somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

30. The Constant Pursuit of Humanity August 23, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:14 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 38 years old.

I am common-law.

I have 2 girls, a 5yr old,  and 3 month old.

I stay home with our children. Work for money occasionally & volunteer a lot, especially that which benefits community/environment my children grow in.

I am classless (in my mind anyway ;-))

I live urban.

I rent.

I completed a certificate in arbitration & mediation, some university psych major and have discovered that I really don’t want to deal with other people’s drama. My dream career, after kids, is to work in a library, book store, with literature or some such thing.

I am queer.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: European; British, Irish, Scottish, French. I am related to the late Oscar Wilde! This excites me wondrously 🙂

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.   Several things: a) Living humbly; not being overindulged yet having a perfectly magical childhood. b) Compassion for those less fortunate.  c) I always appreciated being given choices. My parents, when I became old enough, often gave me all the information possible and allowed me to make, or help make, the best decision for me. I continue to feel that it is important to include the children in certain aspects of decisions affecting their lives. Learning through experience rather than being told usually sticks better. That being said, I also feel I was given way too much responsibility at times. I seek a balance for my own children.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child-rearing that I just went through. In any stage, keep track of the good moments, write them down if you have to. The ups are worth more than the downs. You can never get that time back so enjoy every bit possible.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Their physical health, especially with regard to genetic immunological disorder. Also, any kind of harm coming to them because of their family situation; discrimination.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Forgetting that my child is just that, a child who is still learning and knows not what I have a lifetime of experience with. Yelling, losing control just that little bit that is too much for a tiny person (the 5 yr old, not the infant!) and makes her feel or act inadequate. I know every (or just about every) parent can relate. But it’s still yucky. Best mothering moment would be building my child up so that she feels on top of the world and I endeavor to, at least, keep these moments in the majority.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Ignoring their children, taking them for granted, having a good time/laugh at the expense of the child. Parents who can’t/don’t take responsibility for their children, rather they  place importance on superficial things.
  6. I am happiest when I feel balanced. Getting time with each child & both children, while getting to do some things I enjoy.
  7. I am saddest when I can’t fix my child’s hurt. The big hurts.
  8. My biggest fear is harm coming to my children.
  9. I am ashamed of ever making my child feel unworthy in any way.
  10. Something I need to forgive is the lack of (intimate) attention I give to my spouse.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone is don’t be so gullible.
  12. Something I have never told anyone is that I get really tired of being environmentally conscientious sometimes too. And have tossed out some valuable recyclables or left the car idling etc simply because I am too tired.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself is to judge others less, even though I do not make it known that I am judging. “Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.”.
  14. My biggest accomplishment is achieving inner balance and being satisfied with myself & passing this along to my family. Teaching by example.
  15. I wish we had just a little bit more money. I wish my partner got to stay home & see our children the way I get to everyday. I wish people would give their head a shake.  I wish adults would think before they speak in front of children. I wish I knew everything. I wish I didn’t have asthma. I wish I didn’t pass it along to my child(ren). I wish the world was perfect. I wish my children would never have to experience heart ache … alas, I suppose this would be to deny them part of the experience of life 😦
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. My mother, for most of my life, has been able to listen to me. Listening & compassion. Simply listening, without verbal opinions, is such a valuable trait.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Creativity is very important to learning & living. Knowledge is power. Compassion.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. The constant pursuit of humanity.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Tighter abs, seriously, I give myself a year.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Please don’t ask me about the conception of my children in front of them, as if they aren’t even there. Particularly the older one who can hear every (insensitive) word you utter. She is a real live person, with feelings and who is entitled to privacy. Save your curiosity for a more appropriate time.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. How has becoming a mother added to/taken away from your relationship with your partner/spouse? Becoming a mother, or in our case, becoming mothers has been like a glorious blooming flower. It has made each of us grow immensely, in ways I didn’t expect, delightful little ways. However, it is true what is said about the “strain on the marriage”, though I wouldn’t  “blame” it on the children per se, becoming a parent is all-consuming and often it is the spouses who makes sacrifices. Probably because spouses are the only ones who will make sacrifices for our children’s sake and still be with us at the end of it all. At times,  it kind of feels like the relationship can wait. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t I guess.
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One Response to “30. The Constant Pursuit of Humanity”

  1. Tanya Says:

    I love your story! I can relate to so many pieces of it. Seeking balance about responsibility. Hating how it feels when I yell. Getting tired of being environmentally conscience (lol!!!) The strain on the marriage.
    Wishing you balance – a kindred mom


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