your family, or our family any favors.  You know who you are.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  That I, am man, just completed my first woman’s blog quiz, on a site called Somemother, on a weekend when the US open Golf tournament is on all the channels and other men are probably golfing, BBQing steak or drinking beer.  Please don’t tell the guys. 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Patience.  That illusive, desirable trait, that my tank is often low on.  
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Like everyone else, who has spent many years working hard on their trade or limitation or education.  I guess I could say in my case, it is my education.  I didn’t accomplish my kids or my marriage, although those are my greatest sources of love and which I am definitely most proud.
  15. I wish my kids dad drove a Porsche.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Even when you think you have the best, closest, most nurturing, and supportive people rooting for you, the feeling of that eternal source of safety can slip away at the drop of a hat. Always make your kids feel impartially loved. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Being there for your kids.  Long work days allows you to buy many things except for time, very precious time, with your kids. Never bring your work home.  Along with the long hours, never did I see him come through the front door with a briefcase or calculator.  When a dad is home, he is completely home.  Thanks Dad.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. While Keifer Sutherlands would suggest  the only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and the Lord our God.” (wasn’t A Few Good Men a great movie), I would more accurately describe my faith as being a devoted follower of Jesus Christ.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Busy enough at work to allow me to take a weekday off here and there to spend with my wife and kids, without feeling guilty about the time off.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. How would I describe myself…A very proud father and husband.  I can answer many questions about my limitations and frustrations with my life, myself and others, but one thing that I truly know for certain is my love for my wife and my kids.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. I can’t stand that person who… walks their dog up to your child and enthusiastically states “don’t worry, Patches doesnt bite, he loves kids” and proceeds to encourage their dog to lick your child’s face, like my baby yearns to have a big, stinky mutt licking their cheek like it’s some type of rawhide flavoured ice cream cone.  Please don’t be that guy.
 

5. I Wish to Slow Down Time… June 15, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 9:16 pm
Tags: , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 47 years old.
I am married.
I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: Two boys, 15 yrs & 19 yrs old.
I work two part-time jobs.
I am middle upper.
I live urban.
I own.
I completed a diploma in secretarial arts.
I am straight.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: nothing noted.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Came from a traditional background, both parents worked full-time, one sibling a younger brother, always felt safe, loved and cared for.  Felt my parents were too strict, not enough flexibility.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Listen to them always, no matter what the age, they have a voice and will constantly surprise you with their views, insights and sense of humour.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Not having enough self-confidence, believing that they can do anything they set their minds and hearts to.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). For my oldest watching him make choices that are not so good in my opinion, drinking, drugs, partying :( I know I did the very same things, but as a parent it is heart breaking to watch. For my youngest, feeling him slip away into his life, not wanting to be around me, go places with me, even be in the same room watching T.V. lol, miss his constant need for me to be there for him.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Controlling, being impatient, or bragging. Your child/children will always humble you usually when it is the most embarrassing.
  6. I am happiest. When they were younger, playing games with them, bike riding, watching movies, reading to them, snuggles, watching them learn.
  7. I am saddest. When they see me as a naggy mom, use hurtful words.
  8. My biggest fear. That for whatever reason, they don’t find what makes them the happiest, or  not being passionate about life and not staying in touch with me or their siblings.
  9. I am ashamed of. Nothing. There was no handbook given to me when I choose to become a mom, only my experiences growing up and listening to friends, etc. So each new day, year, gives me another chance to make changes or to try again!
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents, as I feel they never let me believe in myself.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Try to always express my feeling to my kids, as you never know what tomorrow brings.  But right now, not knowing what to say to my 15 yr old who is going through his first love/heartbreak.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. That as much as I treasure being a mom, I wonder what my life would have been like without them?
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. More self-confident. Not striving for bigger, better, etc. Just being present in the now.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Finally allowing myself at 47 to find out what I am passionate about.
  15. I wish. For my children, husband and my family to continue loving one another, being non-judgemental, forgiving those who may hurt us, not holding onto negative feelings, or thoughts, giving much love and kindness each day to the people we meet. 
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. To reach out to those around you.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. To be positive, do things for others, caring, a sense of humour, support.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. We all have the ability to be good, kind, loving beings – what you put out into the universe comes back to you.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Find a career/job that make me happy and fulfilled.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I wish to slow down time, as the past 19 years have sped by, not really capturing where I am now as a mom. Truly wish I could have been more present with each new phase they went through. What a gift I  have been given, two beautiful souls given to me to love and watch grow. I can only hope for grandchildren, to experience it again!
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  What made you want to become a parent?
 

4. This New Mom’s Journey, Full of Grace June 12, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:21 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am soon to be 36 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 3 month old daughter. And a dog.

I work full-time. Part of me wishes that I didn’t have to work, that I could stay home with my daughter.  The other part of me is very glad to escape to the grown-up world every day, where people drink coffee and complain about the weather. 

I am middle.

I live in a subdivision with lots of sidewalks, dogs and kids.

I have an associates degree that I don’t use for my role in corporate America.

I am mostly heterosexual, according to Dan Savage.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background:  I hope that if I always respond to the “what race are you” query by answering HUMAN, that stupid, immaterial question will go away one day.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I went to six different grade schools because my family moved every year. My parents weren’t military; they were just gypsies, trying to find the right spot, the right job and the right situation for our family.  It taught me how to adapt to almost any situation.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Be patient!  Cluster feedings and sleepless nights will pass.  You’ll wonder where the time went and start to understand what your parents meant when they said that you grew up too fast.  My three-month old doesn’t stay put on the floor where I put her anymore.  She doesn’t crawl, and she doesn’t roll…she just hitches her way across the carpet on her back. No one told me someone so young would be able to do that.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. I worry that I’m not worrying enough.  She’s had a cough since Mother’s Day. I have too.  I figure that if mine hasn’t gone away, why should hers?  It’s terrible.  I should just call the pediatrician but every other parent I know has told me not to worry about this little cough. They tell me day care kids have coughs all the time.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). The moment that I realized I would have to do the mothering all by myself. I didn’t do nearly enough reading or research. My mother was a nurse for 20 + years and I assumed that I would just call her with any questions or problems I had. Unfortunately, she had an AVM three days after the baby was born.  Mum lived, but she had to have brain surgery and is largely incapacitated at the moment.  She can’t help me and I really can’t help her.  I start to cry every time I think about it.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Some mothers seem to pay more attention to their cell phones than their children. Put down the phone, pick up the kid.
  6. I am happiest when my daughter smiles at me.  My heart did flip-flops the first time she smiled – for real – because I was talking to her.
  7. I am saddest when I think about my mom missing all of this.
  8. My biggest fear is that I’ll do something wrong and emotionally or physically scar my daughter for life.
  9. I am ashamed of how hard I am on my husband.  The poor guy works six days a week and yet I want him to do more.  Tonight, he ran the dishwasher.  Half the dishes and none of the bottles were in it. I was irritated that it made more work for me rather than being grateful that he even tried at all. I really need to start appreciating him more.
  10.  Something I need to forgive. My husband for not getting it right the first time.  It’s just stupid stuff and I need to relax.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Thank you for being patient with me.  I’ll try to be more patient with you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I had an abortion five years ago and I don’t regret it.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. I’m trying to stop being an anal-retentive witch.  Maybe some little thing isn’t being done to my standards, but it is being done.  I need to just let it go.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. I’ve made it this far. Everyone in my house is healthy, fed, and clean…at least for the moment.
  15. I wish my daughter a long, healthy, happy life full of joy and wonder.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. You learn a great many things just by listening and sometimes, listening is all that someone needs from you.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Children are not fragile and can go anywhere you go (within reason).
  18. How I would describe my faith life. A journey, full of grace, that can’t be contained by one religion or relegated to one day each week.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope that my mum and my kid will both be walking.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. My mom told me the day after the baby was born that my priorities should be God, myself, and my family, in that order.  God will see you through a great many things but if you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be of any use to anyone.
 

3. What We Strive for When They are Young…./…Fear When We are Old June 10, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:14 pm
Tags: , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 59 years old.

I am married.

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: 36-year-old boy/man, 35-year-old boy/man, 34-year-old boy/man, 30-year-old daughter

I stayed at home when raising kids.

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

I rent.

I completed a 2 year nursing program.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian…

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents were alcoholics, my father worked for companies in multiple countries so we traveled a lot, there was very little security or continuity in my young life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I went through. 37 years ago. Try and enjoy the moment realizing that the fatigue, frustrations, anxiety and challenges will go away, be dealt with and are a part of the game. Time truly does pass faster than you can believe and there are so many things I wish now that I had done with my children. I watch mine with my grandchildren now and I’m pleased that they are taking that advice.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Many things concerned me about mine…my main concern was making sure that they always felt secure and loved. You can climb any mountain if you are propelled by both.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being the one that had to make the decision to put my son through a surgical procedure that I knew was going to be painful and require a long recovery…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The two extremes…the overly protective paranoid mother and the mother that is so unconcerned she’s almost catatonic. 
  6. I am happiest when. I get to spend time with my adult children and enjoy them…their humor, personalities and successes…and I know I had a little part in all of them. Don’t get me started on the grandkids.
  7. I am saddest when. I look back and realize the mistakes I made with them…the times I was too self-absorbed to realize they were in pain and needed an ear. Those times haunt me.
  8. My biggest fear. That at some point my children will feel that they no longer need me in their life…independence is complete. It’s what we strive for when they are young…what we fear when we are old.
  9. I am ashamed of. The moments I lashed out in anger…usually never justifiable.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for what they did to me.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m sorry your father and I fought so hard at times…and that it made you cry. I saw you…I should have made it stop.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I was molested…once… by a friend of my mother and fathers…I hated him…and them for not protecting me.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. I’m unsettled…I need to be happy with where I am.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. The kids
  15. I wish.I could do portions of my life over.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.Be honest with your children…follow through on promises or don’t make them…and that love can make up for disappointments. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.To give a little bit of yourself and your time is more important than all the money you throw at a child.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Strong faith but very accepting of other faiths and differences…many paths to the same destination.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. current location…closer to the kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Not really
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Questions are good…
 

1. Keeping the kids out of prison, one single mother at a time June 5, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 9:45 pm
Tags: , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am twice divorced, because I am better at raising kids than I am at raising husbands. (Don’t comment I need therapy, it’s a joke. As in, HA HA)

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: my girls are 15 & 11 and my boys are 5 & 6.

I have been unemployed for over 1 year and am now a student again.

I am now lowest of the low, but aspire to go back to middle.

I live urban.

I rent.

I completed my undergrad degree with another in progress.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Average white bread American. Not toasted.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Being placed into a group home for “troubled kids” when I was 14. It forced me to realize that I had to conform to obeying authority figures and work on being a good human in general instead of focusing solely on myself. It also gave me many gifts of learning normal daily habits that were previously unknown to me, such as proper house cleaning, how to interact with people (I was shy), etc. I spent 1.5 years there and they ended up being the most significant time of my life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. “Roll with it baby!” Every stage is different with each kid, and sometimes you are going to want to sell your kids and sometimes they are the sweetest gift ever. Don’t get so bogged down in freaking out about a stage because by the time you figure that one out they are in a new stage.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). The impact of two divorces, and different custody schedules & home routines in a total of three different houses. It is exhausting and difficult enough for me to maintain their schedules (I have 4 kids on some days and 2 on others) but for them it is down right confusing. Every morning I drop them at school and have to explain who is picking them up and which siblings they get to see today. I worry this will drive them insane or at least lead to depression, anxiety, etc.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). So many to choose from…probably staying with my 2nd after he hit me, which resulted in him hitting one of the kids next. I left my husband that night but will always wonder why it wasn’t enough to leave when it was focused on me; why I let him near my children knowing it was a possiblity-however remote I believed it to be; what will that child remember (so far nothing, it was minor in physical damage terms); and finally how will I explain to those two children in the future when they ask why we divorced? The older ones know the truth, plus the paperwork exists that exposes it in detail, so lying isn’t an option.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The perfection game: the moms who can’t accept that we are all getting on-the-job-training for a position we thought would be vastly different. Who knew how much poop we would have to deal with? Enough with the “my Jimmy is so perfect because” crap: the truth is we all suck in varying degrees on different days(even the kids) and we are all just trying to cope and keep our kids out of prison.
  6. I am happiest when my kids are playing nicely, being sweet, and I have chocolate and caffeine nearby.
  7. I am saddest when my kids are away (the next person who tells me weekends off are WONDERFUL will.get.a.black.eye! They are not wonderful. How about you send your kids away every other weekend with the neighborhood creeper guy and see how you handle it?)
  8. My biggest fear is not preparing my kids for life. I am a young mom, and I get things wrong a lot, but I don’t want to produce adults that are negative, or a drain on society. I want to produce positive kids that make a difference in life and are good people. Oh, and that my one son dies early. He has tried to a few times, and I want him to live a long life.
  9. I am ashamed of lots of stuff. Really. My biggest is how I handled a situation with trying to help a friend and ending up telling her story to people I shouldn’t have. I have plenty of excuses (like, cuz I am an idiot?) but bottom line is I should have keep my nose out of it.
  10. Something I need to forgive. I need to truly forgive my parents for their roles in my upbringing.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I wish I could tell my grandmother and grandfather how much I miss them and I wish I had/could have used my time with them on Earth more wisely, not realizing they would be gone so soon.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I regret ever moving in with my dad in more ways than I can express. In my desire to know more I helped create a disaster. I should have let him stay an almost stranger.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Trying to know myself more, listen to myself more, not bow to peer pressure, and really actually try and lose some weight :)
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Surviving and thriving in the midst of life crumbling around me multiple times. I could totally write my life’s story and you would think it was a soap opera.
  15. I wish for a lot of things. Mostly a comfortable life for my kids without such heartache. Although some lottery money would be great!
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Paying attention to your kids when they are little is more important than when they are older! Because it does matter to them if you can or can’t remember how they like their sandwiches.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Throwing money at a “problem” doesn’t make it better. I would rather have real face-to-face conversations than all the money in the world.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Emerging, growing, but in need of better tending by me.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I will have more money to support us, although I doubt it.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. My third child has mild special needs which his father doesn’t want to be involved in. His issues were much bigger when he was younger, but now he is “almost normal”. However, we still deal with multiple therapy appointments a week, and there are things he may never be able to do, like organized sports, etc.  Through his life he has shown me that he is the coolest kid in the world and has me in awe of how he handles his setbacks!
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What one decision in your life would you take back? Mine is easy, I would not have moved away from my hometown after high school.
 

 
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