somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

6. Father’s Day Special: Somefather’s Story June 19, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 1:55 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers and somefathers know what they have in common with you).

I am 37 years old. My window for becoming a pro athlete is closing quickly.

I am happily married

I have 3 children. 2 daughters, 5 and 3 and a son approaching 1 year.

I work fulltime, although some may debate this definition.

I am upper-middle.  Getting a little soft around the middle.

I live urban, work urban and rural, but love my remote.

I co-own with the friendly banker.

I completed a doctorate , although often feel like a grammar school level father. 

I am straight, and love my wife’s curves.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Conservative Canadian, by way of Scandinavian descent.  In other words, love my coffee and cakes and socialized healthcare.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Having a close relationship with my sibling and parents.  Knowing that whatever the day holds, however challenging, that I had an awesome family to come home to, go on brilliant vacation with and share the challenges of childhood life. It has taught me to not take the simple things for granted.  What’s important to my kids, even the simplest of details, is important to me.   
  2. My best advice to fathers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Take time for the simple things.  Freeze frame in your mind the simple interactions in life.  Hearing your son say ‘da-da’ or your daughters gentle giggles as you tickle them.  I have taken a few opportunities to video tape my kids engaging in sometimes simple, routine activities: speaking, laughing and reading bedtime stories, as I know these are some of the greatest joys in life, that will last but a moment.  
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Is also a fear…they are growing so quickly, it sometimes strikes me with sadness that some of the moments I cherish most, I will never experience again. Reading bedtime stories, that my eldest can in many cases read for herself, or sharing with my son his first hotdog.  Hey, there are some special moments, in this case questionable meats, that even a 1-year-old can’t resist.
  4. My absolute worst fathering moment (so far).  I’m embarrassed to say there have probably been many, but most memorable (or hopefully stricken from the record) to me was being so angry inside at my girls for something probably ridiculous in hindsight when I know they didn’t deserve it (they never deserve it). Consequently,  they were bathed, and dressed in PJs and dumped into bed without bedtime stories, so that daddy could have some selfish personal time, probably for a TV show that means nothing in comparison to the lost story and tickles time that means so much for them, and probably even more for me.  Shame on me.  
  5. What annoys me most about other fathers. Those who seem to have plenty of time to force their principles on you, or raise their eyebrows when you demonstrate a deviated plan of child rearing action from their game book.  Different strokes for different folks, buddy.  Don’t be so surprised when I tell you I don’t vaccinate.   
  6. I am happiest when.  I have unabridged time with my wife and kids.  Free to take them to places they love to be (the park, swimming pools) and sharing with them places I love to be (hardware store, ice cream shop, camping in the mountains, sports events)
  7. I am saddest when I miss my kids special days like concerts, and performances because I have to work.
  8. My biggest fear is not being able to completely provide for my kids – whether it’s having the answers to some of their biggest challenges (boyfriends, girlfriends, drugs, peer pressure), money to give them all the programs, activities and items they deserve, or just being the perfect dad all kids deserve but few may ever get.
  9. I am ashamed of my behavior when I am too hard on the kids.  They are perfect, brilliant gems that don’t need episodes of scolding or yelling.  
  10. Something I need to forgive. Those whom I feel may have wronged me or my wife and/or kids that really only just ends up getting in the way of having a focused, emotionally pure family relationship. Lets just get on with life.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Stop being angry.  Stop dwelling in the armchair of hurt and maintaining your wall of separation and get on with a productive, loving, healing life.  You’re not doing yourself, your family, or our family any favors.  You know who you are.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  That I, am man, just completed my first woman’s blog quiz, on a site called Somemother, on a weekend when the US open Golf tournament is on all the channels and other men are probably golfing, BBQing steak or drinking beer.  Please don’t tell the guys. 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Patience.  That illusive, desirable trait, that my tank is often low on.  
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Like everyone else, who has spent many years working hard on their trade or limitation or education.  I guess I could say in my case, it is my education.  I didn’t accomplish my kids or my marriage, although those are my greatest sources of love and which I am definitely most proud.
  15. I wish my kids dad drove a Porsche.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Even when you think you have the best, closest, most nurturing, and supportive people rooting for you, the feeling of that eternal source of safety can slip away at the drop of a hat. Always make your kids feel impartially loved. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Being there for your kids.  Long work days allows you to buy many things except for time, very precious time, with your kids. Never bring your work home.  Along with the long hours, never did I see him come through the front door with a briefcase or calculator.  When a dad is home, he is completely home.  Thanks Dad.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. While Keifer Sutherlands would suggest  the only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and the Lord our God.” (wasn’t A Few Good Men a great movie), I would more accurately describe my faith as being a devoted follower of Jesus Christ.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Busy enough at work to allow me to take a weekday off here and there to spend with my wife and kids, without feeling guilty about the time off.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. How would I describe myself…A very proud father and husband.  I can answer many questions about my limitations and frustrations with my life, myself and others, but one thing that I truly know for certain is my love for my wife and my kids.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. I can’t stand that person who… walks their dog up to your child and enthusiastically states “don’t worry, Patches doesnt bite, he loves kids” and proceeds to encourage their dog to lick your child’s face, like my baby yearns to have a big, stinky mutt licking their cheek like it’s some type of rawhide flavoured ice cream cone.  Please don’t be that guy.
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