somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

55. She Was Right All Along! May 31, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)


I am 24 years old.


I am married.


I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.


stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).


I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.


I live rural.


I own.


I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.


I am straight.


Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I’m the oldest of six children and was homeschooled until 7th grade. Although I complained then, I’ve decided I want to do the same for my children and have our lives based on family.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while co-sleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is, is angling for more attention for themselves.
  6. I am happiest when I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
  7. I am saddest when I see children suffer.
  8. My biggest fear is that my children may suffer, too.
  9. I am ashamed of my weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. up.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  My natural birth!
  15. I wish that people would open their eyes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  She was right all along!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Let your children be children.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I will be 30 lbs lighter!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I think. A lot.
 

53. Listen to Your Gut, It’s Usually Right May 7, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:47 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am  39… years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children.  Ages 9 and 12.

I work full-time.

I am upper middle class.

I live in rural.

I own.

I have a master’s degree.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  It was challenging.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Listen to your gut, it’s usually right.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child.  He has disabilities that make learning and life challenging.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Losing my cool and making a hurtful comment I wish I could take back.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Not teaching their children to empathize and be accepting of others.
  6. I am happiest when I am running.
  7. I am saddest when my children are sad.
  8. My biggest fear is losing a child.
  9. I am ashamed about a bad decision as a young adult.
  10. Something I have forgiven is my parents for not being perfect.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I love you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  If I tell then I will have told YOU.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself is to be more mindful in everything I do.
  14. My biggest accomplishment is overcoming adversity and getting my masters degree.
  15. I wish my children health and happiness.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting is to listen and validate your children’s thoughts and feelings.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting is to never laugh at someone’s dreams.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I believe that life is a journey in which one strives for enlightenment.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year is that I can spend less time at work.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  My greatest strength is my determination.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.   What do you do to manage stress?
 

52. I Can and Will Do Better By My Boys March 30, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 35 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Boys ages 2 & 4.

I stay home.

I am middle.

I live urban.

I rent.

I have an incomplete degree.  Due to lack of financial support, I was unable to complete my degree in Journalism.  Hope to go back once my boys are in school full-time.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian Southern Girl

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Tumultuous.  Passed back & forth between divorced parents.  One parent was no better than the other.  I never had a sense of security growing up & felt insignificant.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Prepare for sleepless nights, spit up, sterilizing everything, but most importantly falling in love in a way that you never have before.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  I have a son with congenital heart defects (2 surgeries down, likely more to follow).  My other son has Autism.  But, they are perfect just the way they are, and I’ll advocate for them until the day I die.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Sleep deprived & crying at 3 am when my son woke up for a feeding at 8 weeks.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The ones that look at you as though you’re doing it all wrong, when they really don’t know your situation.  Also the mommy “cliques”.  It’s like high school with a baby on one hip & a toddler attached to your leg.
  6. I am happiest when we are together on the beach as a family, teaching my son to surf, watching my younger son help build a sandcastle, and both boys playing in the water with us (& sporting their super cute Spiderman life vests).
  7. I am saddest when I watch my son struggle with Autism.  When my baby is in the hospital for surgeries on his heart.
  8. My biggest fear.  Not doing enough for my children.
  9. I am ashamed of.  I don’t have a career outside of the home.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  The trauma that my mother put me through as a child, which continued through my adulthood.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  To my grandfather, who passed away almost a year ago:  You are my hero, and I love you & miss you beyond words.  To my grandmother who passed when I was 16, I love you & miss you every day.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  My mother use to send me into our local convenience store to buy her cigarettes.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  Letting go of the past, breaking the chain of emotional trauma, so that my children don’t grow up with a depressed mom.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying a great man.  My beautiful, blue-eyed 4-year-old surfer boy.  My adorable, chubby 2-year-old, who loves to entertain us all.
  15. I wish.  A cure for Autism.  Meaningful, lifesaving research for congenital heart defects.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  That I can & will do better by my boys.  I will always put them first.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  My biological father hasn’t spoken to me since I was 21.  But my mom’s ex-husband, who helped raise me from the ages 4 to 14, has taught me that I have to savor every moment with my boys. He’s taught me how to be optimistic, encouraging, and he has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I’m Catholic, my husband is Jewish.  We are an interfaith family.  I really enjoy the fact that I can celebrate God in any house of worship… including out in nature to see God’s beauty, and even in my own back yard as I watch cardinals, mockingbirds, hummingbirds, owls & bluejays visit me there.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I will be healthy (battled illness for months now), that I will feel well enough to care for my boys with out a lot of help.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I haven’t had an easy life, but I feel blessed because I have a good husband & father as our family leader.  For every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  I believe that we should be raising children to not just accept their differences among their peer, rather to embrace others for who they are, regardless of race, religion or ethnicity.  It’s a tradition that every parent should pass on, in hopes that someday we will live in a more peaceful & secure world.
 

51. Anger is a Genetic Disease March 18, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:32 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

 

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: 34 months-girl and 6 months-girl.

stay home.

I have caviar taste on a Wal-Mart budget.

I live suburban.

just bought our first home.

I completed high school then took 10 years to “find myself” and complete a college degree that put me so far into debt that I’ll never be able to repay in my lifetime and am now armed with skills in an industry that is not needed in a depression… excuse me “recession”.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m as mutty as they come, but consider my cultural background to be “West Coast”.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.

I’m the eldest and only girl with 4 younger half brothers.  Spent my time moving back and forth 3,000 miles between parents.  It’s not my fault I’ve lived in the most beautiful places in America, so I try very hard every day to lower my expectations of… everything and everyone. 

  1. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.

Do not take for granted your babies.  Sure, they can’t wipe their ass, but they are the fuel for your soul.

  1. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).

I worry intensely about raising girls as I have not conquered my demons as of yet.  I feel like I should have done that before I had children, but I’m not even sure I know how.  I worry about passing on my food issues, my anxiety, and my people pleasing, my persistent negative self-talk. 

  1. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).

I am still mortified at how I yelled at my daughter and spanked her one time when she would quit getting out of bed at night.  I didn’t seem to have a lick of common sense in my head that day.  It haunts me now and I hope she never remembers it. 

  1. What annoys me most about other mothers.

Moms who are constantly competitive—oh your child can do this?  Mine was doing that weeks ago!!!  Moms who don’t discipline their children in public (I don’t mean spanking, I mean consistent parenting no matter where you are). 

  1. I am happiest when.

My daughter comes up to me and tells me she loves me and snuggles me tightly.  There is no where else in the universe I’d rather be.

  1. I am saddest when.

I feel out of control, like a bad mom, bad wife, bad friend, etc., etc.,  I can get myself down pretty easily.

  1. My biggest fear.

My biggest fear is losing my family.  I am constantly thinking about “what if…” because I feel so lucky and I always worry that it can be taken away at any moment.

  1. I am ashamed of.

There is nothing I am ashamed of but myself.  My body probably.  It disgusts me.

  1. Something I need to forgive.

Hahahahaha.  One thing?  Well, my therapist and I have started by trying to forgive my parents.  Work in progress. 

  1. Something I wish I could say to someone.

Are you a moron or what?

  1. Something I have never told anyone.

I’m pretty open, pretty extroverted, and make friends easily so I’m not sure there is anything I haven’t told anyone. 

  1. Something I am trying to change about myself.

I am trying to change my lifestyle, my eating, my thoughts about my body.

  1. My biggest accomplishment.

I guess successfully raising a little human being this far has been my biggest accomplishment.  The icing on the cake:  she’s sweet, smart, kind, and hilarious.  I have to give that up to her, but I’ll take credit for nudging her along that path.

  1. I wish.

I wish I was perfect and never made bad decisions.

  1. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.

Anger is a genetic disease.

  1. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.

Physical affection is more important than things.

  1. How I would describe my faith life.

Spirituality can be found, cultivated, and celebrated from within.

  1. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.

I’d like to be working for the first time in 3 years.

  1. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.

You haven’t figured out that I’m extremely hard on myself and others yet?  Idiot…

  1. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

48. I’m Scared, I’m Not Strong, I Need Help January 15, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 3:35 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)

I am 35 years old.

I am happily married to a great husband who wasn’t always a great husband but who I always loved.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: son, 7; daughter, 9.

I work sporadically.  I’m currently in school alternating with co-op work.

I am probably lower middle.  We are struggling right now, but I know it always won’t be this way.

I live suburban.

I own.

I completed college.  Got a degree. Decided I didn’t like my career after 10 years and am now back in college for another degree.

I am straight.  Although, I’ve always said should something go amiss in this marriage (#2 for me) I’ll definitely switch teams.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background:  very average white.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  It was not always easy mostly through my own fault, but it has shaped the person I am today in mostly good ways.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing.  It’s the toughest job I’ve ever had.  Very rewarding when you step back from the daily struggles and look at the amazing people you have created and are doing your best to raise.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  Having suffered through being bipolar for most of my life, I worry about passing that on to my children either genetically or through memories of my low moments.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Being the cause of the first set of stitches/staples needed by one of my children.  I was angry and decided to head out to the front porch for some air.  I thought my bulldog was trying to nose her way out the door to follow me and I reached back and slammed the door.  It was my daughter coming out to apologize.  The storm door hit her just right and she needed 4 staples to her scalp.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Motherhood is not a contest to show how smart your kid is or how many activities he/she is involved in or how overly involved you are in your kids lives.  Do your best, let your kids live and learn at their pace and give other mothers who are struggling a break.
  6. I am happiest when I’m in the kitchen.  I love experimenting with new recipes and seeing if it’s a hit with the family.
  7. I am saddest when I have to explain the hard parts of life to my kids.  Their reactions are almost always sadness at realizing that some things don’t always work out the way you want.
  8. My biggest fear.  I’m afraid of everything.  It’s a product of anxiety driven by my bipolar.  I’m most scared that my son who has social/emotional issues on the autism spectrum will have a more difficult time in life.
  9. I am ashamed of yelling.  I’m a screamer and it scares my kids particularly my son.  I’ve managed to tone it down a lot in the last several years but it remains a lasting legacy from being raised by my mother (also a screamer).
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Myself.  I have struggled for years with the ups and downs of bipolar.  I have given up even on a few occasions and have done many things I am not proud of.  I need to forgive those past transgressions and concentrate on how far I have come as a mother, a daughter, a friend, and a wife.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I’m scared, I’m not strong, I need help…I struggle with appearing vulnerable to people and accepting help, even from those closest to me.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.   I can’t think of not one thing I haven’t told at least one person.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My level of self-confidence, my weight, my level of patience with others.  I long to be calm and secure in myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Saving my marriage.  It was rough for a time and I’m extremely thankful I hung in there and it wasn’t too late for us to change.
  15. I wish there was a way I could succeed at all the things I’m involved with (my education, homeschooling, my marriage, etc) without sacrificing not one little thing.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Your best is all you can do in raising your children.  Try hard and in the end however things turn out they will realize you did your best with the tools you were given (financial, emotional, and otherwise).
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  My father was absent, in fact he didn’t even acknowledge my birth or claim to be my father.  It taught me that though a girl can grow to be a woman without a father that there is something to be said for a man who has a good relationship with his daughter.  There is no better person to teach a girl how women should be treated by men, that your worth is not wholly wrapped up in how men treat or perceive you,  and what to expect and how to deal with relationships.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  Evolving. The same way I hope my children’s does.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Continuing to better my marriage and my relationship with my children.  Slimmer and healthier would also be a plus.  I’ll add financially more stable as well for good measure.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I’m a wealth of mostly useless trivia.  I grew up in the city but long to live a life on a farm complete with cows and chickens.  I love butter and believe it is not as bad as most everyone else thinks it is. I love Halloween but dislike scary movies.
 

45. Silence Equals Death November 3, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:02 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: 8, boy. 5, boy.

I work full-time at home, upper part-time outside the home.

I am lower-middle.

I live urban, I guess. For the small town I live in that’s 50 percent below the poverty level.

I rent.

I tell everyone I completed high school, but I didn’t.

I am other. My husband is straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: White with extremely GLBT positive background. 

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I was raised by a F-T-M parent. FTM is a female to male transgendered person. My father used to be my mother. My parents divorced when I was two so my bio father was never an active part of my life. My mother decided to change over when I was 12 so we went through puberty together. I grew up in a local GBLT community with a lot of people like my dad (or variations) so I was quite comfortable in the GLBT community. Now that I’m married and living the “straight” life, I miss that sense of community with people like me.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Listening is key. Listening until you think you absolutely think your brain can’t take any more in. And you can never hug too much.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. They’ll grow up as relationship-stunted as I am.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). I have too many. That’s my low. No, really.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Too “plugged in”. Can’t unplug for a second to check in with their kids.
  6. I am happiest when I have time to spend enjoying my kids. Lately, I’m spread SO thin. I don’t feel I have enough time with them playing and laughing and cuddling. It’s spent doing the real sh*t to keep them alive.
  7. I am saddest when I’m at work and can’t be at home to serve them the dinner that I made and have that great dinner conversation that is two boys.
  8. My biggest fear. That I’ll turn out like my mother in law and my son will cut me out like my husband has his mother. Because she’s evil. I’d hate it if that happened.
  9. I am ashamed of my need to feel validated or to be right that it really overcomes the goodness that I know is inside of me.
  10. Something I need to forgive is the mistakes my mother in law made while raising my husband. I don’t know if I ever can get to that point.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone is I was wrong. I don’t often admit that I could be wrong.
  12. Something I have never told anyone is that I’ll never forgive my husband for letting his family convince me to abort one of our children.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself is to slow down and lose the mentality that everything has to be done and it’s got to be done right now. I’m not a superhero. I can’t be everything and do everything for everyone. It’s just not possible to keep it up forever.
  14. My biggest accomplishment is getting my kids to the age they are without major catastrophes. How I’ve not damaged them in a huge way blows my mind.
  15. I wish I could say that my kids will have a stable home with a mother and a father still married. I can’t promise that. Not forever.
  16. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting is that it’s important that your child knows that no matter what, you’ll still love them and do your best to support without telling them what is best for them. Your kids needs to make mistakes on their own.
  17. How I would describe my faith life. Prayer doesn’t solve everything but having that inner monologue with your own idea of a higher up can give you relief and peace of mind that you can’t get anywhere else. You’ve also got to have faith in yourself, that even though things may be bad today, they may be better tomorrow, even if just a sliver.
  18. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year is we’ll be on stable financial ground so that we can finally be able to get the things we need and not have to starve to do it.
  19. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. You are never alone. It may seem like you’re alone but there’s always someone out there to connect with. It took me a long time to get that silence really equals death. It DOES. Open your mouth, reach out. You’ll find that once you do and you voice your feelings about your life and how you feel, there just might be someone out there who will say “YES. I feel that way, too. Thank you for saying something so I don’t feel alone anymore, either.” We’ve all become so closed off from each other with the computer screens, cell phones and big screen t.v.’s that it’s hard to see the real people behind the technology. It is okay to unplug and admit you’re human.
  20. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

40. Things Can’t Be Unsaid or Undone October 5, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:27 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 27 years old.

I am living common law with my “hubby” (fiance).

I have 2 incredible boys, aged two and three.

I am a full-time domestic engineer!

I am middle upper (not sure why that is relevant?)

I live in an urban city, but in a northern rural area.

I own.

I completed highschool and some post secondary education (university).

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Canadian, (Newfoundland). Heritage is Scottish, Irish and English.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My family. and remembering where my “roots” are. 
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. It’s ok to ask for help. If you do, it doesn’t make you less of a mother, or a woman. It’s ok to not know everything. Life is a learning experience. We never have all the answers, and no one does. Take everything with a grain of salt.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. I always fear that I could be doing more. Whether its teaching more, playing more, loving more, cuddling more, snuggling more. My fear is that they will one day feel it was never enough. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When we had to bring my son to the emergency room to have his finger glued together. We were busy with the other child while visiting my parents, and my youngest got hold of her razor and cut his finger open. I was mortified. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Lack of support. It seems there is ALWAYS someone judging someone else about SOMETHING. Whether it’s breastfeeding, discipline, baby wearing or whatever else….It always seems we find fault in the way others do something. 
  6. I am happiest when I am with my family. I love just relaxing with them, playing with them, just BEING with them.
  7. I am saddest when I think too much about life. There are just so many injustices in the world, and only so much I can do. It makes me sad to know how well we have it here, just for the luck of being born here. I want to be able to help everyone, but I can’t physically do that. It upsets me and frustrates me. Overall, if I think about inhumanity around the world, it  makes me sad. 
  8. My biggest fear. Failing as a mother/wife/woman/daughter/sister, etc….and spiders 🙂
  9. I am ashamed of things in my past. But am slowly learning to work past them. 
  10. Something I need to forgive. My father. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I love you despite the hurt you have caused me and my family. 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. Can’t tell it here either 😉 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My physical appearance (lose weight) and my mental well-being. (being more positive). 
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My children!!! 
  15. I wish that one day my children (or grandchildren) can live in a war-free world, without hurt caused by others.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That encouragement is needed for children to thrive.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Things can’t be unsaid or undone. So choose your words and actions wisely.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Spiritual, but not religious.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Be happy with myself, and live for myself and my family. Not to be so concerned with what others think.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. That when the world feels like crumbling, the touch of someone you love can easily strengthen the entire universe.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.