somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

31. Kids Don’t Need Your Drama August 27, 2011

 

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 38 years old.

I am forever engaged! Been together for 11 years. Financial reasons.  One day though… One day.

I have 3/5 children. Here are their ages/genders:  12 month old Girl. 5-year-old Boy. 9-year-old Girl.  14-year-old sorta-step I consider my Daughter. 15-year-old sorta-step I consider my Son.

I stayhome/workparttime/workfulltime.  Ya, pretty much.

I am lower/lower middle/middle. Depending on the time of the year and DH current employment status.

I live in mini-suburbia.  Long story.

I rent.

I completed for certificate, but didn’t get the paper.  oops.

I am straight.  Although I think I fit “other” pretty well.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m Irish, Norwegian and Native American.  So, I burn, tan and have a temper about it. ;0

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I was raised by hippies who initially believed that everyone was equal.  Then they got older, divorce and changed their way of thinking. I strive to avoid following their path.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Invest in a good lock for the bedroom door.  When the tantrums fly, lock yourself in.  That is, until you calm down.  Then go apologize for being the bigger baby.  Kids don’t need your drama.  They have their own.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  My 9-year-old was recently diagnosed with the early onset of Bipolar disorder.  No surprise she got it from me.  It’s under control, but it is always a concern.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  When I spanked my child and left a mark.  Ya, no way to make that funny.  I felt horrible.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Umm…. hmm… Only thing I can think of is when mom’s make their kids do stuff because they didn’t get to do it as a kid, and the kid hates it.  I mean, it’s ok if the kid, and they are all into it too, GREAT! But when they aren’t and the mom doesn’t back off… ya.  That’s annoying.
  6. I am happiest when my kids do well and achieve goals/milestones/achievements, despite the fact that I am their mom.
  7. I am saddest when we are financially not doing well.  My DH is an on again/off again employed Computer Tech.  When he works, we do really well.  When he doesn’t… I get sad.  I hate the ebb and flow of it all and how my kids have to live as a result.  We do well, make the best of it and muddle through with smiles on our faces, but not without tears and worry behind the scenes.
  8. My biggest fear. They may grow up to be just like me. (this was originally my answer for 3.  Then I realized it was better off here.)
  9. I am ashamed of my actions in #4.  Since then, I don’t spank.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Myself for #4.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.   Yes. To my Scottish would be Mom In Law: I’m IRISH.  Get OVER IT! 
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I don’t think there is anything I have never told anyone.  I have said all I need to say.  Maybe not to people I need to say them too… but they have been said.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am really trying to come out of my shell.  (stop laughing, it’s true!)  You would be surprised how initially shy I am when meeting new people.  The anxiety I get just thinking about going in front of new large groups is almost crippling.  Now, once I get there, get to know everyone and get a beer in me…. I’M GOOD!
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Being a mom of 3.  Sounds really corny, but it too is soooo true. 
  15. I wish this was question 20.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Whatever you expect, be open-minded and plan for just the opposite.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Some people are just not meant to be parents?
  18. How I would describe my faith life. To each their own.  I have one.  Sort of.  Nuff said.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Financial stability.  Finally married, maybe?
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  Zombies.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  If you had a million dollars, what would you buy… for yourself?
 

23. My Husband is a Key Part July 31, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:11 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 39 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: 5-year-old girl, 2-year-old boy

I work full-time, but from home.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Your basic whitey with a dash of Native American.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Divorced parents as long as I can remember. Both parents are extreme opposites.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Don’t forget how freaking cute they are, when you’re super frustrated at their incredible lack of self-control.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. I worry about my children learning empathy. A LOT.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Let’s see, I cut my 3-month-olds toenail too far and it never grew back. That same child now knows that “f**k” is what you say when you’re really, really, mad. She’s 5.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The inability to put yourself — sympathetically — in another mom’s shoes unless she shares your dogmatic  beliefs.
  6. I am happiest when I’m surrounded by my happy family.
  7. I am saddest when I worry about my family.
  8. My biggest fear is that any one of them, at any time could be taken from me.
  9. I am ashamed of my anger at my kids when they embarrass me in public.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My own mother for not teaching me that kids should be allowed to make mistakes. (And adults, for that matter.)
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. “I swear to god, my kids are not usually like this.”
  12. Something I have never told anyone. I’m really scared my daughter will marry the wrong person.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Oh god. Let’s see. Patience, and my weight. In that order.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Teaching my daughter how sexism works, but still putting a positive spin on men and women and how they work together. That’s right, in pre-school.
  15. I wish Supernanny, Jo Frost could live with us three days out of every month.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. That while perfection should never be a goal, it should always be a consideration. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Even the biggest f**k up has kids that love him.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Pure as the driven snow.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. My pre-schooler will stop acting like a teenager.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. My husband is a key part of my health, my happiness, and my children’s happiness. 
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. I’d like to see moms answer the question: When did you decide you were ready to have kids? I decided about three months after I met my husband, and not one second before. I hate that that sounds a little bit like I need a man, because it’s more about me not trusting men, then my dependence on men. But basically, I wasn’t going to do it alone. And thank god I found the right person to do it with. Otherwise, honestly, I never would have.