somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

55. She Was Right All Along! May 31, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)


I am 24 years old.


I am married.


I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.


stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).


I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.


I live rural.


I own.


I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.


I am straight.


Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I’m the oldest of six children and was homeschooled until 7th grade. Although I complained then, I’ve decided I want to do the same for my children and have our lives based on family.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while co-sleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is, is angling for more attention for themselves.
  6. I am happiest when I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
  7. I am saddest when I see children suffer.
  8. My biggest fear is that my children may suffer, too.
  9. I am ashamed of my weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. up.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  My natural birth!
  15. I wish that people would open their eyes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  She was right all along!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Let your children be children.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I will be 30 lbs lighter!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I think. A lot.
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54. Once a Mother, Always a Mother ((Happy Mother’s Day!)) May 13, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

 

I am 68 years old.

 

I am divorced.

 

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: 4 girls: 46, 41, 37, 37.  PMS was fun at my house.

 

I am retired.

 

I am lower.

 

I live urban.

 

I rent.

 

I completed Grade 11. To cool for school.

 

I am straight.

 

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Christian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents were always around. My mom was a stay-at-home-mom. Most important we had a christian home.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. It has been a long time since I had children at home that I was responsible for. I did some things right and a lot wrong – but – not one died, got pregnant, or in trouble with the law (that I know of). Some of the things I learnt: Don’t sweat the small  stuff. Don’t expect perfection. Learn as you go. Work together with your mate – you are both learning how to do this job (without training). Don’t criticize your mate in front of your children. Show respect for each other and your children will learn respect. That is a lot of don’ts. Most of all love your children, be patient. Remember you are capable of so much more than you think you are!  Taking on responsibilities doesn’t mean giving up joy. Sometimes it is a great way to find it.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. As mothers themselves they need to count their blessings and be HAPPY and CONTENT with where they are at, at that moment. Cut themselves and others some slack. And ENJOY!
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). There are so many I couldn’t even list them. As for my children they tell me they don’t remember me yelling at them ever!!! So…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. When they compare their kids to other kids, expect them to do “as good” or better in everything. All kids are different(even in the same family). God made them that way. For a reason I might add!
  6. I am happiest when my family is happy, at peace with each other, and enjoying life together.
  7. I am saddest when my children are in discord. They say it doesn’t concern me – but that is not true. It is always my concern. If it hurts your child, it hurts you more. Doesn’t matter how old they are.  Once a Mother always a Mother!
  8. My biggest fear. Something will happen to one of my children or grandkids.
  9. I am ashamed of. After working almost all my life, I will most likely need financial help from my kids in the near future.
  10. Something I need to forgive. Disrespect.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Let yourself be happy and content. Life goes by too quickly to be otherwise. Tell the ones you love–that you do love them often, for no reason, and show it by your actions.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I am afraid a lot of the time that I am not a good enough person, that I don’t deserve to be happy — Then I shake my head and remember –I am God’s child.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. To be more confident, not to be afraid, to believe in myself. Above all to LET GOD!
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My kids! Second: surviving my divorce.
  15. I wish I could be the mother my children envision…  I am not , so they will have to accept what God gave them.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. My Mother made our house a HOME! No matter how much we had or didn’t have. We always felt safe and loved.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. My Father was a patient, kind man. He had a great sense of humour. He loved all his children unconditionally. I strive to be like him!
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I know that God has my life in his hands. I do admit that I have to remind myself of that fact many times.  There are a lot of things to think about, but nothing to worry about!
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. My family will ALL be together happy and content!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  Motherhood is the greatest, unending, most rewarding job you will ever have. You need to know it will never end. Your heart and mind will always be with each one of your children for the rest of your life. SO ENJOY!  Once a Mother, always a Mother.  God Bless.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

32. Once Lost, Can Love Grow Back? August 31, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:41 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am currently married, but am possibly facing divorce after being together for eleven years.

I have a daughter. Here is her age: she will be 7 years old in 3 months time.

have been a full-time housewife and then a stay-at-home mother since I got married and since my daughter was born.

I live in a busy metropolitan city, in a society where status and wealth for some reason matters more than personality.

I completed my undergraduate studies in Psychology and Economics.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: ¾ Chinese and ¼ Dutch. 

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringingMy parents were divorced when I was three years old, because my father was a womanizer and a gambler.  I was raised by my mother, who placed an extremely high importance on education and being financially independent.  My mother went on to marry twice more, but all ended in divorce.  Because of that, I grew up believing that men can’t be trusted.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.   Chill, try to take it easy on yourself.  Don’t beat yourself over a small mistake or oops moment.  And never fear that your child won’t love you back if he or she happens to be difficult during the first few months.  My daughter used to prefer her nanny when she was a baby; she always struggled out of my arms, and I was never able to rock her to sleep in my arms.  I used to hate myself for that… thinking I must have been a bad mother.  But a child knows when he or she’s loved and who loves him/her the most.  I think it was at 5 months old, when suddenly she just decided to stick to me like a glue.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. My impending divorce… it breaks my heart to know that she will not be able to have her mommy and daddy living under the same roof.  I worry of how my divorce would affect her in the long run: in how she views relationships and the opposite sex, in how she carries herself being a child of divorce when her friends are not, and in how she envisions marriage and family life later on.  I also wished I had given her a sibling…  I am an only child.  Growing up being an only child was tough for me because I felt so much expectations coming from my parents.  As I get older, I often wished I had a sibling to share my concerns and feelings, especially when it comes to worrying about my parents’ health.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  It is so easy to take for granted, that my daughter would always be the way she is, that at times when she clung to me or wanted to spend time with me, I too often brushed her aside, say, “Later, Mommy’s busy right now.”  Those moments, once passed, can never be repeated.  I regret the times when I failed to cherish moments that seemed inconsequential.  Time flies when it comes to how quickly our children grow.  It is very easy to miss it if you don’t pay attention.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Mothers who are very competitive and think very highly of themselves. Their children always have to be the best: go to the best schools, get the best grades, do the most extracurricular activities, and achieve various developmental milestones much earlier than other kids.  These mothers, proud of how they raise their children, often believe that their way is the only correct way of parenting.  They look down on other mothers who do things differently than they do (for example, staying-at-home vs. working moms), not realizing that there are moms with different beliefs, and there are also moms bound by circumstances in their lives.
  6. I am happiest when I hear my daughter laughs.
  7. I am saddest when something or somebody hurts my child’s feelings.  My mother instinct immediately kicks in and wants to protect her.  To tell her that she is loved.
  8. My biggest fear is if my daughter is harmed in any way.  And if somehow I passed on before I could fulfill my responsibility in preparing her to stand on her own two feet.
  9. I am ashamed of a lot more than I care to admit.  Of letting problems between me and my husband pile higher and higher until it has become an insurmountable mountain.  Of not being able to give a good example to her of how a marriage life should be.
  10. Something I need to forgiveI need to forgive my father for being the kind of husband to my mother and for the kind of father that he was to me.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I wish I could tell my husband how much I regret not paying more attention to his needs earlier.  I wish I could tell my mother not to worry so much over me.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I’m trying to love myself more.  To not expect myself to be perfect all the time and to not beat myself whenever I make mistakes.  I’m learning to accept that there are things that I’m good at, and there are also things that I’m just not good at… and that’s ok.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Having a daughter who is kind-hearted, full of empathy, always cheerful and excited to learn and try on new things.  There are times when I am just in awe… and so thankful to God, that I, who am so negative and anxious-ridden, am blessed with a daughter that’s so different to me in every (good) way!
  15. I wish for good health for my family, for reconciliation of my marriage, for a closer relationship with God.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. The importance of praise: never punish, always encourage.  And that it is okay to make mistakes.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That even your own father can treat you like nothing more than an atm machine.  Action speaks louder than words.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I am a Christian.  I need to have more faith to “walk by faith and not by sight.”  To spend more time with God, and to be more patient when it comes to His timing.
  19.  Something I hope will be different for me by this time next yearI hope by next year I would already be accepted to the school of my choice (I would like to go back to school) and that I don’t cry as much anymore.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am an introvert, socially awkward despite my outer appearance.  When people see me, they tend to see only the outside.  Of how I live comfortably and how money is not an issue.  Of how could I be crying when my situation is still “much better” compared to other people. It’s so easy to judge people who looked like they have everything as having a life that’s equally perfect, and that there can’t possibly be anything that are worth their complaining about.  Few people realize that problems and trials do not discriminate.  I believe that each person has his or her own cross to bear.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the commentsDo you believe that once lost, love could grow back?
 

11. Love is Enough June 29, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:36 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,
     ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 3 children. Here are their ages/genders: All boys, ages 4, 9 and 11

I am a teacher, so I work full-time during the school year – off all summer!

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

I own.

I completed graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m just a plain old white farm girl.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  My parents are still married and happy!
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, and pick your battles!
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  They do not listen to me!  EVER
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Ugh…there are so many….
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. They think that their children are so perfect, when they are such brats!  I KNOW my kids are evil!  LOL
  6. I am happiest when. My family is all together, snuggled in safe for the night.
  7. I am saddest when. I feel like I am just not doing everything I should be to ensure my family is happy.
  8. My biggest fear. Losing someone who I love so much, again.  
  9. I am ashamed of.  My weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive.   I always forgive.  ALWAYS.  Life is way too short to hold a grudge.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I am pretty outspoken and I speak my mind.  
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I have thought about suicide on more than one occasion.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My weight – I am SO FAT!
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My babies.
  15. I wish. I had more money.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. LOVE is enough, no matter what you do, nobody will ever love you like your momma does!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. It is ok to be firm, and to stand your ground.  Your kids will love you for it later.  
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I am a Christian, but I do not think that you have to behave any certain way to please others.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope that my husband and I can find our way back to one another. 
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. 
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comment
 

10. The Loves of My Life June 27, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:41 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 24 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.

stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).

I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.

I live rural.

own.

I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. 
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while cosleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is is angling for more attention for themselves.
  6. I am happiest when. I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
  7. I am saddest when. I see children suffer.
  8. My biggest fear is. That my children may suffer, too.
  9. I am ashamed of.  My weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. Up.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My natural birth!
  15. I wish. That people would open their eyes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. She was right all along!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Let your children be children.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I will be 30 lbs lighter!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I think. A lot.
 

6. Father’s Day Special: Somefather’s Story June 19, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 1:55 pm
Tags: , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers and somefathers know what they have in common with you).

I am 37 years old. My window for becoming a pro athlete is closing quickly.

I am happily married

I have 3 children. 2 daughters, 5 and 3 and a son approaching 1 year.

I work fulltime, although some may debate this definition.

I am upper-middle.  Getting a little soft around the middle.

I live urban, work urban and rural, but love my remote.

I co-own with the friendly banker.

I completed a doctorate , although often feel like a grammar school level father. 

I am straight, and love my wife’s curves.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Conservative Canadian, by way of Scandinavian descent.  In other words, love my coffee and cakes and socialized healthcare.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Having a close relationship with my sibling and parents.  Knowing that whatever the day holds, however challenging, that I had an awesome family to come home to, go on brilliant vacation with and share the challenges of childhood life. It has taught me to not take the simple things for granted.  What’s important to my kids, even the simplest of details, is important to me.   
  2. My best advice to fathers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Take time for the simple things.  Freeze frame in your mind the simple interactions in life.  Hearing your son say ‘da-da’ or your daughters gentle giggles as you tickle them.  I have taken a few opportunities to video tape my kids engaging in sometimes simple, routine activities: speaking, laughing and reading bedtime stories, as I know these are some of the greatest joys in life, that will last but a moment.  
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Is also a fear…they are growing so quickly, it sometimes strikes me with sadness that some of the moments I cherish most, I will never experience again. Reading bedtime stories, that my eldest can in many cases read for herself, or sharing with my son his first hotdog.  Hey, there are some special moments, in this case questionable meats, that even a 1-year-old can’t resist.
  4. My absolute worst fathering moment (so far).  I’m embarrassed to say there have probably been many, but most memorable (or hopefully stricken from the record) to me was being so angry inside at my girls for something probably ridiculous in hindsight when I know they didn’t deserve it (they never deserve it). Consequently,  they were bathed, and dressed in PJs and dumped into bed without bedtime stories, so that daddy could have some selfish personal time, probably for a TV show that means nothing in comparison to the lost story and tickles time that means so much for them, and probably even more for me.  Shame on me.  
  5. What annoys me most about other fathers. Those who seem to have plenty of time to force their principles on you, or raise their eyebrows when you demonstrate a deviated plan of child rearing action from their game book.  Different strokes for different folks, buddy.  Don’t be so surprised when I tell you I don’t vaccinate.   
  6. I am happiest when.  I have unabridged time with my wife and kids.  Free to take them to places they love to be (the park, swimming pools) and sharing with them places I love to be (hardware store, ice cream shop, camping in the mountains, sports events)
  7. I am saddest when I miss my kids special days like concerts, and performances because I have to work.
  8. My biggest fear is not being able to completely provide for my kids – whether it’s having the answers to some of their biggest challenges (boyfriends, girlfriends, drugs, peer pressure), money to give them all the programs, activities and items they deserve, or just being the perfect dad all kids deserve but few may ever get.
  9. I am ashamed of my behavior when I am too hard on the kids.  They are perfect, brilliant gems that don’t need episodes of scolding or yelling.  
  10. Something I need to forgive. Those whom I feel may have wronged me or my wife and/or kids that really only just ends up getting in the way of having a focused, emotionally pure family relationship. Lets just get on with life.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Stop being angry.  Stop dwelling in the armchair of hurt and maintaining your wall of separation and get on with a productive, loving, healing life.  You’re not doing yourself, your family, or our family any favors.  You know who you are.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  That I, am man, just completed my first woman’s blog quiz, on a site called Somemother, on a weekend when the US open Golf tournament is on all the channels and other men are probably golfing, BBQing steak or drinking beer.  Please don’t tell the guys. 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Patience.  That illusive, desirable trait, that my tank is often low on.  
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Like everyone else, who has spent many years working hard on their trade or limitation or education.  I guess I could say in my case, it is my education.  I didn’t accomplish my kids or my marriage, although those are my greatest sources of love and which I am definitely most proud.
  15. I wish my kids dad drove a Porsche.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Even when you think you have the best, closest, most nurturing, and supportive people rooting for you, the feeling of that eternal source of safety can slip away at the drop of a hat. Always make your kids feel impartially loved. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Being there for your kids.  Long work days allows you to buy many things except for time, very precious time, with your kids. Never bring your work home.  Along with the long hours, never did I see him come through the front door with a briefcase or calculator.  When a dad is home, he is completely home.  Thanks Dad.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. While Keifer Sutherlands would suggest  the only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and the Lord our God.” (wasn’t A Few Good Men a great movie), I would more accurately describe my faith as being a devoted follower of Jesus Christ.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Busy enough at work to allow me to take a weekday off here and there to spend with my wife and kids, without feeling guilty about the time off.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. How would I describe myself…A very proud father and husband.  I can answer many questions about my limitations and frustrations with my life, myself and others, but one thing that I truly know for certain is my love for my wife and my kids.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. I can’t stand that person who… walks their dog up to your child and enthusiastically states “don’t worry, Patches doesnt bite, he loves kids” and proceeds to encourage their dog to lick your child’s face, like my baby yearns to have a big, stinky mutt licking their cheek like it’s some type of rawhide flavoured ice cream cone.  Please don’t be that guy.