part forum. part confession. part celebration.

8. Becoming a Mother has Taken Me by Surprise June 23, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 1:40 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 1.5 years/ Male

I stay home.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Chinese



  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. When I think back on my childhood, I feel that my parents were not very present. My mother did drive us to and from school every day, she did take us to extra classes and activities, but for the most part, my best childhood memories do not include them. I was the third child of 4 kids, and always felt like I was the odd one out. I craved their attention by alternating being a goody two shoes and a devil child. I had and still do, a fairly complicated relationship with my mother.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of  child rearing that I just went through. My son has just entered toddlerhood. He surprises me daily with how much he actually understands by way of words and actions. Be a good example. Talk to them a lot. Engage with them all the time.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). He cries and screams when he doesn’t get his way. I wish he’d handle his frustrations better but he’s only a toddler. It’s my responsibility to teach him the coping skills he needs.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When he pooped when we were out and I had no change of clothes, and one time, not even spare diapers. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. I try not to judge and get annoyed with other mothers. We don’t know what happens in their lives, how they make the choices that they do. However, when I see mothers out and about with their children, and leave them with their nannies, and do not engage with them at all, that disturbs me slightly. (Where I live, it’s very common for families to hire live-in nannies to look after the children.)
  6. I am happiest when. My son is happy.
  7. I am saddest when. I think about the fact that one day, my son won’t need me anymore.
  8. My biggest fear. That I will die before my time and leave my son motherless.
  9. I am ashamed of. Nothing.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My mother, for being partially responsible for the relationship we have now.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Thank you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I really want my second child to be a boy.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Be more open to accepting help when it’s offered.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. It’s a work in progress. But I think parenting successful, contributing members of society, will one day be my biggest accomplishment.
  15. I wish. For a second baby. Now. Now. Now.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Be there, be present, talk, engage, don’t judge, don’t favor, say I love you, hug.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. No matter how old we are, we always seek our fathers’ advice.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I have faith.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. That I will be a mother of two.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Becoming a mother, a parent, has taken me by surprise. It takes my breath away, my love for my boy. It takes my breath away, my desire to ensure he has the best. It takes my breath away, my worries that the big bad world will get him somehow. 
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Would I have chosen motherhood sooner? Yes and no. Yes, because I’d like to have been younger when I had my son. No, because I know I make a better mother now, with the life experience I have had.

One Response to “8. Becoming a Mother has Taken Me by Surprise”

  1. somemother Says:

    To answer your Q21, I’m not sure I would have been ready any earlier, not to mention I didn’t meet my husband and get married until my late 20s. Technicalities! If we had met and married earlier, YES, I would have had kids earlier, bc I could have had more of them! I never would have dreamed I would want more than 2, but here we sit at 3 and a little sad there won’t be any more. (or so the plan goes!)

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