somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

52. I Can and Will Do Better By My Boys March 30, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 35 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Boys ages 2 & 4.

I stay home.

I am middle.

I live urban.

I rent.

I have an incomplete degree.  Due to lack of financial support, I was unable to complete my degree in Journalism.  Hope to go back once my boys are in school full-time.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian Southern Girl

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Tumultuous.  Passed back & forth between divorced parents.  One parent was no better than the other.  I never had a sense of security growing up & felt insignificant.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Prepare for sleepless nights, spit up, sterilizing everything, but most importantly falling in love in a way that you never have before.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  I have a son with congenital heart defects (2 surgeries down, likely more to follow).  My other son has Autism.  But, they are perfect just the way they are, and I’ll advocate for them until the day I die.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Sleep deprived & crying at 3 am when my son woke up for a feeding at 8 weeks.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The ones that look at you as though you’re doing it all wrong, when they really don’t know your situation.  Also the mommy “cliques”.  It’s like high school with a baby on one hip & a toddler attached to your leg.
  6. I am happiest when we are together on the beach as a family, teaching my son to surf, watching my younger son help build a sandcastle, and both boys playing in the water with us (& sporting their super cute Spiderman life vests).
  7. I am saddest when I watch my son struggle with Autism.  When my baby is in the hospital for surgeries on his heart.
  8. My biggest fear.  Not doing enough for my children.
  9. I am ashamed of.  I don’t have a career outside of the home.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  The trauma that my mother put me through as a child, which continued through my adulthood.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  To my grandfather, who passed away almost a year ago:  You are my hero, and I love you & miss you beyond words.  To my grandmother who passed when I was 16, I love you & miss you every day.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  My mother use to send me into our local convenience store to buy her cigarettes.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  Letting go of the past, breaking the chain of emotional trauma, so that my children don’t grow up with a depressed mom.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying a great man.  My beautiful, blue-eyed 4-year-old surfer boy.  My adorable, chubby 2-year-old, who loves to entertain us all.
  15. I wish.  A cure for Autism.  Meaningful, lifesaving research for congenital heart defects.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  That I can & will do better by my boys.  I will always put them first.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  My biological father hasn’t spoken to me since I was 21.  But my mom’s ex-husband, who helped raise me from the ages 4 to 14, has taught me that I have to savor every moment with my boys. He’s taught me how to be optimistic, encouraging, and he has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I’m Catholic, my husband is Jewish.  We are an interfaith family.  I really enjoy the fact that I can celebrate God in any house of worship… including out in nature to see God’s beauty, and even in my own back yard as I watch cardinals, mockingbirds, hummingbirds, owls & bluejays visit me there.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I will be healthy (battled illness for months now), that I will feel well enough to care for my boys with out a lot of help.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I haven’t had an easy life, but I feel blessed because I have a good husband & father as our family leader.  For every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  I believe that we should be raising children to not just accept their differences among their peer, rather to embrace others for who they are, regardless of race, religion or ethnicity.  It’s a tradition that every parent should pass on, in hopes that someday we will live in a more peaceful & secure world.
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