somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

46. I Don’t Know Who I Am November 13, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:13 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child (trying for a second): she’s 1.5 years old.

I work full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban. 

I own.

I completed graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: nothing relevant.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Being the oldest of three girls, made me independent and responsible, but also bossy and competitive.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  You are the best mother for your child! Something my yoga teacher once told me that makes me feel better on those days when I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child.  How our nomadic lifestyle will affect her; by the time she’s two, she will have lived in 3 different countries, on 3 different continents!
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Going back to work. I’m very fortunate to have had a year of paid maternity leave, but going back to work 6 months ago completely broke my heart, and it’s still upsets me to spend the day doing ultimately totally insignificant work when I could be raising my child. I just wish mothers had more options…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The judgmental attitudes. Everyone has their own personal circumstances, and their own style of parenting, yet we constantly criticize and look down on those who do things differently from the way we think they should be done. Every mother does what’s best for her baby, and it’s absolutely not our place to criticize or condemn her for choices.
  6. I am happiest when I’m snuggling with my baby girl.
  7. I am saddest when I leave the house to go to work in the morning.
  8. My biggest fear. That something bad will happen to my daughter.
  9. I am ashamed of the way I often disrespect my husband. I think Dads in general get a lot of disrespect, with the common line of thinking that “mother knows best.” I’m really trying to learn that my husband has his own parenting style, that he doesn’t always need to do things the way I do them, and that I can’t on the one hand constantly criticize his parenting style, and on the other berate him for not participating enough with our daughter.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My mom, for not being perfect, for choosing to develop a life of her own when I was a teenager and needed her the most.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I forgive you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I don’t know who I am.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am really really trying to chill out and not be so uptight about everything.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Creating life!
  15. I wish I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom. I’m all for feminism and equality, but I think something went wrong somewhere, and now women are totally looked down on if they choose to opt out of a career and stay home and raise their kids. It kills me that we pay someone to spend the days with my daughter, and essentially raise her, when I so desperately want to.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  To tell my daughter everyday that I love her, and make sure she knows it.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Dads are everything to their daughters.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I believe in goodness.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I hope to have had a second baby, and be on maternity leave so I can be at home with my kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am a firm believer in living a healthy lifestyle, and have so far managed to stick with this philosophy with my daughter: cloth diapers, lots of outdoor time and physical exercise, no tv, no sugar, limited processed foods, etc.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments:  How do you find time for yourself? What do you do that’s just for you?
 

40. Things Can’t Be Unsaid or Undone October 5, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:27 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 27 years old.

I am living common law with my “hubby” (fiance).

I have 2 incredible boys, aged two and three.

I am a full-time domestic engineer!

I am middle upper (not sure why that is relevant?)

I live in an urban city, but in a northern rural area.

I own.

I completed highschool and some post secondary education (university).

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Canadian, (Newfoundland). Heritage is Scottish, Irish and English.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My family. and remembering where my “roots” are. 
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. It’s ok to ask for help. If you do, it doesn’t make you less of a mother, or a woman. It’s ok to not know everything. Life is a learning experience. We never have all the answers, and no one does. Take everything with a grain of salt.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. I always fear that I could be doing more. Whether its teaching more, playing more, loving more, cuddling more, snuggling more. My fear is that they will one day feel it was never enough. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). When we had to bring my son to the emergency room to have his finger glued together. We were busy with the other child while visiting my parents, and my youngest got hold of her razor and cut his finger open. I was mortified. 
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Lack of support. It seems there is ALWAYS someone judging someone else about SOMETHING. Whether it’s breastfeeding, discipline, baby wearing or whatever else….It always seems we find fault in the way others do something. 
  6. I am happiest when I am with my family. I love just relaxing with them, playing with them, just BEING with them.
  7. I am saddest when I think too much about life. There are just so many injustices in the world, and only so much I can do. It makes me sad to know how well we have it here, just for the luck of being born here. I want to be able to help everyone, but I can’t physically do that. It upsets me and frustrates me. Overall, if I think about inhumanity around the world, it  makes me sad. 
  8. My biggest fear. Failing as a mother/wife/woman/daughter/sister, etc….and spiders 🙂
  9. I am ashamed of things in my past. But am slowly learning to work past them. 
  10. Something I need to forgive. My father. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I love you despite the hurt you have caused me and my family. 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. Can’t tell it here either 😉 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My physical appearance (lose weight) and my mental well-being. (being more positive). 
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My children!!! 
  15. I wish that one day my children (or grandchildren) can live in a war-free world, without hurt caused by others.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That encouragement is needed for children to thrive.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Things can’t be unsaid or undone. So choose your words and actions wisely.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Spiritual, but not religious.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Be happy with myself, and live for myself and my family. Not to be so concerned with what others think.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. That when the world feels like crumbling, the touch of someone you love can easily strengthen the entire universe.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

30. The Constant Pursuit of Humanity August 23, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:14 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 38 years old.

I am common-law.

I have 2 girls, a 5yr old,  and 3 month old.

I stay home with our children. Work for money occasionally & volunteer a lot, especially that which benefits community/environment my children grow in.

I am classless (in my mind anyway ;-))

I live urban.

I rent.

I completed a certificate in arbitration & mediation, some university psych major and have discovered that I really don’t want to deal with other people’s drama. My dream career, after kids, is to work in a library, book store, with literature or some such thing.

I am queer.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: European; British, Irish, Scottish, French. I am related to the late Oscar Wilde! This excites me wondrously 🙂

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.   Several things: a) Living humbly; not being overindulged yet having a perfectly magical childhood. b) Compassion for those less fortunate.  c) I always appreciated being given choices. My parents, when I became old enough, often gave me all the information possible and allowed me to make, or help make, the best decision for me. I continue to feel that it is important to include the children in certain aspects of decisions affecting their lives. Learning through experience rather than being told usually sticks better. That being said, I also feel I was given way too much responsibility at times. I seek a balance for my own children.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child-rearing that I just went through. In any stage, keep track of the good moments, write them down if you have to. The ups are worth more than the downs. You can never get that time back so enjoy every bit possible.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Their physical health, especially with regard to genetic immunological disorder. Also, any kind of harm coming to them because of their family situation; discrimination.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Forgetting that my child is just that, a child who is still learning and knows not what I have a lifetime of experience with. Yelling, losing control just that little bit that is too much for a tiny person (the 5 yr old, not the infant!) and makes her feel or act inadequate. I know every (or just about every) parent can relate. But it’s still yucky. Best mothering moment would be building my child up so that she feels on top of the world and I endeavor to, at least, keep these moments in the majority.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Ignoring their children, taking them for granted, having a good time/laugh at the expense of the child. Parents who can’t/don’t take responsibility for their children, rather they  place importance on superficial things.
  6. I am happiest when I feel balanced. Getting time with each child & both children, while getting to do some things I enjoy.
  7. I am saddest when I can’t fix my child’s hurt. The big hurts.
  8. My biggest fear is harm coming to my children.
  9. I am ashamed of ever making my child feel unworthy in any way.
  10. Something I need to forgive is the lack of (intimate) attention I give to my spouse.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone is don’t be so gullible.
  12. Something I have never told anyone is that I get really tired of being environmentally conscientious sometimes too. And have tossed out some valuable recyclables or left the car idling etc simply because I am too tired.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself is to judge others less, even though I do not make it known that I am judging. “Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.”.
  14. My biggest accomplishment is achieving inner balance and being satisfied with myself & passing this along to my family. Teaching by example.
  15. I wish we had just a little bit more money. I wish my partner got to stay home & see our children the way I get to everyday. I wish people would give their head a shake.  I wish adults would think before they speak in front of children. I wish I knew everything. I wish I didn’t have asthma. I wish I didn’t pass it along to my child(ren). I wish the world was perfect. I wish my children would never have to experience heart ache … alas, I suppose this would be to deny them part of the experience of life 😦
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. My mother, for most of my life, has been able to listen to me. Listening & compassion. Simply listening, without verbal opinions, is such a valuable trait.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Creativity is very important to learning & living. Knowledge is power. Compassion.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. The constant pursuit of humanity.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. Tighter abs, seriously, I give myself a year.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Please don’t ask me about the conception of my children in front of them, as if they aren’t even there. Particularly the older one who can hear every (insensitive) word you utter. She is a real live person, with feelings and who is entitled to privacy. Save your curiosity for a more appropriate time.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. How has becoming a mother added to/taken away from your relationship with your partner/spouse? Becoming a mother, or in our case, becoming mothers has been like a glorious blooming flower. It has made each of us grow immensely, in ways I didn’t expect, delightful little ways. However, it is true what is said about the “strain on the marriage”, though I wouldn’t  “blame” it on the children per se, becoming a parent is all-consuming and often it is the spouses who makes sacrifices. Probably because spouses are the only ones who will make sacrifices for our children’s sake and still be with us at the end of it all. At times,  it kind of feels like the relationship can wait. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t I guess.