somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

3. What We Strive for When They are Young…./…Fear When We are Old June 10, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:14 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 59 years old.

I am married.

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: 36-year-old boy/man, 35-year-old boy/man, 34-year-old boy/man, 30-year-old daughter

stayed at home when raising kids.

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

rent.

I completed a 2 year nursing program.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian…

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents were alcoholics, my father worked for companies in multiple countries so we traveled a lot, there was very little security or continuity in my young life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I went through. 37 years ago. Try and enjoy the moment realizing that the fatigue, frustrations, anxiety and challenges will go away, be dealt with and are a part of the game. Time truly does pass faster than you can believe and there are so many things I wish now that I had done with my children. I watch mine with my grandchildren now and I’m pleased that they are taking that advice.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Many things concerned me about mine…my main concern was making sure that they always felt secure and loved. You can climb any mountain if you are propelled by both.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being the one that had to make the decision to put my son through a surgical procedure that I knew was going to be painful and require a long recovery…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The two extremes…the overly protective paranoid mother and the mother that is so unconcerned she’s almost catatonic. 
  6. I am happiest when. I get to spend time with my adult children and enjoy them…their humor, personalities and successes…and I know I had a little part in all of them. Don’t get me started on the grandkids.
  7. I am saddest when. I look back and realize the mistakes I made with them…the times I was too self-absorbed to realize they were in pain and needed an ear. Those times haunt me.
  8. My biggest fear. That at some point my children will feel that they no longer need me in their life…independence is complete. It’s what we strive for when they are young…what we fear when we are old.
  9. I am ashamed of. The moments I lashed out in anger…usually never justifiable.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for what they did to me.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m sorry your father and I fought so hard at times…and that it made you cry. I saw you…I should have made it stop.
  12. Something I have never told anyoneI was molested…once… by a friend of my mother and fathers…I hated him…and them for not protecting me.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. I’m unsettled…I need to be happy with where I am.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. The kids
  15. I wish.I could do portions of my life over.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.Be honest with your children…follow through on promises or don’t make them…and that love can make up for disappointments. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.To give a little bit of yourself and your time is more important than all the money you throw at a child.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Strong faith but very accepting of other faiths and differences…many paths to the same destination.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. current location…closer to the kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Not really
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Questions are good…
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3 Responses to “3. What We Strive for When They are Young…./…Fear When We are Old”

  1. somemother Says:

    What strikes me is your aspiration for contentment. On one hand, it is comforting that this seems almost universal, despite abundance and blessing, but also… it gave me a pause. I think I assumed by the time I was a grandmother I would have this figured out. You’ve challenged my assumptions…. Thanks for a very thought-provoking post…

  2. badseamstress Says:

    You are such a sage mama! I highly doubt there will come a time when your children feel they don’t need you in their lives.

  3. Sam I Am Says:

    I love this statement “You can climb any mountain if you are propelled by both.” regarding love and security. So true!!


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