somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

54. Once a Mother, Always a Mother ((Happy Mother’s Day!)) May 13, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

 

I am 68 years old.

 

I am divorced.

 

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: 4 girls: 46, 41, 37, 37.  PMS was fun at my house.

 

I am retired.

 

I am lower.

 

I live urban.

 

I rent.

 

I completed Grade 11. To cool for school.

 

I am straight.

 

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Christian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents were always around. My mom was a stay-at-home-mom. Most important we had a christian home.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. It has been a long time since I had children at home that I was responsible for. I did some things right and a lot wrong – but – not one died, got pregnant, or in trouble with the law (that I know of). Some of the things I learnt: Don’t sweat the small  stuff. Don’t expect perfection. Learn as you go. Work together with your mate – you are both learning how to do this job (without training). Don’t criticize your mate in front of your children. Show respect for each other and your children will learn respect. That is a lot of don’ts. Most of all love your children, be patient. Remember you are capable of so much more than you think you are!  Taking on responsibilities doesn’t mean giving up joy. Sometimes it is a great way to find it.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. As mothers themselves they need to count their blessings and be HAPPY and CONTENT with where they are at, at that moment. Cut themselves and others some slack. And ENJOY!
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). There are so many I couldn’t even list them. As for my children they tell me they don’t remember me yelling at them ever!!! So…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. When they compare their kids to other kids, expect them to do “as good” or better in everything. All kids are different(even in the same family). God made them that way. For a reason I might add!
  6. I am happiest when my family is happy, at peace with each other, and enjoying life together.
  7. I am saddest when my children are in discord. They say it doesn’t concern me – but that is not true. It is always my concern. If it hurts your child, it hurts you more. Doesn’t matter how old they are.  Once a Mother always a Mother!
  8. My biggest fear. Something will happen to one of my children or grandkids.
  9. I am ashamed of. After working almost all my life, I will most likely need financial help from my kids in the near future.
  10. Something I need to forgive. Disrespect.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Let yourself be happy and content. Life goes by too quickly to be otherwise. Tell the ones you love–that you do love them often, for no reason, and show it by your actions.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I am afraid a lot of the time that I am not a good enough person, that I don’t deserve to be happy — Then I shake my head and remember –I am God’s child.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. To be more confident, not to be afraid, to believe in myself. Above all to LET GOD!
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My kids! Second: surviving my divorce.
  15. I wish I could be the mother my children envision…  I am not , so they will have to accept what God gave them.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. My Mother made our house a HOME! No matter how much we had or didn’t have. We always felt safe and loved.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. My Father was a patient, kind man. He had a great sense of humour. He loved all his children unconditionally. I strive to be like him!
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I know that God has my life in his hands. I do admit that I have to remind myself of that fact many times.  There are a lot of things to think about, but nothing to worry about!
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. My family will ALL be together happy and content!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  Motherhood is the greatest, unending, most rewarding job you will ever have. You need to know it will never end. Your heart and mind will always be with each one of your children for the rest of your life. SO ENJOY!  Once a Mother, always a Mother.  God Bless.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

51. Anger is a Genetic Disease March 18, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:32 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

 

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: 34 months-girl and 6 months-girl.

stay home.

I have caviar taste on a Wal-Mart budget.

I live suburban.

just bought our first home.

I completed high school then took 10 years to “find myself” and complete a college degree that put me so far into debt that I’ll never be able to repay in my lifetime and am now armed with skills in an industry that is not needed in a depression… excuse me “recession”.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m as mutty as they come, but consider my cultural background to be “West Coast”.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.

I’m the eldest and only girl with 4 younger half brothers.  Spent my time moving back and forth 3,000 miles between parents.  It’s not my fault I’ve lived in the most beautiful places in America, so I try very hard every day to lower my expectations of… everything and everyone. 

  1. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.

Do not take for granted your babies.  Sure, they can’t wipe their ass, but they are the fuel for your soul.

  1. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).

I worry intensely about raising girls as I have not conquered my demons as of yet.  I feel like I should have done that before I had children, but I’m not even sure I know how.  I worry about passing on my food issues, my anxiety, and my people pleasing, my persistent negative self-talk. 

  1. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).

I am still mortified at how I yelled at my daughter and spanked her one time when she would quit getting out of bed at night.  I didn’t seem to have a lick of common sense in my head that day.  It haunts me now and I hope she never remembers it. 

  1. What annoys me most about other mothers.

Moms who are constantly competitive—oh your child can do this?  Mine was doing that weeks ago!!!  Moms who don’t discipline their children in public (I don’t mean spanking, I mean consistent parenting no matter where you are). 

  1. I am happiest when.

My daughter comes up to me and tells me she loves me and snuggles me tightly.  There is no where else in the universe I’d rather be.

  1. I am saddest when.

I feel out of control, like a bad mom, bad wife, bad friend, etc., etc.,  I can get myself down pretty easily.

  1. My biggest fear.

My biggest fear is losing my family.  I am constantly thinking about “what if…” because I feel so lucky and I always worry that it can be taken away at any moment.

  1. I am ashamed of.

There is nothing I am ashamed of but myself.  My body probably.  It disgusts me.

  1. Something I need to forgive.

Hahahahaha.  One thing?  Well, my therapist and I have started by trying to forgive my parents.  Work in progress. 

  1. Something I wish I could say to someone.

Are you a moron or what?

  1. Something I have never told anyone.

I’m pretty open, pretty extroverted, and make friends easily so I’m not sure there is anything I haven’t told anyone. 

  1. Something I am trying to change about myself.

I am trying to change my lifestyle, my eating, my thoughts about my body.

  1. My biggest accomplishment.

I guess successfully raising a little human being this far has been my biggest accomplishment.  The icing on the cake:  she’s sweet, smart, kind, and hilarious.  I have to give that up to her, but I’ll take credit for nudging her along that path.

  1. I wish.

I wish I was perfect and never made bad decisions.

  1. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.

Anger is a genetic disease.

  1. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.

Physical affection is more important than things.

  1. How I would describe my faith life.

Spirituality can be found, cultivated, and celebrated from within.

  1. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.

I’d like to be working for the first time in 3 years.

  1. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.

You haven’t figured out that I’m extremely hard on myself and others yet?  Idiot…

  1. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

42. I Am the Dairy Queen October 16, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).
I am 34 years old.
I am married.
I have 3 children. Here are their ages/genders: female 6 1/2, female 3 1/2, male 1 1/2.
I work full-time.
I am middle.
I live suburban.
I own.
I completed high school.
I am straight.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Of Polish decent.
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  My father was the one I went to for everything.
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  This too shall pass. No matter how bad things seem in a few weeks you will be onto a new stage.
    3. Something that concerns me about my children.  My eldest has fine motor skill problems that are causing her problems at school.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Last night when I gave my daughter a black eye while I was playing keep away with her doll.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The competition and judging.
    6. I am happiest when I am with my children.
    7. I am saddest when I am away from my children.
    8. My biggest fear.  That my children will hate me when they grow up.
    9. I am ashamed of hating my kids in the moments the house is total chaos.
    10. Something I need to forgive.  I can’t be perfect.
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Don’t judge me because I do things differently then you.
    12. Something I have never told anyone. I gave my child a smack once when I was overwhelmed (lack of sleep had a lot to do with it and a child who still wasn’t sleeping at 4 a.m.).
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  To let go of my need for perfection.
    14. My biggest accomplishment.  The birth of my 3 children.
    15. I wish I could stay home with my kids while providing for my family.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  You can fix relationships that weren’t perfect growing up.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Children are the most important thing and that relationship is very rewarding.
    18. How I would describe my faith life.  It’s there but it’s more like Christmas and Easter than every Sunday at church.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I can be home more with my children.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am the dairy queen, I have been nursing for 6 1/2 years non-stop through 2 pregnancies and 1 miscarriage. I’ve tandem nursed twice, nursed my eldest until 4 and still nursing the youngest 2.
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

35. NYC Special: This Kind of Freedom is Invaluable September 10, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:43 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).
I am 42 years old.
I am married.
I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: M/9, F/3
I stay home.
I am middle (upper-middle anywhere other than where I live, NYC).
I live urban.
I co-own.
I completed undergrad.
I am straight.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Nada. Just white.
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I remember long summer days spent outside with neighborhood friends far from the watchful eye of an adult. I think this kind of freedom is invaluable. I wish I could give that to my children, but, because of where we live, it’s tricky.
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. I am horrible at giving advice because every situation is different. Every child is different. Trust your instincts, I guess, would be my advice…at any stage of parenting.
    3. Something that concerns me about my children. My son worries a lot. My daughter needs constant entertainment.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). I’ve had many during this heat wave. Most recently, my daughter fell over in her stroller because she was pushing herself around in it. We were in a store and I was paying and suddenly she was tipped over backward in the stroller, crying – out of surprise more than pain. And what did I do? I yelled at her. In front of the whole store. I had told her repeatedly not to push herself around by her feet for exactly that reason. But I would have liked to have shown a little compassion. She could have hurt herself.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Competitive parenting. Ugh!
    6. I am happiest when my kids are happy.
    7. I am saddest when I don’t make time for myself.
    8. My biggest fear is losing one or both of my children.
    9. I am ashamed of my tendency to procrastinate.
    10. Something I need to forgive. My father and I had a fight years ago. We’ve moved forward but deep down I am harboring a grudge.
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m playing the lead in a Broadway play!
    12. Something I have never told anyone. There is nothing about myself I haven’t told at least one person. And I’m not going to tell about someone else. However, I am pretty sure I have never told someone to f**k off. Maybe kidding around, but not seriously. 
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My tendency toward excess. Looking for moderation and balance.
    14. My biggest accomplishment (outside of hopefully raising healthy, well-adjusted children) will be finishing my play about motherhood.
    15. I wish parenting counted for more in our society. I wish family and community were a more integrated and valued part of life. I wish we weren’t forced to the sidelines the way we are. I wish it were easier to keep more (or, hell, even all) of yourself engaged while raising your children.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. You never stop learning.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. You can’t always fix things, however much you wish you could.
    18. How I would describe my faith life. Non-existent.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. A lot could be different. Both of my children will be in school full-time this fall. But, most simply, I hope to have a job that pays. I miss a paycheck.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I can’t tell you. That’s what my play is about!!
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Are you parenting the way you imagined you would before you had kids?
 

27. I have a big family and I LIKE IT! August 15, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 6:34 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am married.

I have 7 children. Here are their ages/genders: 12M, 10F, 8M, 6F, 4F, 2F, 2mo. M

I stay home when I’m not running kids to various sports etc. 😉

I am upper-middle class.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed highschool and a tech school for dental assisting. I’m a college dropout though because I could never pick a major for more than one semester. 

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background. So very white.

My blog URL. http://staceysmotheringmoments.com/

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Hmmm. This is a tough one. I suppose my upbringing was pretty typical and boring. Is that significant?
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Laugh. Not that I always take my own advice, but when the kids are screaming and the straw that breaks the camel’s back gets dumped all over the newly cleaned kitchen floor, it’s always better to laugh. And take lots of deep breaths. This too shall pass.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Letting them out into the world. I’m not a “keep ’em close at all times” kind of mom, but there is some scary crap out there. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Oh geez. Which one? I have never professed to be a perfect mother, but probably the worst moment was screaming at my two-year-old because she had gotten into the nail polish and gotten it all over the carpet, walls…you name it. When I stopped and looked at her terrified face, it broke me. It was definitely not a mother of the year performance on my part. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Their need to prove themselves. We are all just trying our hardest, why not be comrades instead of competitors?
  6. I am happiest when my children are happy.
  7. I am saddest when I screw up, as in #4. I hate that I’m so human sometimes.
  8. My biggest fear.  Alienating my children when they are teenagers.
  9. I am ashamed of the fact that sometimes I don’t even want to be around my children and pray they’ll go play at someone elses house. 
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Myself. Every day. I am so hard on myself and my downfalls. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Back off lady, I have a big family and I LIKE IT!
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I don’t know. I’m pretty open.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Yelling at my kids. I hate doing it. And yet, by the third time I tell them to get in the dang car, I lose it. I think I need more patience. 
  14. My biggest accomplishment. I ran my first half-marathon last spring. I am NOT a runner. (Ok, maybe I am now, but I wasn’t.)
  15. I wish I could go on vacation for a month to the beach and have someone else do all the hard stuff like packing and cleaning and cooking. I just want to sit and watch the kids play.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. It’s never easy.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That it’s ok to disagree with your kids and it’s ok to apologize when you mess up. 
  18. How I would describe my faith life. So very important, but not always as much as an active role as it should be. 
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope to have lost my baby weight and be training for another half-marathon
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  People think I’m amazing because I have so many children. I have a lot of people who either look at me like I’m crazy or are in awe. I am neither a crazy woman (ok, so maybe that’s up for debate) or a woman to be in awe of. I take one day at a time and I do it imperfectly. I do the best I can and I am constantly learning, sometimes the same lesson over and over again. I love my children and I love my life as it has turned out, but if you asked me when I was young what I wanted in life, who I am is not the answer you would have received. 
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. How do you find ways to be happy in the every day monotony of motherhood?