somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

16. Focus on Life’s Moments July 14, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:17 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 25 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 3rd trimester!

I stay at home.

I am middle.

I live urban.

I own & rent.

I completed undergrad & graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian Canadian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Having my father work out of the country and being raised by my mother who struggled.
  1. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Advice would be lovely. Question: How do I rid myself of the expectation of doing it ‘perfect’.
  1. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  I am concerned about raising a kind, intelligent, confident and motivated child.
  1. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  So far, eating a jalapeño cheese Fat Franks and knowing it wasn’t nutritious for my growing baby!
  1. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The ‘new age’ type of parenting… I grew up playing on an acreage with bare feet in the mud and probably ate some. Never used hand sanitizer, did it even exist? Birthday parties weren’t big shows and they were just ‘play dates’ with cake and a few presents. Parenting seems to have gotten complicated.
  1. I am happiest when.  I reflect on my life and the people I have by my side.
  1. I am saddest when.  I set myself up for unrealistic expectations and fail.
  1. My biggest fear.  Loosing anyone in my immediate family.
  1. I am ashamed of.  My lack of confidence.
  1. Something I need to forgive.  Honestly, I work very hard on forgiveness and make it a priority. Forgiving myself is my biggest struggle.
  1. Something I wish I could say to someone.  NO. It’s not in my vocabulary enough and I over extend myself too much.
  1. Something I have never told anyone.  My sister attempted suicide in high school because of her anxiety and I’m the only one who knows.
  1. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My procrastination.
  1. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying my best friend.
  1. I wish.  I had less financial struggles at this time in life.
  1. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  That no one is perfect and forgiveness is essential.
  1. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Being away from your family isn’t worth an extra 0 on your paycheck. He is still struggling with forgiving himself for this.
  1. How I would describe my faith life.  I am constantly struggling and growing in getting to know God more.
  1. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I take it easy and focus more on life’s moments rather than crossing things off my to-do list.
  1. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I grew up with a very troubled mother who gave every attempt she had to be the best mother she knew how. She was an alcoholic and my sisters and I raised her as much as she did us. 25+ years later I look at my beautiful mother as my best friend and a survivor. I hope to be half the mother that she was, regardless of her flaws.                               
  2. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

3. What We Strive for When They are Young…./…Fear When We are Old June 10, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:14 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 59 years old.

I am married.

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: 36-year-old boy/man, 35-year-old boy/man, 34-year-old boy/man, 30-year-old daughter

stayed at home when raising kids.

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

rent.

I completed a 2 year nursing program.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian…

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents were alcoholics, my father worked for companies in multiple countries so we traveled a lot, there was very little security or continuity in my young life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I went through. 37 years ago. Try and enjoy the moment realizing that the fatigue, frustrations, anxiety and challenges will go away, be dealt with and are a part of the game. Time truly does pass faster than you can believe and there are so many things I wish now that I had done with my children. I watch mine with my grandchildren now and I’m pleased that they are taking that advice.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Many things concerned me about mine…my main concern was making sure that they always felt secure and loved. You can climb any mountain if you are propelled by both.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being the one that had to make the decision to put my son through a surgical procedure that I knew was going to be painful and require a long recovery…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The two extremes…the overly protective paranoid mother and the mother that is so unconcerned she’s almost catatonic. 
  6. I am happiest when. I get to spend time with my adult children and enjoy them…their humor, personalities and successes…and I know I had a little part in all of them. Don’t get me started on the grandkids.
  7. I am saddest when. I look back and realize the mistakes I made with them…the times I was too self-absorbed to realize they were in pain and needed an ear. Those times haunt me.
  8. My biggest fear. That at some point my children will feel that they no longer need me in their life…independence is complete. It’s what we strive for when they are young…what we fear when we are old.
  9. I am ashamed of. The moments I lashed out in anger…usually never justifiable.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for what they did to me.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m sorry your father and I fought so hard at times…and that it made you cry. I saw you…I should have made it stop.
  12. Something I have never told anyoneI was molested…once… by a friend of my mother and fathers…I hated him…and them for not protecting me.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. I’m unsettled…I need to be happy with where I am.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. The kids
  15. I wish.I could do portions of my life over.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.Be honest with your children…follow through on promises or don’t make them…and that love can make up for disappointments. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.To give a little bit of yourself and your time is more important than all the money you throw at a child.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Strong faith but very accepting of other faiths and differences…many paths to the same destination.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. current location…closer to the kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Not really
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Questions are good…