somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

47. Who are you? Other than mom. December 1, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).


I am 40 years old.

I am married.

I have 3 kidsAll boys.  12, 8 and 6.  I also had two miscarriages that I don’t want to leave out.  They were a huge part of who I am too.

I stay at home.

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

I own.

I completed high school and all but my senior year in college.  I had a fiance that I wanted to turn into a husband and just couldn’t be troubled with finishing school. 

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background:  I’m white and southern. But, not in that icky stereotypical, racist, redneck way that’s so unappealing.  

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I sort of raised myself. My mom died when I was 12.  I am only child.  And my dad dropped out by the time I was 15.  He spent most of his time with his girlfriend in our vacation home 3 hours away.  I was on my own for weeks at a time in high school.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Take time for yourself.  Do whatever it takes to give yourself a regular day off.  Preferably with a friend. I know that date nights and what not are important to marriage, but friend time is important to self.  If you want to remember who you are, spend time with a good friend.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  I worry about one of my sons being too feminine.  I’m not homophobic at all. But, am afraid he’ll be picked on and hurt.  He’s a fantastic, loving kid. And I hate the idea that someone might not love him because of that.  And I want to throw up when I imagine someone hurting him for who he is. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  I have two.  My father passed away and I lost a baby the same week.  After a few weeks, I went out with friends and drank way too much.(This is not my norm.) When I got home, my husband had to run out for work for a bit.  I threw up and couldn’t get out of the floor in the bathroom.  I was there with my 4-year-old and he was scared to death.  Hands down, worst parenting moment.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  I know some mothers that don’t seem to take responsibility for raising their kids.  They pass it off to the grandmothers and anyone else who’ll take up their slack.  I don’t get it.  Why become a mother if you don’t want to parent?  It’s not required. 
  6. I am happiest when I’m traveling.
  7. I am saddest when I feel overwhelmed by the housework.
  8. My biggest fear is of something happening to one of my kids.
  9. I am ashamed of my weight.  I used to have a really good figure.  I had a lot of my self-worth tied up in it.  I had a really nice rack and a flat, flat tummy. And I got lots of attention for it.  And now, I am 40 pounds overweight.  I hate running into people who used to know me when I looked like myself.  But, even though it embarrasses me, I don’t do the work to make it better.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Some people who have taken advantage of me (and are taking advantage of me) in business situations.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  You are evicted.  You cannot blackmail me anymore.  Get out.  And go away. If you want a vacation house, get a job and buy one.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I am a total open book.  I tell everything.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I want to be more organized.  I am a train wreck in the organization department and I’d love to make that better.
  14. My biggest accomplishment is doing a great job with my boys.  I’m a good mother.(Except for the drunken mess when my oldest was 4).
  15. I wish we could sell everything and travel from here on out.  I’d love nothing more than remaining on a family trip forever.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  I learned that it can end too soon.  Make it count.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  That even if it’s hard, you don’t drop out. You’ll screw up the people you love most if you do.  
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  It ebbs and flows.  At times, I’ve been all over it and very devout.  At other times, I hardly give it a second thought.  Presently, I’m not giving it a second thought.  😦 
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I hope that I’ll be living that dream of being on the road.  We’re working on it.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  There’s much more to me (and all moms) than what you see.  Look past the spit up and calendars and extra pounds and there’s still an individual in there.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  Who are you?  Other than mom.
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42. I Am the Dairy Queen October 16, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).
I am 34 years old.
I am married.
I have 3 children. Here are their ages/genders: female 6 1/2, female 3 1/2, male 1 1/2.
I work full-time.
I am middle.
I live suburban.
I own.
I completed high school.
I am straight.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Of Polish decent.
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  My father was the one I went to for everything.
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  This too shall pass. No matter how bad things seem in a few weeks you will be onto a new stage.
    3. Something that concerns me about my children.  My eldest has fine motor skill problems that are causing her problems at school.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Last night when I gave my daughter a black eye while I was playing keep away with her doll.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The competition and judging.
    6. I am happiest when I am with my children.
    7. I am saddest when I am away from my children.
    8. My biggest fear.  That my children will hate me when they grow up.
    9. I am ashamed of hating my kids in the moments the house is total chaos.
    10. Something I need to forgive.  I can’t be perfect.
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone. Don’t judge me because I do things differently then you.
    12. Something I have never told anyone. I gave my child a smack once when I was overwhelmed (lack of sleep had a lot to do with it and a child who still wasn’t sleeping at 4 a.m.).
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  To let go of my need for perfection.
    14. My biggest accomplishment.  The birth of my 3 children.
    15. I wish I could stay home with my kids while providing for my family.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  You can fix relationships that weren’t perfect growing up.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Children are the most important thing and that relationship is very rewarding.
    18. How I would describe my faith life.  It’s there but it’s more like Christmas and Easter than every Sunday at church.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I can be home more with my children.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am the dairy queen, I have been nursing for 6 1/2 years non-stop through 2 pregnancies and 1 miscarriage. I’ve tandem nursed twice, nursed my eldest until 4 and still nursing the youngest 2.
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

39. I Hurt More Than I Let On October 2, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:04 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 29 years old.

I am married

I have 3 living children (5-boy; 4-girl; 2-girl) & am the mommy to 10 angel babies (9 miscarriages; 1 stillbirth).

work part-time at home; care for my children at home full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian.

My url. I write at Unspoken Grief.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. We were all loved & grew up to be just who we were supposed to be.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Trust your instincts. Always.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. Their food challenges. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). “Failing” my children {miscarriages}.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The need to appear perfect all the time.
  6. I am happiest when. I get ME time.
  7. I am saddest when. I think of Triton.
  8. My biggest fear. Sudden death of myself or a loved one.
  9. I am ashamed of. Very little.
  10. Something I need to forgive. Myself.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I love you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I hurt more than I let on.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. How uncomfortable I feel when complimented. Would love to take it gracefully.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. UnspokenGrief.com.
  15. I wish. Big & all the time.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That I am doing a great job as a mom because of her.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That I don’t need to HEAR I love you to KNOW that I am very loved.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Very different then the traditional meaning.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. My professional life.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I have an amazing husband who has held me up when I fall.
 

34. What Loss Feels Like September 7, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:06 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).
I am 38 years old.
I am married.
I have 6 living children. Here are their ages/genders: Boy-16, Boy-13, Girl-11, Boy-8, Boy-4, Girl-19 mos.
I stay home.
I am middle-upper.
I live urban/suburban
I own.
I completed highschool and 8 semesters of college.
I am straight.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I am 75% Irish and 25% Polish, born and raised in the USA!
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents practiced attachment-parenting, home-birthing, whole-food-eating, alternative education LONG before these things even had names!
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Deep breaths, smile a lot, keep your sense of humor, and don’t sweat the small stuff.
    3. Something that concerns me about my children. Communicating to them the importance of their faith and their relationships with each other.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Only ONE? ha ha. I suffer from OMG (Overactive Mommy Guilt), so I have one of these moments every day, IMO.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Over-protectiveness and the need to make their children happy at all times.
    6. I am happiest when my husband and kids are all around me and no one is arguing. 
    7. I am saddest when I think about how quickly the time passes and how little time I have to impart so many lessons.
    8. My biggest fear is having one of my children break off communications with another family member or the entire family.
    9. I am ashamed of my quick temper.
    10. Something I need to forgive. Myself.
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I forgive you.
    12. Something I have never told anyone. Honestly? I am a blabbermouth who wears her heart on her sleeve, so I can’t think of a single thing that I haven’t told at least 1 person!
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Again, my quick temper.
    14. My biggest accomplishment. It’s my personal belief as a Catholic that my goal is to get all of my children into Heaven, so I am extremely proud that my daughter Fiona, who was born still on her due date, is now in Heaven.
    15. I wish I could remember to be more compassionate.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. NEVER say “NEVER”. Your children will humble you and force you to be ashamed of your own behavior as a child. My mother taught me how to be a gracious “apologetic” and an even more gracious “apology-accepter”.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. You can never be too generous with your children. Never.
    18. How I would describe my faith life. I am a Roman Catholic, a “cradle Catholic”, who has always loved being Catholic and tries her best to love and serve God.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I will be a more patient, loving person.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I have had EVERY kind of childbirth experience you can think of! 2 c-sections (with a m/c at 11 weeks in between the first 2 babies) followed by a VBAC at home in water, followed by a c-section for a complete placental abruption, THEN another m/c at 11 weeks, then a c-section for a full-term stillborn baby. THEN, I had a planned c-section at 36 weeks with a very healthy baby, but had to have my incision re-opened 5 days post-op, and it took 15 weeks to heal from the inside out with my husband doing all dressing changes by himself. Our last baby was born by emergency c-section at 34 weeks for a complete uterine rupture. We were extremely blessed that the amniotic sac did not rupture, and she was found completely outside of my uterus in the intact sac. Other than being a bit premature, she was extremely healthy. We thank God every day for our blessings. We know what loss feels like, we know what prayer can do, we know how love lives forever.
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.