somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

44. Even When It’s Awful It’s Pretty Wonderful October 30, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:05 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 36 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 2/F We are also trying to conceive a 2nd child.

I work full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight but not narrow.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I don’t think it’s important, but I’m Caucasian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My dad abandoned me when I was really young. It’s only as an adult that I realize how much of an effect that has had on my life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. If today was a bad day, it’s only one day over the course of a lifetime. You’re not likely to inflict lasting damage in a single day.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. I worry that I’m spending so much time avoiding turning into my mother that I’m going to f**k her up in new and interesting ways, ways I did not imagine possible.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). She was going through the 8-month sleep regression. I yelled at her to go the f**k to sleep, long before the book made it cool.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Why the mom-on-mom hate? We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got, hoping our kids don’t end up on the news for all the wrong reasons.
  6. I am happiest when it’s the weekend and we’re all lolling about in our bed as a family, cuddling and giggling.
  7. I am saddest when the weekday starts and it’s a whole lot more sleeps until we can loll about in our bed as a family, cuddling and giggling.
  8. My biggest fear. I have nightmares about something terrible happening to my daughter as a small child. I can’t shake it.
  9. I am ashamed of how hard I am on my husband sometimes. He’s a good man and a good dad, it’s not HIS fault I feel tired and stretched too thin. He really does pull his weight around here, I just always feel put upon because there’s SO MUCH to do.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My dad. Not because he deserves it, but because the anger isn’t doing me any favours.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I wish I could tell my mom to back the hell off without her taking it as an attack on her very soul.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Being happy. Most of the time.
  15. I wish I had unlimited resources so I could work part-time and spend more time on myself and my family. I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I really love being a mother. I wish I could do it more than part-time.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Don’t lie. All it teaches your children is not to trust you.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. It gets better. You’re responsible for bringing this person here, be there for them you selfish bastard.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I’m agnostic, leaning towards atheism. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing happening when we’re done in this life, but I can’t explain why it all happened so I’m not completely discounting the possibility that a divine, celestial being set off the Big Bang. But I’m certain the rest of it happened as the scientists say it did.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I’ll be holding or at least very far along with our next baby.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I was going to be a single career woman. That was my plan. Then I met a man whose baby I wanted to have. And then I had that baby and fell more in love than I ever imagined possible. Even when it’s awful it’s pretty wonderful.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. “What has motherhood changed about you?”
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43. My Only Saving Grace October 20, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:02 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 48 years old.

I am married.

I have 5 children. Here are their ages/genders: 16-27 3 boys, 2 girls.

I work part-time for my own personal company.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed high school & some undergraduate schooling.

I am straight!

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: American with Swedish heritage.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

1.    The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Raised in a wonderful, faithful, LDS Christian home with 5 siblings. It was busy, crowded, chaotic… but grand.

2.    My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Good luck! Becoming an empty-nester and having my children grow and leave has been the most difficult stage for me to adjust to. But, I’m doing my best and learning to embrace this new stage.  Years of developing good relationships with my children is my only saving grace. They still call and visit. So, I have 2 best pieces of advice: 1) make sure you have a good relationship with your kids and 2) have something about yourself that identifies you outside of being a mother. Once your children are gone you will find that you will have many hours in the day to fill. The wonderful thing is it won’t be filled with dirty diapers, laundry, cleaning up spills, or wiping noses anymore. So have something you enjoy doing. Something useful and meaningful. 

3.    Something that concerns me about my children. I worry most about them raising their own little families in a world that is becoming increasingly immoral and violent.  

4.    My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Do I dare tell? I’m sure I have several and you would probably get different answers depending on which child you asked. My daughter would probably tell you it was when I insisted she go to school (in 3rdgrade) even though she told me she felt sick. “You’ll be fine. Your tummy ache will go away when you get to school and see all your friends.” About an hour later I got a phone call from the school nurse informing me my daughter had thrown up all over her classroom and several of her friends!  

5.    What annoys me most about other mothers. When they spoil their children and don’t make them accountable for what they do.

6.    I am happiest when I am surrounded by my children and grandchildren. Despite the Chaos. 

7.    I am saddest when one of my children suffers.

8.    My biggest fear. I’m guessing many mothers’ fear not being a good mother. Did I do that right? I should have done such-n-such differently. My biggest fear is that I might in some way fail my children.  

9.    I am ashamed of. I’m not ashamed of too many things. Ashamed is a pretty strong word. I guess, I am ashamed of myself when I don’t exhibit love and patience as I should to my husband, children, or even the bad driver who just cut me off.  

10.  Something I need to forgive. Probably myself for my many mistakes.

11.  Something I wish I could say to someone. That’s tuff. My parents raised us to be pretty confident and not afraid to express our opinions. I should probably say the actual words “I love you” more often to my husband.

12.  Something I have never told anyone. I can’t tell.

13.  Something I am trying to change about myself. I wish I were a morning person! I have often said if I could invent any magic pill I wanted it would be one that would allow me to function on only 2 hours of sleep. Then I could easily get up early and have plenty of time to do all I need and want to do and not be tired. Can you imagine? Oh, it would be fabulous! On a more serious and realistic note I want to be more loving and charitable.

14.  My biggest accomplishment. Raising 5 amazing, talented, faithful, smart, independent, motivated children! Also, in my 40’s I swam in the Shark Fest which is across the San Francisco bay from Alcatraz to shore! And as a Grandma of 5 I hiked half-dome in Yosemite.

15.  I wish for world peace. Right? That’s what we’re supposed to say. Sometimes, actually, I just wish I could be caught up on my laundry. Is that asking too much?  

16.  Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. To love each of my children equally no matter what.

17.  Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Always fill my children with praise, praise, praise.

18.  How I would describe my faith life. My life is filled with faith. I am very active in the LDS church. I have a strong, unwavering testimony of my Savior. I love the gospel and the blessings it brings into my life. It strengthens, comforts, inspires, and guides me in everything I do.

19.  Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I will be incredibly busy with a new company, E3imagine, that I have recently become involved with. Hoping to travel the world and help promote families and educate children.  

20.  Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I’m a sports fanatic. All our children are athletes so my back will forever ache from all the years and years and years of sitting on bleachers. Game after game. Hard bleacher after hard bleacher. Would I change it? Not one bit!

 

42. I Am the Dairy Queen October 16, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).
I am 34 years old.
I am married.
I have 3 children. Here are their ages/genders: female 6 1/2, female 3 1/2, male 1 1/2.
I work full-time.
I am middle.
I live suburban.
I own.
I completed high school.
I am straight.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Of Polish decent.
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  My father was the one I went to for everything.
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  This too shall pass. No matter how bad things seem in a few weeks you will be onto a new stage.
    3. Something that concerns me about my children.  My eldest has fine motor skill problems that are causing her problems at school.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Last night when I gave my daughter a black eye while I was playing keep away with her doll.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The competition and judging.
    6. I am happiest when I am with my children.
    7. I am saddest when I am away from my children.
    8. My biggest fear.  That my children will hate me when they grow up.
    9. I am ashamed of hating my kids in the moments the house is total chaos.
    10. Something I need to forgive.  I can’t be perfect.
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Don’t judge me because I do things differently then you.
    12. Something I have never told anyone. I gave my child a smack once when I was overwhelmed (lack of sleep had a lot to do with it and a child who still wasn’t sleeping at 4 a.m.).
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  To let go of my need for perfection.
    14. My biggest accomplishment.  The birth of my 3 children.
    15. I wish I could stay home with my kids while providing for my family.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  You can fix relationships that weren’t perfect growing up.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Children are the most important thing and that relationship is very rewarding.
    18. How I would describe my faith life.  It’s there but it’s more like Christmas and Easter than every Sunday at church.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I can be home more with my children.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am the dairy queen, I have been nursing for 6 1/2 years non-stop through 2 pregnancies and 1 miscarriage. I’ve tandem nursed twice, nursed my eldest until 4 and still nursing the youngest 2.
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

41. Being Selfish October 10, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:23 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 37 years old.

I am married.

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: Two girls, 2 and 9, and two boys, 5 and 7.

I stay home.

I am middle class.

I live suburban.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: my dad is Jewish & my mom is catholic. 

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I had a happy childhood as the oldest of four children and we are all still very close.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Try to see the humor in everything. Things that are frustrating now will make funny stories one day. And they will learn to sleep, eventually, I promise.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  I worry too much about who their friends are and about them hanging out with the “wrong crowd.”
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  I was on an important phone call and my kids were screaming and carrying on in the background, making it hard to hear. I hung up the phone and turned to them and screamed at them. I mean, literally screamed. I completely lost it. They looked at me like I was a monster about to hurt them. I stopped my tirade and then very faintly, from the phone in my hand, I heard, “um, Hello…?” There was someone on the line the whole time, and they heard everything!
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  When their children misbehave in public and they don’t try to stop it.
  6. I am happiest when.  I’m with my family (and everyone is getting along).
  7. I am saddest when.  I read a sad book. I get absorbed into the books I read and if the book is sad, I tend to let the sadness overcome me for days.
  8. My biggest fear.  Oh, I can’t say, because then it might happen.
  9. I am ashamed of.  Being selfish. Sometimes I’m so worried about my own life that I forget to ask a friend or family member about something important that they’re going through.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  I need to forgive myself for not going to the prom in high school with a nice (but nerdy) guy I knew, because I was worried about what people would say if they saw us together. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  “I’m not rude. I’m just shy and it’s hard for me to speak up.”
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  Once I bought a bag of Halloween candy (Reese’s peanut butter cups) and I ate the whole thing. In two days. Okay, not just once.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am trying to learn to relax, to eat better, and take better care of my body.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  My children.
  15. I wish.  I had more money and less debt.  Or at least that I didn’t worry so much about money.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Relax, everything is going to be okay. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Relax, everything is going to be okay (and Daddy will fix it).
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I’m a Christian and I attend a very conservative Anglican church.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Well, the health thing I mentioned- I hope next year I’m able to comfortably run 3 miles without wishing for death. And I hope I can get through one day without thinking about junk food.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments
 

40. Things Can’t Be Unsaid or Undone October 5, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:27 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 27 years old.

I am living common law with my “hubby” (fiance).

I have 2 incredible boys, aged two and three.

I am a full-time domestic engineer!

I am middle upper (not sure why that is relevant?)

I live in an urban city, but in a northern rural area.

I own.

I completed highschool and some post secondary education (university).

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Canadian, (Newfoundland). Heritage is Scottish, Irish and English.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My family. and remembering where my “roots” are. 
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. It’s ok to ask for help. If you do, it doesn’t make you less of a mother, or a woman. It’s ok to not know everything. Life is a learning experience. We never have all the answers, and no one does. Take everything with a grain of salt.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. I always fear that I could be doing more. Whether its teaching more, playing more, loving more, cuddling more, snuggling more. My fear is that they will one day feel it was never enough. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When we had to bring my son to the emergency room to have his finger glued together. We were busy with the other child while visiting my parents, and my youngest got hold of her razor and cut his finger open. I was mortified. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Lack of support. It seems there is ALWAYS someone judging someone else about SOMETHING. Whether it’s breastfeeding, discipline, baby wearing or whatever else….It always seems we find fault in the way others do something. 
  6. I am happiest when I am with my family. I love just relaxing with them, playing with them, just BEING with them.
  7. I am saddest when I think too much about life. There are just so many injustices in the world, and only so much I can do. It makes me sad to know how well we have it here, just for the luck of being born here. I want to be able to help everyone, but I can’t physically do that. It upsets me and frustrates me. Overall, if I think about inhumanity around the world, it  makes me sad. 
  8. My biggest fear. Failing as a mother/wife/woman/daughter/sister, etc….and spiders 🙂
  9. I am ashamed of things in my past. But am slowly learning to work past them. 
  10. Something I need to forgive. My father. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I love you despite the hurt you have caused me and my family. 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. Can’t tell it here either 😉 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My physical appearance (lose weight) and my mental well-being. (being more positive). 
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My children!!! 
  15. I wish that one day my children (or grandchildren) can live in a war-free world, without hurt caused by others.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That encouragement is needed for children to thrive.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Things can’t be unsaid or undone. So choose your words and actions wisely.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Spiritual, but not religious.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Be happy with myself, and live for myself and my family. Not to be so concerned with what others think.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. That when the world feels like crumbling, the touch of someone you love can easily strengthen the entire universe.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

39. I Hurt More Than I Let On October 2, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:04 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 29 years old.

I am married

I have 3 living children (5-boy; 4-girl; 2-girl) & am the mommy to 10 angel babies (9 miscarriages; 1 stillbirth).

work part-time at home; care for my children at home full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian.

My url. I write at Unspoken Grief.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. We were all loved & grew up to be just who we were supposed to be.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Trust your instincts. Always.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Their food challenges. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). “Failing” my children {miscarriages}.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The need to appear perfect all the time.
  6. I am happiest when. I get ME time.
  7. I am saddest when. I think of Triton.
  8. My biggest fear. Sudden death of myself or a loved one.
  9. I am ashamed of. Very little.
  10. Something I need to forgive. Myself.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I love you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I hurt more than I let on.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. How uncomfortable I feel when complimented. Would love to take it gracefully.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. UnspokenGrief.com.
  15. I wish. Big & all the time.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That I am doing a great job as a mom because of her.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That I don’t need to HEAR I love you to KNOW that I am very loved.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Very different then the traditional meaning.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. My professional life.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I have an amazing husband who has held me up when I fall.