somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

43. My Only Saving Grace October 20, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:02 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 48 years old.

I am married.

I have 5 children. Here are their ages/genders: 16-27 3 boys, 2 girls.

I work part-time for my own personal company.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed high school & some undergraduate schooling.

I am straight!

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: American with Swedish heritage.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

1.    The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Raised in a wonderful, faithful, LDS Christian home with 5 siblings. It was busy, crowded, chaotic… but grand.

2.    My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Good luck! Becoming an empty-nester and having my children grow and leave has been the most difficult stage for me to adjust to. But, I’m doing my best and learning to embrace this new stage.  Years of developing good relationships with my children is my only saving grace. They still call and visit. So, I have 2 best pieces of advice: 1) make sure you have a good relationship with your kids and 2) have something about yourself that identifies you outside of being a mother. Once your children are gone you will find that you will have many hours in the day to fill. The wonderful thing is it won’t be filled with dirty diapers, laundry, cleaning up spills, or wiping noses anymore. So have something you enjoy doing. Something useful and meaningful. 

3.    Something that concerns me about my children. I worry most about them raising their own little families in a world that is becoming increasingly immoral and violent.  

4.    My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Do I dare tell? I’m sure I have several and you would probably get different answers depending on which child you asked. My daughter would probably tell you it was when I insisted she go to school (in 3rdgrade) even though she told me she felt sick. “You’ll be fine. Your tummy ache will go away when you get to school and see all your friends.” About an hour later I got a phone call from the school nurse informing me my daughter had thrown up all over her classroom and several of her friends!  

5.    What annoys me most about other mothers. When they spoil their children and don’t make them accountable for what they do.

6.    I am happiest when I am surrounded by my children and grandchildren. Despite the Chaos. 

7.    I am saddest when one of my children suffers.

8.    My biggest fear. I’m guessing many mothers’ fear not being a good mother. Did I do that right? I should have done such-n-such differently. My biggest fear is that I might in some way fail my children.  

9.    I am ashamed of. I’m not ashamed of too many things. Ashamed is a pretty strong word. I guess, I am ashamed of myself when I don’t exhibit love and patience as I should to my husband, children, or even the bad driver who just cut me off.  

10.  Something I need to forgive. Probably myself for my many mistakes.

11.  Something I wish I could say to someone. That’s tuff. My parents raised us to be pretty confident and not afraid to express our opinions. I should probably say the actual words “I love you” more often to my husband.

12.  Something I have never told anyone. I can’t tell.

13.  Something I am trying to change about myself. I wish I were a morning person! I have often said if I could invent any magic pill I wanted it would be one that would allow me to function on only 2 hours of sleep. Then I could easily get up early and have plenty of time to do all I need and want to do and not be tired. Can you imagine? Oh, it would be fabulous! On a more serious and realistic note I want to be more loving and charitable.

14.  My biggest accomplishment. Raising 5 amazing, talented, faithful, smart, independent, motivated children! Also, in my 40’s I swam in the Shark Fest which is across the San Francisco bay from Alcatraz to shore! And as a Grandma of 5 I hiked half-dome in Yosemite.

15.  I wish for world peace. Right? That’s what we’re supposed to say. Sometimes, actually, I just wish I could be caught up on my laundry. Is that asking too much?  

16.  Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. To love each of my children equally no matter what.

17.  Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Always fill my children with praise, praise, praise.

18.  How I would describe my faith life. My life is filled with faith. I am very active in the LDS church. I have a strong, unwavering testimony of my Savior. I love the gospel and the blessings it brings into my life. It strengthens, comforts, inspires, and guides me in everything I do.

19.  Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I will be incredibly busy with a new company, E3imagine, that I have recently become involved with. Hoping to travel the world and help promote families and educate children.  

20.  Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I’m a sports fanatic. All our children are athletes so my back will forever ache from all the years and years and years of sitting on bleachers. Game after game. Hard bleacher after hard bleacher. Would I change it? Not one bit!

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26. Not Everyone Gets That Chance August 12, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:42 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 48 years old.

I am married.

I have 3 step-children, 41 & twins who are 39.

I am retired.

I am middle class.

I live suburban.

I own my house

I completed high school & some college.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I am Caucasian but consider my ethnicity as simply American.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing:  My mother died when I was young – but I also was lucky enough to have a wonderful step-mother.  They both made a positive difference in my life.  I am truly lucky to have two such amazing women in my life – not everyone gets that chance.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  I have grand children at this point – enjoy them….they’ll remember these days!
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  They work hard, sometimes too hard in today’s word.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment.  The day I sent my (step)son off to war.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  I have seen some with a tendency to either ignore or yell at their kids.  I understand frustration and anger, but mostly, they want you to listen and your understanding.
  6. I am happiest when my husband is happy.
  7. I am saddest when my husband is sad.
  8. My biggest fear. Getting lost.  I have a GPS in the car.  Hubby bought me a new car with an installed one as soon as they came out…isn’t he sweet?
  9. I am ashamed of the fact that I am not as generous as I can and should be.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My brother.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I would like to tell my mother that dying well was one of the best gifts she’s ever given me – she gave me the patience to help some of my older family members take their final step.  I don’t mean to be a downer, but this truly was a magnificent gift….
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  Dang, I’m an open book!
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am trying to be a healthier person through good nutrition and exercise (hence the blog).
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying a wonderful man who I still adore after 28 years.  Serving my country in the US Marines.
  15. I wish.  Honestly?  For peace on earth, good will towards men.  All our problems would be solved….  Oh, I’d like to win the lottery…but who doesn’t?  I have PLANS for that money!
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  LOVE.  Simple and unconditional. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  That you can change as you get older.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I am Catholic.  It is one of the many things that define me.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I will be healthier and somewhat thinner, my blog will have grown and I am going to England next year…WooHoo!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am happy – truly happy.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  What’s your favorite food?  What’s your favorite thing to cook?  (they’re not necessarily the same thing)
 

24. There is No Better Teacher in the World Than a Parent August 5, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:12 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)

I am 64 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 boys, 43 and 32.

I work at home.

I am middle upper.

I live in a rural area.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I lived in 7 addresses the first 11 years, both Midwest and Texas.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Be respectful to your children when they have children.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Nothing. They are great parents.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When my older son was 2, we took him to a park. At some point in the afternoon, I let him get out of reach and he decided to run away  straight for a cement lock with no fence.  A bystander realized I could not get to him before he fell and ran to scoop him up and bring him back. The potential was terrifying. I didn’t let him get out of reach the rest of the afternoon.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Nothing, unless they hit their children.
  6. I am happiest when I have my grandchildren with me.
  7. I am saddest when it has been a long time since I’ve seen my grandchildren.
  8. My biggest fear. Not getting to finish my goals.
  9. I am ashamed of not figuring out how to get close to my mother.
  10. Something I need to forgive. I need to forgive myself for not being a perfect mother.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. To my roomie, who died of breast cancer, leaving behind 3 young children, “I miss you.”
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I think my feet are perfect.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Losing that last five pounds.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Learning how to fly.
  15. I wish I was fluent in Chinese and French.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Babies cry; it’s ok.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  There is no better teacher in the world than a parent.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. You are what you do.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Financial results will let me reach a big goal I’ve been working on for five years.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn¹t been captured by the questions above. I love to write.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  What advice would you give grandmothers?
 

3. What We Strive for When They are Young…./…Fear When We are Old June 10, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:14 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 59 years old.

I am married.

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: 36-year-old boy/man, 35-year-old boy/man, 34-year-old boy/man, 30-year-old daughter

stayed at home when raising kids.

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

rent.

I completed a 2 year nursing program.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian…

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents were alcoholics, my father worked for companies in multiple countries so we traveled a lot, there was very little security or continuity in my young life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I went through. 37 years ago. Try and enjoy the moment realizing that the fatigue, frustrations, anxiety and challenges will go away, be dealt with and are a part of the game. Time truly does pass faster than you can believe and there are so many things I wish now that I had done with my children. I watch mine with my grandchildren now and I’m pleased that they are taking that advice.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Many things concerned me about mine…my main concern was making sure that they always felt secure and loved. You can climb any mountain if you are propelled by both.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being the one that had to make the decision to put my son through a surgical procedure that I knew was going to be painful and require a long recovery…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The two extremes…the overly protective paranoid mother and the mother that is so unconcerned she’s almost catatonic. 
  6. I am happiest when. I get to spend time with my adult children and enjoy them…their humor, personalities and successes…and I know I had a little part in all of them. Don’t get me started on the grandkids.
  7. I am saddest when. I look back and realize the mistakes I made with them…the times I was too self-absorbed to realize they were in pain and needed an ear. Those times haunt me.
  8. My biggest fear. That at some point my children will feel that they no longer need me in their life…independence is complete. It’s what we strive for when they are young…what we fear when we are old.
  9. I am ashamed of. The moments I lashed out in anger…usually never justifiable.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for what they did to me.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m sorry your father and I fought so hard at times…and that it made you cry. I saw you…I should have made it stop.
  12. Something I have never told anyoneI was molested…once… by a friend of my mother and fathers…I hated him…and them for not protecting me.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. I’m unsettled…I need to be happy with where I am.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. The kids
  15. I wish.I could do portions of my life over.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.Be honest with your children…follow through on promises or don’t make them…and that love can make up for disappointments. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.To give a little bit of yourself and your time is more important than all the money you throw at a child.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Strong faith but very accepting of other faiths and differences…many paths to the same destination.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. current location…closer to the kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Not really
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Questions are good…