somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

18. Be Careful What You Wish For July 19, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 41 years old.

I am single.

I have 1 child, a boy and he is a brand new 6 yr old.

I work full-time to pay bills and be a mom but my soul slowly melts just a little bit everyday in my chosen career. My current female boss is a bully and I have to put up with it in order to get my level up then I can start looking for a better place or hope she retires sooner…

I am lower middle not sure really (I make enough to live check to check with no savings but have a mortgage, food and clothing and bit for of $ for my son to enjoy some fun times and for me to help keep my hobby going . So I am not sure what that makes me…normal ?

I live urban but would love to live rural.

own but only by the hair of my chinny chin chin..or at this point the moustache that has started to poke out.Shhhh you can only see it in the bright sun depending on the tilt of my face. I have remortgaged again to pay lawyer bills. 

I completed highschool and spent a year at 29 taking a micro computer business course because when I went to school we had smoking room not a computer room.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Ukrainian..Canadian Ukrainian of the prairies.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringingThere is 8 yrs between my sister and I and 6 six between my brother so I was not an only child but felt like one. I was sexually abused by an intern when I was 5 at the hospital getting my tonsils out. I remembered when I was 21.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Be patient, forgive yourself, don’t dwell on what you did or could have done in the situation just know you will learn from it and address the situation better next time. It’s okay to yell once in a while you are human but it also okay to say sorry to your child too…
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). That I am only in his life half time due to our separation and I have done him a great disservice as a mother.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Oh gosh…wishing I stayed with his abusive father so he wouldn’t be so sad that his parents weren’t together any more. Yelling and seeing his little face crushed just as if I had hit him and it was over something so stupid I can’t remember. From this situation I learned to control my urge to yell and now it really does happen rarely and for a good reason but I have learned to explain why I yelled and to say sorry if necessary.  I am only human… 🙂
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Lots of stuff used to annoy me about other mothers but I now realize they are only people who would have annoyed me before, mother or not… so when I meet a neat and honest mom I try to make a friend right away. I don’t have many mom friends because I can’t compete and don’t want to. Sadly for a lot of moms that is what motherhood of a school child is. I am what I am, take or leave it…oh and if you judged because I was a single mom and then you become one later and decide now you can come to my level and be my friend…go F* yourself…yep I said it. While I’m on the topic. I swear …mostly not in front of my kid but sometimes I do so to all those moms that shrink in fear, get over it, my kid knows what a bad word is and is very aware he catches me and lets me know it was wrong ..guess what, we move on and no one got hurt.. .  by the way that is the least of your worries in your child’s life.  
  6. I am happiest when my son is home with me.
  7. I am saddest when he is at his Dad’s and I have pretend I am okay with it. By the way moms who say to me, oh I would love a week away from kids…careful what you wish for.
  8. My biggest fear my son growing up and having his father’s narcissistic traits, gives me shivers really.
  9. I am ashamed of my body. I used to be sexy a size 8 now I’m a part-time single mom with a flappy belly size 12… oh and my messy house..I can’t keep up it seems. I clean when I have time but I am so tired and house by yourself including a big yard to deal with is a lot of work.I don’t want to sound whiney or ungrateful..I am grateful to own a home, just overwhelmed.
  10. Something I need to forgive my body..I had my baby at 35. I didn’t do much to get back in shape and now I have what I have.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m someone special too. Just because I don’t mind being alone doesn’t mean I like being alone. 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. My ex hurt me so bad emotionally and physically that I don’t feel worthy of another man’s love…ever that I really am fat, ugly and useless. I can’t take a compliment from another man to this day…I will die alone because I can’t get past his abuse.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Being hard on myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My son, my house, my friends.
  15. I wish my son a long happy accomplished life. I wish my friends the best in their life. I wish had a man just once that was real lover, and a friend who understood I can only be who I am and nothing more. 
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Be part of your childs life, don’t smother but mother.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Don’t hide behind addictions because you will regret it later and never feel like you can make up for lost moments.I forgive you dad 🙂
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I believe in God, life, love. I believe everyone needs to have a faith whatever that maybe but without they are lost. We all need to believe in something because otherwise what’s the point of being. My faith life is simple …be honest and accepting..be real, ask for help, and always say thank you for any help you receive. Acknowledge goodness always..from someone opening up a door for you or when you see someone else do something kind for another person acknowledge out loud or in your head..the more goodness we put out the better our world becomes. Swear words don’t mean you are a bad person they just mean you need to get a better vocabulary.. 🙂
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I will be  happier with my self, life, home.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I am a part-time mom. My son is shared between my home and X’s for 7 days at a time. This leaves me with 7 days to be a single woman…I don’t know how to be that anymore. I tried my first fling for the first time in 6 yrs..sex is not like riding bike.  Oh my! this taught me that I need to spend some time finding out who I am when I don’t have my son. On the flip side I think this week on week off schedule has taught me to be a better mom because every moment with my son is precious. I want to be all that I can be in those 7 days.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What does sex mean to you now that you have had babies? I can tell you I would love to get it on again but it just feels different now…so how did you get over it or did you?
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4 Responses to “18. Be Careful What You Wish For”

  1. somemother Says:

    DITTO the comments above. You ARE FABULOUS. Don’t be so hard on YOU. As for your Q21, well…. after pushing out 3 almost 10 pounders in 5 years, NOTHING is the same in that department. I seriously have to drink some wine or something to relax before any business. My husband, who is clearly delusional, loves my body and insists the sensations are all great, the same (HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!), and in fact marvels at what my body has accomplished. The frequency of any action is NOT VERY. But, I think it’ll pick up. We are patient.

  2. This is my first visit to this site, Interesting posts.
    Regarding the bonus question……….. yes, things do change. I must admit it took some time to get my groove back. 😉

  3. Kir Says:

    I found myself nodding a lot along with this, even though we are different.
    But I am 41, a size 12 and my mothering and faith sound a lot like yours.

    I battled infertility to have my children and I thought that would be the hard part, but I find that mothering is hard..parenting is SOOOO hard and I don’t know how to overcome that and feel grateful and happy about just being (Finally) a mom.

    and the sex stuff, WOW….I know about that. I want to get my “Sexy back” and just can’t seem to find my mojo….

    just wanted you to know that I understand a lot of this and tell you you’re a good mom..and a good person.

  4. Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you as I read this post. Whoever you are, please know that you’re not fat or ugly, or a bad mother. And if you don’t like your size now, know that you CAN do something about it. You are not helpless nor hopeless.

    What you said, “Just because I don’t mind being alone doesn’t mean I like being alone” really pulled at my heartstrings… I’m a loner who doesn’t mind doing things by myself. But I don’t like being alone. And I don’t want to. Somehow it’s so difficult for people around me to grasp that.

    Sending you lots of hugs and love…

    -Sweaty-


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