somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

52. I Can and Will Do Better By My Boys March 30, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 35 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Boys ages 2 & 4.

I stay home.

I am middle.

I live urban.

I rent.

I have an incomplete degree.  Due to lack of financial support, I was unable to complete my degree in Journalism.  Hope to go back once my boys are in school full-time.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian Southern Girl

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Tumultuous.  Passed back & forth between divorced parents.  One parent was no better than the other.  I never had a sense of security growing up & felt insignificant.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Prepare for sleepless nights, spit up, sterilizing everything, but most importantly falling in love in a way that you never have before.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  I have a son with congenital heart defects (2 surgeries down, likely more to follow).  My other son has Autism.  But, they are perfect just the way they are, and I’ll advocate for them until the day I die.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Sleep deprived & crying at 3 am when my son woke up for a feeding at 8 weeks.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The ones that look at you as though you’re doing it all wrong, when they really don’t know your situation.  Also the mommy “cliques”.  It’s like high school with a baby on one hip & a toddler attached to your leg.
  6. I am happiest when we are together on the beach as a family, teaching my son to surf, watching my younger son help build a sandcastle, and both boys playing in the water with us (& sporting their super cute Spiderman life vests).
  7. I am saddest when I watch my son struggle with Autism.  When my baby is in the hospital for surgeries on his heart.
  8. My biggest fear.  Not doing enough for my children.
  9. I am ashamed of.  I don’t have a career outside of the home.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  The trauma that my mother put me through as a child, which continued through my adulthood.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  To my grandfather, who passed away almost a year ago:  You are my hero, and I love you & miss you beyond words.  To my grandmother who passed when I was 16, I love you & miss you every day.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  My mother use to send me into our local convenience store to buy her cigarettes.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  Letting go of the past, breaking the chain of emotional trauma, so that my children don’t grow up with a depressed mom.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying a great man.  My beautiful, blue-eyed 4-year-old surfer boy.  My adorable, chubby 2-year-old, who loves to entertain us all.
  15. I wish.  A cure for Autism.  Meaningful, lifesaving research for congenital heart defects.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  That I can & will do better by my boys.  I will always put them first.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  My biological father hasn’t spoken to me since I was 21.  But my mom’s ex-husband, who helped raise me from the ages 4 to 14, has taught me that I have to savor every moment with my boys. He’s taught me how to be optimistic, encouraging, and he has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I’m Catholic, my husband is Jewish.  We are an interfaith family.  I really enjoy the fact that I can celebrate God in any house of worship… including out in nature to see God’s beauty, and even in my own back yard as I watch cardinals, mockingbirds, hummingbirds, owls & bluejays visit me there.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I will be healthy (battled illness for months now), that I will feel well enough to care for my boys with out a lot of help.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I haven’t had an easy life, but I feel blessed because I have a good husband & father as our family leader.  For every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  I believe that we should be raising children to not just accept their differences among their peer, rather to embrace others for who they are, regardless of race, religion or ethnicity.  It’s a tradition that every parent should pass on, in hopes that someday we will live in a more peaceful & secure world.
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34. What Loss Feels Like September 7, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:06 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).
I am 38 years old.
I am married.
I have 6 living children. Here are their ages/genders: Boy-16, Boy-13, Girl-11, Boy-8, Boy-4, Girl-19 mos.
I stay home.
I am middle-upper.
I live urban/suburban
I own.
I completed highschool and 8 semesters of college.
I am straight.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I am 75% Irish and 25% Polish, born and raised in the USA!
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents practiced attachment-parenting, home-birthing, whole-food-eating, alternative education LONG before these things even had names!
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Deep breaths, smile a lot, keep your sense of humor, and don’t sweat the small stuff.
    3. Something that concerns me about my children. Communicating to them the importance of their faith and their relationships with each other.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Only ONE? ha ha. I suffer from OMG (Overactive Mommy Guilt), so I have one of these moments every day, IMO.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Over-protectiveness and the need to make their children happy at all times.
    6. I am happiest when my husband and kids are all around me and no one is arguing. 
    7. I am saddest when I think about how quickly the time passes and how little time I have to impart so many lessons.
    8. My biggest fear is having one of my children break off communications with another family member or the entire family.
    9. I am ashamed of my quick temper.
    10. Something I need to forgive. Myself.
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I forgive you.
    12. Something I have never told anyone. Honestly? I am a blabbermouth who wears her heart on her sleeve, so I can’t think of a single thing that I haven’t told at least 1 person!
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Again, my quick temper.
    14. My biggest accomplishment. It’s my personal belief as a Catholic that my goal is to get all of my children into Heaven, so I am extremely proud that my daughter Fiona, who was born still on her due date, is now in Heaven.
    15. I wish I could remember to be more compassionate.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. NEVER say “NEVER”. Your children will humble you and force you to be ashamed of your own behavior as a child. My mother taught me how to be a gracious “apologetic” and an even more gracious “apology-accepter”.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. You can never be too generous with your children. Never.
    18. How I would describe my faith life. I am a Roman Catholic, a “cradle Catholic”, who has always loved being Catholic and tries her best to love and serve God.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I will be a more patient, loving person.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I have had EVERY kind of childbirth experience you can think of! 2 c-sections (with a m/c at 11 weeks in between the first 2 babies) followed by a VBAC at home in water, followed by a c-section for a complete placental abruption, THEN another m/c at 11 weeks, then a c-section for a full-term stillborn baby. THEN, I had a planned c-section at 36 weeks with a very healthy baby, but had to have my incision re-opened 5 days post-op, and it took 15 weeks to heal from the inside out with my husband doing all dressing changes by himself. Our last baby was born by emergency c-section at 34 weeks for a complete uterine rupture. We were extremely blessed that the amniotic sac did not rupture, and she was found completely outside of my uterus in the intact sac. Other than being a bit premature, she was extremely healthy. We thank God every day for our blessings. We know what loss feels like, we know what prayer can do, we know how love lives forever.
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

26. Not Everyone Gets That Chance August 12, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:42 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 48 years old.

I am married.

I have 3 step-children, 41 & twins who are 39.

I am retired.

I am middle class.

I live suburban.

I own my house

I completed high school & some college.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I am Caucasian but consider my ethnicity as simply American.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing:  My mother died when I was young – but I also was lucky enough to have a wonderful step-mother.  They both made a positive difference in my life.  I am truly lucky to have two such amazing women in my life – not everyone gets that chance.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  I have grand children at this point – enjoy them….they’ll remember these days!
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  They work hard, sometimes too hard in today’s word.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment.  The day I sent my (step)son off to war.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  I have seen some with a tendency to either ignore or yell at their kids.  I understand frustration and anger, but mostly, they want you to listen and your understanding.
  6. I am happiest when my husband is happy.
  7. I am saddest when my husband is sad.
  8. My biggest fear. Getting lost.  I have a GPS in the car.  Hubby bought me a new car with an installed one as soon as they came out…isn’t he sweet?
  9. I am ashamed of the fact that I am not as generous as I can and should be.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My brother.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I would like to tell my mother that dying well was one of the best gifts she’s ever given me – she gave me the patience to help some of my older family members take their final step.  I don’t mean to be a downer, but this truly was a magnificent gift….
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  Dang, I’m an open book!
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am trying to be a healthier person through good nutrition and exercise (hence the blog).
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying a wonderful man who I still adore after 28 years.  Serving my country in the US Marines.
  15. I wish.  Honestly?  For peace on earth, good will towards men.  All our problems would be solved….  Oh, I’d like to win the lottery…but who doesn’t?  I have PLANS for that money!
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  LOVE.  Simple and unconditional. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  That you can change as you get older.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I am Catholic.  It is one of the many things that define me.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I will be healthier and somewhat thinner, my blog will have grown and I am going to England next year…WooHoo!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am happy – truly happy.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  What’s your favorite food?  What’s your favorite thing to cook?  (they’re not necessarily the same thing)