part forum. part confession. part celebration.

46. I Don’t Know Who I Am November 13, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:13 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child (trying for a second): she’s 1.5 years old.

I work full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban. 

I own.

I completed graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: nothing relevant.



  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Being the oldest of three girls, made me independent and responsible, but also bossy and competitive.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  You are the best mother for your child! Something my yoga teacher once told me that makes me feel better on those days when I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child.  How our nomadic lifestyle will affect her; by the time she’s two, she will have lived in 3 different countries, on 3 different continents!
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Going back to work. I’m very fortunate to have had a year of paid maternity leave, but going back to work 6 months ago completely broke my heart, and it’s still upsets me to spend the day doing ultimately totally insignificant work when I could be raising my child. I just wish mothers had more options…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The judgmental attitudes. Everyone has their own personal circumstances, and their own style of parenting, yet we constantly criticize and look down on those who do things differently from the way we think they should be done. Every mother does what’s best for her baby, and it’s absolutely not our place to criticize or condemn her for choices.
  6. I am happiest when I’m snuggling with my baby girl.
  7. I am saddest when I leave the house to go to work in the morning.
  8. My biggest fear. That something bad will happen to my daughter.
  9. I am ashamed of the way I often disrespect my husband. I think Dads in general get a lot of disrespect, with the common line of thinking that “mother knows best.” I’m really trying to learn that my husband has his own parenting style, that he doesn’t always need to do things the way I do them, and that I can’t on the one hand constantly criticize his parenting style, and on the other berate him for not participating enough with our daughter.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My mom, for not being perfect, for choosing to develop a life of her own when I was a teenager and needed her the most.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I forgive you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I don’t know who I am.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am really really trying to chill out and not be so uptight about everything.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Creating life!
  15. I wish I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom. I’m all for feminism and equality, but I think something went wrong somewhere, and now women are totally looked down on if they choose to opt out of a career and stay home and raise their kids. It kills me that we pay someone to spend the days with my daughter, and essentially raise her, when I so desperately want to.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  To tell my daughter everyday that I love her, and make sure she knows it.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Dads are everything to their daughters.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I believe in goodness.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I hope to have had a second baby, and be on maternity leave so I can be at home with my kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am a firm believer in living a healthy lifestyle, and have so far managed to stick with this philosophy with my daughter: cloth diapers, lots of outdoor time and physical exercise, no tv, no sugar, limited processed foods, etc.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments:  How do you find time for yourself? What do you do that’s just for you?

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