somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

48. I’m Scared, I’m Not Strong, I Need Help January 15, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 3:35 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)

I am 35 years old.

I am happily married to a great husband who wasn’t always a great husband but who I always loved.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: son, 7; daughter, 9.

I work sporadically.  I’m currently in school alternating with co-op work.

I am probably lower middle.  We are struggling right now, but I know it always won’t be this way.

I live suburban.

I own.

I completed college.  Got a degree. Decided I didn’t like my career after 10 years and am now back in college for another degree.

I am straight.  Although, I’ve always said should something go amiss in this marriage (#2 for me) I’ll definitely switch teams.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background:  very average white.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  It was not always easy mostly through my own fault, but it has shaped the person I am today in mostly good ways.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing.  It’s the toughest job I’ve ever had.  Very rewarding when you step back from the daily struggles and look at the amazing people you have created and are doing your best to raise.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  Having suffered through being bipolar for most of my life, I worry about passing that on to my children either genetically or through memories of my low moments.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Being the cause of the first set of stitches/staples needed by one of my children.  I was angry and decided to head out to the front porch for some air.  I thought my bulldog was trying to nose her way out the door to follow me and I reached back and slammed the door.  It was my daughter coming out to apologize.  The storm door hit her just right and she needed 4 staples to her scalp.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Motherhood is not a contest to show how smart your kid is or how many activities he/she is involved in or how overly involved you are in your kids lives.  Do your best, let your kids live and learn at their pace and give other mothers who are struggling a break.
  6. I am happiest when I’m in the kitchen.  I love experimenting with new recipes and seeing if it’s a hit with the family.
  7. I am saddest when I have to explain the hard parts of life to my kids.  Their reactions are almost always sadness at realizing that some things don’t always work out the way you want.
  8. My biggest fear.  I’m afraid of everything.  It’s a product of anxiety driven by my bipolar.  I’m most scared that my son who has social/emotional issues on the autism spectrum will have a more difficult time in life.
  9. I am ashamed of yelling.  I’m a screamer and it scares my kids particularly my son.  I’ve managed to tone it down a lot in the last several years but it remains a lasting legacy from being raised by my mother (also a screamer).
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Myself.  I have struggled for years with the ups and downs of bipolar.  I have given up even on a few occasions and have done many things I am not proud of.  I need to forgive those past transgressions and concentrate on how far I have come as a mother, a daughter, a friend, and a wife.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I’m scared, I’m not strong, I need help…I struggle with appearing vulnerable to people and accepting help, even from those closest to me.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.   I can’t think of not one thing I haven’t told at least one person.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My level of self-confidence, my weight, my level of patience with others.  I long to be calm and secure in myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Saving my marriage.  It was rough for a time and I’m extremely thankful I hung in there and it wasn’t too late for us to change.
  15. I wish there was a way I could succeed at all the things I’m involved with (my education, homeschooling, my marriage, etc) without sacrificing not one little thing.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Your best is all you can do in raising your children.  Try hard and in the end however things turn out they will realize you did your best with the tools you were given (financial, emotional, and otherwise).
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  My father was absent, in fact he didn’t even acknowledge my birth or claim to be my father.  It taught me that though a girl can grow to be a woman without a father that there is something to be said for a man who has a good relationship with his daughter.  There is no better person to teach a girl how women should be treated by men, that your worth is not wholly wrapped up in how men treat or perceive you,  and what to expect and how to deal with relationships.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  Evolving. The same way I hope my children’s does.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Continuing to better my marriage and my relationship with my children.  Slimmer and healthier would also be a plus.  I’ll add financially more stable as well for good measure.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I’m a wealth of mostly useless trivia.  I grew up in the city but long to live a life on a farm complete with cows and chickens.  I love butter and believe it is not as bad as most everyone else thinks it is. I love Halloween but dislike scary movies.
 

31. Kids Don’t Need Your Drama August 27, 2011

 

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 38 years old.

I am forever engaged! Been together for 11 years. Financial reasons.  One day though… One day.

I have 3/5 children. Here are their ages/genders:  12 month old Girl. 5-year-old Boy. 9-year-old Girl.  14-year-old sorta-step I consider my Daughter. 15-year-old sorta-step I consider my Son.

I stayhome/workparttime/workfulltime.  Ya, pretty much.

I am lower/lower middle/middle. Depending on the time of the year and DH current employment status.

I live in mini-suburbia.  Long story.

I rent.

I completed for certificate, but didn’t get the paper.  oops.

I am straight.  Although I think I fit “other” pretty well.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m Irish, Norwegian and Native American.  So, I burn, tan and have a temper about it. ;0

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I was raised by hippies who initially believed that everyone was equal.  Then they got older, divorce and changed their way of thinking. I strive to avoid following their path.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Invest in a good lock for the bedroom door.  When the tantrums fly, lock yourself in.  That is, until you calm down.  Then go apologize for being the bigger baby.  Kids don’t need your drama.  They have their own.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  My 9-year-old was recently diagnosed with the early onset of Bipolar disorder.  No surprise she got it from me.  It’s under control, but it is always a concern.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  When I spanked my child and left a mark.  Ya, no way to make that funny.  I felt horrible.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Umm…. hmm… Only thing I can think of is when mom’s make their kids do stuff because they didn’t get to do it as a kid, and the kid hates it.  I mean, it’s ok if the kid, and they are all into it too, GREAT! But when they aren’t and the mom doesn’t back off… ya.  That’s annoying.
  6. I am happiest when my kids do well and achieve goals/milestones/achievements, despite the fact that I am their mom.
  7. I am saddest when we are financially not doing well.  My DH is an on again/off again employed Computer Tech.  When he works, we do really well.  When he doesn’t… I get sad.  I hate the ebb and flow of it all and how my kids have to live as a result.  We do well, make the best of it and muddle through with smiles on our faces, but not without tears and worry behind the scenes.
  8. My biggest fear. They may grow up to be just like me. (this was originally my answer for 3.  Then I realized it was better off here.)
  9. I am ashamed of my actions in #4.  Since then, I don’t spank.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Myself for #4.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.   Yes. To my Scottish would be Mom In Law: I’m IRISH.  Get OVER IT! 
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I don’t think there is anything I have never told anyone.  I have said all I need to say.  Maybe not to people I need to say them too… but they have been said.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am really trying to come out of my shell.  (stop laughing, it’s true!)  You would be surprised how initially shy I am when meeting new people.  The anxiety I get just thinking about going in front of new large groups is almost crippling.  Now, once I get there, get to know everyone and get a beer in me…. I’M GOOD!
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Being a mom of 3.  Sounds really corny, but it too is soooo true. 
  15. I wish this was question 20.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Whatever you expect, be open-minded and plan for just the opposite.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Some people are just not meant to be parents?
  18. How I would describe my faith life. To each their own.  I have one.  Sort of.  Nuff said.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Financial stability.  Finally married, maybe?
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  Zombies.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  If you had a million dollars, what would you buy… for yourself?