somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

22. The Love of Family July 30, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 12:50 am
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 53 years old.

I am married but sometimes am a single mom.

I have 1 child. He is 12 years old.

I work full-time.

I live in a small town which is very near a larger city.

I rent a town home.

I completed graduate school with an MA in English.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I am an American with German ancestors.  My husband is Igbo, which is a tribe in Nigeria.  And my son has a little of both of us.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my up bringing. The love of family. My family was so wonderful that if I had to choose to stay at a friend’s house or stay home with my family, the family usually won the coin toss.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Enjoy it because time flies.  Keep in mind everything you do or that or child experiences follows him in his life as a part of his personality.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  I have spoiled my son since the day he was born.  I am worried about his attraction to stuff. 
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  My worst mothering moment was when my son had his first seizure, his first round of tics, and when he was diagnosed with diabetes.  Each event crushed me.  What more can a little boy take?
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Advice given as a put down and judgmental.     
  6. I am happiest when. I am happiest when I watch my son lovingly interact with my husband.
  7. I am saddest when.  I am saddest when my son is in pain or distress with his medical issues and learning disabilities.
  8. My biggest fear.  My biggest fear is that I will die before I have my son ready for life on his own.
  9. I am ashamed of.  I am ashamed of nothing.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  I need to forgive the person who took my family farm.  Even though it has been 16 years, I am not ready to forgive.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I wish I could tell my boss to stop being so paranoid and throwing me under the bus.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I have a memory from when I was very young when I was in our neighbor’s house and I recall me being in his bedroom with the neighbor’s son, playing on the bed and the man had no shirt on.  I can’t remember much about what happened after that.  When I was older I learned he had some really unusual sexual habits.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am trying to lose weight.  I have been on a diet my whole life.  I swear I was born 50 pounds.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Getting my masters degree and being the first person in our whole extended family to get a post-graduate degree.
  15. I wish. I wish my son was well and did not have learning disabilities.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Kindness and love are the most powerful things a mother could give.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  There comes a point that you have to let your children go on their own, but the parent will always be there if needed.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I am an explorers of many faiths, and hold onto the commonalities that exist between all of them.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope we have a new home that we own.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I am an author and have a blog.  I love technology and am a gadget freak.  I take pride in who I am, regardless of my flaws.  Some day, when it is the right time, I want to move to Africa.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  What are your special interests?
 

18. Be Careful What You Wish For July 19, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 41 years old.

I am single.

I have 1 child, a boy and he is a brand new 6 yr old.

I work full-time to pay bills and be a mom but my soul slowly melts just a little bit everyday in my chosen career. My current female boss is a bully and I have to put up with it in order to get my level up then I can start looking for a better place or hope she retires sooner…

I am lower middle not sure really (I make enough to live check to check with no savings but have a mortgage, food and clothing and bit for of $ for my son to enjoy some fun times and for me to help keep my hobby going . So I am not sure what that makes me…normal ?

I live urban but would love to live rural.

own but only by the hair of my chinny chin chin..or at this point the moustache that has started to poke out.Shhhh you can only see it in the bright sun depending on the tilt of my face. I have remortgaged again to pay lawyer bills. 

I completed highschool and spent a year at 29 taking a micro computer business course because when I went to school we had smoking room not a computer room.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Ukrainian..Canadian Ukrainian of the prairies.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringingThere is 8 yrs between my sister and I and 6 six between my brother so I was not an only child but felt like one. I was sexually abused by an intern when I was 5 at the hospital getting my tonsils out. I remembered when I was 21.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Be patient, forgive yourself, don’t dwell on what you did or could have done in the situation just know you will learn from it and address the situation better next time. It’s okay to yell once in a while you are human but it also okay to say sorry to your child too…
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). That I am only in his life half time due to our separation and I have done him a great disservice as a mother.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Oh gosh…wishing I stayed with his abusive father so he wouldn’t be so sad that his parents weren’t together any more. Yelling and seeing his little face crushed just as if I had hit him and it was over something so stupid I can’t remember. From this situation I learned to control my urge to yell and now it really does happen rarely and for a good reason but I have learned to explain why I yelled and to say sorry if necessary.  I am only human… 🙂
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Lots of stuff used to annoy me about other mothers but I now realize they are only people who would have annoyed me before, mother or not… so when I meet a neat and honest mom I try to make a friend right away. I don’t have many mom friends because I can’t compete and don’t want to. Sadly for a lot of moms that is what motherhood of a school child is. I am what I am, take or leave it…oh and if you judged because I was a single mom and then you become one later and decide now you can come to my level and be my friend…go F* yourself…yep I said it. While I’m on the topic. I swear …mostly not in front of my kid but sometimes I do so to all those moms that shrink in fear, get over it, my kid knows what a bad word is and is very aware he catches me and lets me know it was wrong ..guess what, we move on and no one got hurt.. .  by the way that is the least of your worries in your child’s life.  
  6. I am happiest when my son is home with me.
  7. I am saddest when he is at his Dad’s and I have pretend I am okay with it. By the way moms who say to me, oh I would love a week away from kids…careful what you wish for.
  8. My biggest fear my son growing up and having his father’s narcissistic traits, gives me shivers really.
  9. I am ashamed of my body. I used to be sexy a size 8 now I’m a part-time single mom with a flappy belly size 12… oh and my messy house..I can’t keep up it seems. I clean when I have time but I am so tired and house by yourself including a big yard to deal with is a lot of work.I don’t want to sound whiney or ungrateful..I am grateful to own a home, just overwhelmed.
  10. Something I need to forgive my body..I had my baby at 35. I didn’t do much to get back in shape and now I have what I have.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m someone special too. Just because I don’t mind being alone doesn’t mean I like being alone. 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. My ex hurt me so bad emotionally and physically that I don’t feel worthy of another man’s love…ever that I really am fat, ugly and useless. I can’t take a compliment from another man to this day…I will die alone because I can’t get past his abuse.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Being hard on myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My son, my house, my friends.
  15. I wish my son a long happy accomplished life. I wish my friends the best in their life. I wish had a man just once that was real lover, and a friend who understood I can only be who I am and nothing more. 
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Be part of your childs life, don’t smother but mother.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Don’t hide behind addictions because you will regret it later and never feel like you can make up for lost moments.I forgive you dad 🙂
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I believe in God, life, love. I believe everyone needs to have a faith whatever that maybe but without they are lost. We all need to believe in something because otherwise what’s the point of being. My faith life is simple …be honest and accepting..be real, ask for help, and always say thank you for any help you receive. Acknowledge goodness always..from someone opening up a door for you or when you see someone else do something kind for another person acknowledge out loud or in your head..the more goodness we put out the better our world becomes. Swear words don’t mean you are a bad person they just mean you need to get a better vocabulary.. 🙂
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I will be  happier with my self, life, home.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I am a part-time mom. My son is shared between my home and X’s for 7 days at a time. This leaves me with 7 days to be a single woman…I don’t know how to be that anymore. I tried my first fling for the first time in 6 yrs..sex is not like riding bike.  Oh my! this taught me that I need to spend some time finding out who I am when I don’t have my son. On the flip side I think this week on week off schedule has taught me to be a better mom because every moment with my son is precious. I want to be all that I can be in those 7 days.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What does sex mean to you now that you have had babies? I can tell you I would love to get it on again but it just feels different now…so how did you get over it or did you?
 

3. What We Strive for When They are Young…./…Fear When We are Old June 10, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:14 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 59 years old.

I am married.

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: 36-year-old boy/man, 35-year-old boy/man, 34-year-old boy/man, 30-year-old daughter

stayed at home when raising kids.

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

rent.

I completed a 2 year nursing program.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian…

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents were alcoholics, my father worked for companies in multiple countries so we traveled a lot, there was very little security or continuity in my young life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I went through. 37 years ago. Try and enjoy the moment realizing that the fatigue, frustrations, anxiety and challenges will go away, be dealt with and are a part of the game. Time truly does pass faster than you can believe and there are so many things I wish now that I had done with my children. I watch mine with my grandchildren now and I’m pleased that they are taking that advice.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). Many things concerned me about mine…my main concern was making sure that they always felt secure and loved. You can climb any mountain if you are propelled by both.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being the one that had to make the decision to put my son through a surgical procedure that I knew was going to be painful and require a long recovery…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The two extremes…the overly protective paranoid mother and the mother that is so unconcerned she’s almost catatonic. 
  6. I am happiest when. I get to spend time with my adult children and enjoy them…their humor, personalities and successes…and I know I had a little part in all of them. Don’t get me started on the grandkids.
  7. I am saddest when. I look back and realize the mistakes I made with them…the times I was too self-absorbed to realize they were in pain and needed an ear. Those times haunt me.
  8. My biggest fear. That at some point my children will feel that they no longer need me in their life…independence is complete. It’s what we strive for when they are young…what we fear when we are old.
  9. I am ashamed of. The moments I lashed out in anger…usually never justifiable.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for what they did to me.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m sorry your father and I fought so hard at times…and that it made you cry. I saw you…I should have made it stop.
  12. Something I have never told anyoneI was molested…once… by a friend of my mother and fathers…I hated him…and them for not protecting me.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. I’m unsettled…I need to be happy with where I am.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. The kids
  15. I wish.I could do portions of my life over.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.Be honest with your children…follow through on promises or don’t make them…and that love can make up for disappointments. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.To give a little bit of yourself and your time is more important than all the money you throw at a child.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Strong faith but very accepting of other faiths and differences…many paths to the same destination.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. current location…closer to the kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. Not really
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. Questions are good…