somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

55. She Was Right All Along! May 31, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)


I am 24 years old.


I am married.


I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.


stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).


I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.


I live rural.


I own.


I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.


I am straight.


Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I’m the oldest of six children and was homeschooled until 7th grade. Although I complained then, I’ve decided I want to do the same for my children and have our lives based on family.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while co-sleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is, is angling for more attention for themselves.
  6. I am happiest when I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
  7. I am saddest when I see children suffer.
  8. My biggest fear is that my children may suffer, too.
  9. I am ashamed of my weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. up.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  My natural birth!
  15. I wish that people would open their eyes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  She was right all along!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Let your children be children.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I will be 30 lbs lighter!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I think. A lot.
 

49. I Am Grateful Almost Every Day For It All February 4, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 12:19 am
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)

I am 29 years old.
I am married.
I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 4/F
I work part-time.
I am lower middle (in my area, but I guess some geographical regions might consider us upper middle).
I live suburban.
I own.
I completed undergrad.
I am straight-ish.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: white.
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Independence, DIY ethos.
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Be patient, give YOURSELF a time out if you must but try to be understanding to your child instead of just insisting on a certain behavior.
    3. Something that concerns me about my child.  Cavities.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Spanking and yelling.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Putting infants in daycare.
    6. I am happiest when I have a little work but can get it done and hang out peacefully with my kid and have had some time to work out, too.
    7. I am saddest when I have no office work, my kid is acting up and I am feeling the ennui.
    8. My biggest fear.  My emotional weirdness will affect my kid more than my love and positive attention.
    9. I am ashamed of having hit my kid.
    10. Something I need to forgive.  I have already forgiven being hit by dad and ex-husband, neglected emotionally by parents at critical times and cheated on by husband (with other men, so it wasn’t that bad).
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I am often so lonely and not as together as I seem (I do a really good job of keeping it together on the outside.)
    12. Something I have never told anyone.  Nothing, I have confessed or told one thing or another to someone.
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  Being calm and more stoic.
    14. My biggest accomplishment.  Marathons and giving birth with no drugs? Making it through college living on my own, paying my own way after marriage at 18, abuse and divorce? Doing my own legal work for my divorce at age 20?
    15. I wish I had more answers.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  It’s OK to be a nosy, butting in mom. Better than being hands off and having the kid be adrift. Stick up for your kid.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Don’t hit your kid.
    18. How I would describe my faith life.  Meh.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Kid’s cavities will be filled and she won’t have more, I’ll weigh 10 lbs less and have my emotions under control.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am grateful almost every day for it all.
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. How on earth do people manage to have happy lives, with time for themselves and all there is to do, when they have more than one kid?
 

40. Things Can’t Be Unsaid or Undone October 5, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:27 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 27 years old.

I am living common law with my “hubby” (fiance).

I have 2 incredible boys, aged two and three.

I am a full-time domestic engineer!

I am middle upper (not sure why that is relevant?)

I live in an urban city, but in a northern rural area.

I own.

I completed highschool and some post secondary education (university).

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Canadian, (Newfoundland). Heritage is Scottish, Irish and English.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My family. and remembering where my “roots” are. 
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. It’s ok to ask for help. If you do, it doesn’t make you less of a mother, or a woman. It’s ok to not know everything. Life is a learning experience. We never have all the answers, and no one does. Take everything with a grain of salt.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. I always fear that I could be doing more. Whether its teaching more, playing more, loving more, cuddling more, snuggling more. My fear is that they will one day feel it was never enough. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When we had to bring my son to the emergency room to have his finger glued together. We were busy with the other child while visiting my parents, and my youngest got hold of her razor and cut his finger open. I was mortified. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Lack of support. It seems there is ALWAYS someone judging someone else about SOMETHING. Whether it’s breastfeeding, discipline, baby wearing or whatever else….It always seems we find fault in the way others do something. 
  6. I am happiest when I am with my family. I love just relaxing with them, playing with them, just BEING with them.
  7. I am saddest when I think too much about life. There are just so many injustices in the world, and only so much I can do. It makes me sad to know how well we have it here, just for the luck of being born here. I want to be able to help everyone, but I can’t physically do that. It upsets me and frustrates me. Overall, if I think about inhumanity around the world, it  makes me sad. 
  8. My biggest fear. Failing as a mother/wife/woman/daughter/sister, etc….and spiders 🙂
  9. I am ashamed of things in my past. But am slowly learning to work past them. 
  10. Something I need to forgive. My father. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I love you despite the hurt you have caused me and my family. 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. Can’t tell it here either 😉 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My physical appearance (lose weight) and my mental well-being. (being more positive). 
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My children!!! 
  15. I wish that one day my children (or grandchildren) can live in a war-free world, without hurt caused by others.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That encouragement is needed for children to thrive.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Things can’t be unsaid or undone. So choose your words and actions wisely.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Spiritual, but not religious.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Be happy with myself, and live for myself and my family. Not to be so concerned with what others think.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. That when the world feels like crumbling, the touch of someone you love can easily strengthen the entire universe.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

39. I Hurt More Than I Let On October 2, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:04 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 29 years old.

I am married

I have 3 living children (5-boy; 4-girl; 2-girl) & am the mommy to 10 angel babies (9 miscarriages; 1 stillbirth).

work part-time at home; care for my children at home full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian.

My url. I write at Unspoken Grief.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. We were all loved & grew up to be just who we were supposed to be.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Trust your instincts. Always.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Their food challenges. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). “Failing” my children {miscarriages}.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The need to appear perfect all the time.
  6. I am happiest when. I get ME time.
  7. I am saddest when. I think of Triton.
  8. My biggest fear. Sudden death of myself or a loved one.
  9. I am ashamed of. Very little.
  10. Something I need to forgive. Myself.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I love you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I hurt more than I let on.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. How uncomfortable I feel when complimented. Would love to take it gracefully.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. UnspokenGrief.com.
  15. I wish. Big & all the time.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That I am doing a great job as a mom because of her.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That I don’t need to HEAR I love you to KNOW that I am very loved.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Very different then the traditional meaning.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. My professional life.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I have an amazing husband who has held me up when I fall.
 

33. You’ll Get Used to It September 2, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:50 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 24 years old.

I am single.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 16m/F

I stay home for now.

I am lower.

I live urban.

I rent.

I completed high school. Working toward college.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m black with white (european) and latin background.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Didn’t really have much of a father figure, my dad was there physically, but it was as if he wasn’t.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Don’t ever think that it will get easier, ’cause it won’t. It will get different with the stages though, but you’ll get used to IT.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. That her father is semi absent in her life because we don’t live together and that she’ll have daddy and abandonment issues.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being too tired to bring her outside.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. That they think that they know best and they can not be wrong cause they’ve been doing this longer than others.
  6. I am happiest when. I’m with my child.
  7. I am saddest when. I’m not with her.
  8. My biggest fear. That one day I might not be able to provide for her and to attend to her needs. That I die before she can take care of herself.
  9. I am ashamed of. Not being able to be the mother that I wanted/need to be because of my current situation.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for not being the parents that I needed them to be.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I do.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Procrastination/laziness.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My child.
  15. I wish. That change will change for the better and that I’ll always be there for my child.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. You got to put your child’s needs before your own.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That a father is as important as a mother in a child’s life.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Confused.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. That I’ll get back on track and that I’ll be where I wanted to be in life or at least almost there.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I’m a survivor.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

20. I Just Want Them to be Better Than Me July 24, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:47 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 29 years old.

I am married.

I have 6 children, 3 I birthed,1 that’s in heaven and 3 that I inherited. All girls 17,16,11,5,&2.

I stay home.

I am working class.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed high school and cosmetology school.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: brown.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I meet my dad when I was 7, and raised by my mother.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Get all the help you can get, never turn down help, sleep or over think being a mom.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  Will they learn to be strong responsible people. I just want them to be better than me.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Having ppd (post partum depression). It robs you of the fun you “should” be having, not rushing their independence .
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Lack of discipline or the fear of being stern with children in needed situations.
  6. I am happiest when I’m watching a good movie and eating good food.
  7. I am saddest when I’m alone for too long. I feel neglected and abandoned.
  8. My biggest fear.  Being a complete failure, failure is ok if you have at least tried everything in your power.
  9. I am ashamed of my family, aunts, uncles, etc…
  10. Something I need to forgive.  I’m ok with forgiveness, it took some time but I have plenty to do than to think of all the wrongs that have happened to me.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I would need to write a book about this.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  Live more in the moment, be less hard on myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Being a wife, mother, home owner and hood daughter. All things I didn’t think that I was worthy of.
  15. I wish.  I had a bit more money sometimes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  You can’t be your kids’ friends while they need instruction. You’re raising your kids who will soon be adults.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Invest! Never withdrawal myself from my family.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  Strong! I’ve had a pretty turbulent life, and it has built my character and although things have hurt, it taught me survival.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I would be more of a “doer” and not a ” sayer or a wisher”.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

17. I Couldn’t Imagine It Any Other Way July 17, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 9:47 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 29 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: Boy, 3 years – Boy, 6 months.

I stay home and work a full-time job as an executive director from home.

I am middle-middle.

I live urban St. Louis.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian.

My URL. http://www.bringmommythevodka.com

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing: I was the youngest of three. I was treated like the “baby” and I therefore acted like the baby. And sort of still do. I get bitchy and whiny when I don’t get my way and I’m always seeking attention from those around me.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. For those with infants, do what works for you. If you’re not comfortable with something then it’s not going to work. Don’t let articles in magazines or even your best friend tell you how to raise your child. Always follow your instincts. For anyone with a three-year-old, be patient. Find your inner peace. Just when you think things can’t get worse, your child will turn three.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. That he is learning everything from me. Children learn everything from their parents. I know I’m not a perfect person and it scares me that my sons will pick up my worst traits instead of my best.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Any time I have yelled at my children. I hate losing my temper and always regret it later. There are certainly times that calls for a loud, stern voice; but losing my control and yelling when I could handle it differently definitely bothers me.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. When they assume. They assume you make decisions for certain reasons and they really have no clue. Why not ask a question instead of assuming whatever you want. I am a mother that chose not to breastfeed. It wasn’t because I couldn’t or shouldn’t. It was because I didn’t want to. And I’m a firm believer that if I don’t want to do something and I try to do it just because society thinks I should – it’s not going to go well. But leave it to other mothers to question my decision. Anyone else didn’t think twice about my choice, but almost 90% of all the other mothers thought my reasoning was absurd and found the need to tell me.
  6. I am happiest when I get to pee alone.
  7. I am saddest when I feel alone at two o’clock in the afternoon. Every. Single. Day.
  8. My biggest fear. That my children will not be who they want to be because they feel the need to impress others.
  9. I am ashamed of the amount of time, or lack there of, I give to myself. I believe mothers are better mothers when they put themselves first. If you feel good about yourself, then you can be a better mother to your children.
  10. Something I need to forgive.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I don’t want to f**king talk to you! This is mostly for my neighbor who comes to my house every day while my son is taking a nap and I am trying to get work done. But I hear myself saying this in my head to more and more people every day.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. Unfortunately, I can’t really say that I have an answer for this one either. I don’t keep secrets. I’m not a gossip – that’s different. But I can say that I don’t keep anything to myself. I am an open book. Definitely don’t tell me your secrets.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My weight. This is such an obvious answer, but it’s a true one. And I know it resonates with many mothers. We have a hard time excepting our new bodies after babies. It’s sad, but again, it’s true and we shouldn’t deny it. I’m slowing working my way to feeling healthier and hopefully losing a few pounds in the process.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. That I’ve stayed married to the same man for five years. Laugh all you want, but I’m serious. I was what you call a “serial dater.” I think the longest relationship I had before my husband was a year. The rest usually lasted no more than three months. Actually, my husband and I were engaged after three months of dating and married within the year. We moved fast, but we knew it was the real deal from the start. I never saw myself married or with children. I always thought I’d be living the single life in the city. Now I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
  15. I wish I wasn’t a worry wart. I don’t know how to be satisfied. I’m always trying to fix things and I’m certainly the most over-protective mother you’ve ever met. I need to take a chill pill sometimes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. My mother was my best friend. I found I could tell her anything. I hope to raise my children the same way. It was such a comfort.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Just because your stern and have rules doesn’t mean you don’t love your children. While my mom was my best friend, my father was the opposite. He was the enforcer and made sure I didn’t get into trouble growing up. It was a good balance between my mother and father.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Not really sure how to answer this. If we’re talking religion, then I have to tell you: I’m atheist. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith. It just means I have a different kind.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Can we go back to the weight thing? Plus I’ll be turning 30 in a few months so I’m hoping I’ll have that different feeling. Like I’m finally an adult. I still feel like a teenager sometimes. A teenager with a never-ending babysitting job.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I am who I am and it doesn’t bother me if other’s don’t like me for who I am. I believe everyone is different, not better or worse from others. We are all unique and we should embrace that.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What is your most embarrassing moment as a mother?