somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

33. You’ll Get Used to It September 2, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:50 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 24 years old.

I am single.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 16m/F

I stay home for now.

I am lower.

I live urban.

I rent.

I completed high school. Working toward college.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m black with white (european) and latin background.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Didn’t really have much of a father figure, my dad was there physically, but it was as if he wasn’t.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Don’t ever think that it will get easier, ’cause it won’t. It will get different with the stages though, but you’ll get used to IT.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. That her father is semi absent in her life because we don’t live together and that she’ll have daddy and abandonment issues.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being too tired to bring her outside.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. That they think that they know best and they can not be wrong cause they’ve been doing this longer than others.
  6. I am happiest when. I’m with my child.
  7. I am saddest when. I’m not with her.
  8. My biggest fear. That one day I might not be able to provide for her and to attend to her needs. That I die before she can take care of herself.
  9. I am ashamed of. Not being able to be the mother that I wanted/need to be because of my current situation.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for not being the parents that I needed them to be.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I do.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Procrastination/laziness.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My child.
  15. I wish. That change will change for the better and that I’ll always be there for my child.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. You got to put your child’s needs before your own.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That a father is as important as a mother in a child’s life.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Confused.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. That I’ll get back on track and that I’ll be where I wanted to be in life or at least almost there.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I’m a survivor.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
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18. Be Careful What You Wish For July 19, 2011

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 41 years old.

I am single.

I have 1 child, a boy and he is a brand new 6 yr old.

I work full-time to pay bills and be a mom but my soul slowly melts just a little bit everyday in my chosen career. My current female boss is a bully and I have to put up with it in order to get my level up then I can start looking for a better place or hope she retires sooner…

I am lower middle not sure really (I make enough to live check to check with no savings but have a mortgage, food and clothing and bit for of $ for my son to enjoy some fun times and for me to help keep my hobby going . So I am not sure what that makes me…normal ?

I live urban but would love to live rural.

own but only by the hair of my chinny chin chin..or at this point the moustache that has started to poke out.Shhhh you can only see it in the bright sun depending on the tilt of my face. I have remortgaged again to pay lawyer bills. 

I completed highschool and spent a year at 29 taking a micro computer business course because when I went to school we had smoking room not a computer room.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Ukrainian..Canadian Ukrainian of the prairies.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringingThere is 8 yrs between my sister and I and 6 six between my brother so I was not an only child but felt like one. I was sexually abused by an intern when I was 5 at the hospital getting my tonsils out. I remembered when I was 21.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Be patient, forgive yourself, don’t dwell on what you did or could have done in the situation just know you will learn from it and address the situation better next time. It’s okay to yell once in a while you are human but it also okay to say sorry to your child too…
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). That I am only in his life half time due to our separation and I have done him a great disservice as a mother.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Oh gosh…wishing I stayed with his abusive father so he wouldn’t be so sad that his parents weren’t together any more. Yelling and seeing his little face crushed just as if I had hit him and it was over something so stupid I can’t remember. From this situation I learned to control my urge to yell and now it really does happen rarely and for a good reason but I have learned to explain why I yelled and to say sorry if necessary.  I am only human… 🙂
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Lots of stuff used to annoy me about other mothers but I now realize they are only people who would have annoyed me before, mother or not… so when I meet a neat and honest mom I try to make a friend right away. I don’t have many mom friends because I can’t compete and don’t want to. Sadly for a lot of moms that is what motherhood of a school child is. I am what I am, take or leave it…oh and if you judged because I was a single mom and then you become one later and decide now you can come to my level and be my friend…go F* yourself…yep I said it. While I’m on the topic. I swear …mostly not in front of my kid but sometimes I do so to all those moms that shrink in fear, get over it, my kid knows what a bad word is and is very aware he catches me and lets me know it was wrong ..guess what, we move on and no one got hurt.. .  by the way that is the least of your worries in your child’s life.  
  6. I am happiest when my son is home with me.
  7. I am saddest when he is at his Dad’s and I have pretend I am okay with it. By the way moms who say to me, oh I would love a week away from kids…careful what you wish for.
  8. My biggest fear my son growing up and having his father’s narcissistic traits, gives me shivers really.
  9. I am ashamed of my body. I used to be sexy a size 8 now I’m a part-time single mom with a flappy belly size 12… oh and my messy house..I can’t keep up it seems. I clean when I have time but I am so tired and house by yourself including a big yard to deal with is a lot of work.I don’t want to sound whiney or ungrateful..I am grateful to own a home, just overwhelmed.
  10. Something I need to forgive my body..I had my baby at 35. I didn’t do much to get back in shape and now I have what I have.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I’m someone special too. Just because I don’t mind being alone doesn’t mean I like being alone. 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. My ex hurt me so bad emotionally and physically that I don’t feel worthy of another man’s love…ever that I really am fat, ugly and useless. I can’t take a compliment from another man to this day…I will die alone because I can’t get past his abuse.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Being hard on myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My son, my house, my friends.
  15. I wish my son a long happy accomplished life. I wish my friends the best in their life. I wish had a man just once that was real lover, and a friend who understood I can only be who I am and nothing more. 
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Be part of your childs life, don’t smother but mother.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Don’t hide behind addictions because you will regret it later and never feel like you can make up for lost moments.I forgive you dad 🙂
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I believe in God, life, love. I believe everyone needs to have a faith whatever that maybe but without they are lost. We all need to believe in something because otherwise what’s the point of being. My faith life is simple …be honest and accepting..be real, ask for help, and always say thank you for any help you receive. Acknowledge goodness always..from someone opening up a door for you or when you see someone else do something kind for another person acknowledge out loud or in your head..the more goodness we put out the better our world becomes. Swear words don’t mean you are a bad person they just mean you need to get a better vocabulary.. 🙂
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I will be  happier with my self, life, home.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I am a part-time mom. My son is shared between my home and X’s for 7 days at a time. This leaves me with 7 days to be a single woman…I don’t know how to be that anymore. I tried my first fling for the first time in 6 yrs..sex is not like riding bike.  Oh my! this taught me that I need to spend some time finding out who I am when I don’t have my son. On the flip side I think this week on week off schedule has taught me to be a better mom because every moment with my son is precious. I want to be all that I can be in those 7 days.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What does sex mean to you now that you have had babies? I can tell you I would love to get it on again but it just feels different now…so how did you get over it or did you?
 

15. I Wish I Could Say I Love You July 12, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 6:33 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 28 years old. 

I am single. 

I have 1 boy, age 3.

I work at home.

I am barely making it lol.

I live suburban.

I rent.

I completed highschool and almost all of undergrad…

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My family is Greek, but I was raised here.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing was the fact that my biological father took off. I had a wonderful stepfather, though.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of childrearing that I just went through. Take a deep breath and leave the room during temper tantrums. If they won’t hurt themselves, don’t give them attention. You getting upset does NOT help (I tried).
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. He just turned 3 and is still refusing to poop on the potty. I don’t know what to do.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far) was actually just yesterday! My son screamed for 45 minutes at a family picnic. There was nothing I could do, he was just being 3! You shoulda seen my mom and grandma looking at me though lol.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers is this constant need to brag. I’m glad your kids are perfect and your house is perfect and your husband is perfect (I’m not even being sarcastic, I’m happy for you!), but I don’t need you to rub it in my face.
  6. I am happiest when it is bedtime after a long, rough day.
  7. I am saddest when my son goes to his dad’s house (this is new).
  8. My biggest fear is bugs. Bugs and not being able to pay the rent. Mainly bugs.
  9. I am ashamed of the fact that I have not lost the baby weight…because he is 3.
  10. Something I need to forgive is my son’s father. Just because he was not a good boyfriend does not mean he’s a bad father. I project my feelings for my real father onto him, though. Often.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I wish I could say I love you to my mom without this weird hesitation. I know she can hear it, and I don’t know why it happens…
  12. Something I have never told anyone is that I just started seeing someone for the first time since I became single 2 years ago.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself is my laziness about exercise.
  14. My biggest accomplishment is having a happy, healthy little boy that I’ve raised by myself.
  15. I wish I could win the lottery without buying a ticket.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting is that I need to let things go when the disagreement is over. She used to drag things on for hours after the issue was settled.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting is that blood is not always thicker than water.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  No comment.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope we will have moved by then.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above is that often the only time I talk to adults all day is on Twitter.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. I have no idea, I’m sorry! lol
 

1. Keeping the kids out of prison, one single mother at a time June 5, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 9:45 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am twice divorced, because I am better at raising kids than I am at raising husbands. (Don’t comment I need therapy, it’s a joke. As in, HA HA)

I have 4 children. Here are their ages/genders: my girls are 15 & 11 and my boys are 5 & 6.

have been unemployed for over 1 year and am now a student again.

I am now lowest of the low, but aspire to go back to middle.

I live urban.

I rent.

I completed my undergrad degree with another in progress.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Average white bread American. Not toasted.

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringingBeing placed into a group home for “troubled kids” when I was 14. It forced me to realize that I had to conform to obeying authority figures and work on being a good human in general instead of focusing solely on myself. It also gave me many gifts of learning normal daily habits that were previously unknown to me, such as proper house cleaning, how to interact with people (I was shy), etc. I spent 1.5 years there and they ended up being the most significant time of my life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. “Roll with it baby!” Every stage is different with each kid, and sometimes you are going to want to sell your kids and sometimes they are the sweetest gift ever. Don’t get so bogged down in freaking out about a stage because by the time you figure that one out they are in a new stage.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). The impact of two divorces, and different custody schedules & home routines in a total of three different houses. It is exhausting and difficult enough for me to maintain their schedules (I have 4 kids on some days and 2 on others) but for them it is down right confusing. Every morning I drop them at school and have to explain who is picking them up and which siblings they get to see today. I worry this will drive them insane or at least lead to depression, anxiety, etc.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). So many to choose from…probably staying with my 2nd after he hit me, which resulted in him hitting one of the kids next. I left my husband that night but will always wonder why it wasn’t enough to leave when it was focused on me; why I let him near my children knowing it was a possiblity-however remote I believed it to be; what will that child remember (so far nothing, it was minor in physical damage terms); and finally how will I explain to those two children in the future when they ask why we divorced? The older ones know the truth, plus the paperwork exists that exposes it in detail, so lying isn’t an option.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. The perfection game: the moms who can’t accept that we are all getting on-the-job-training for a position we thought would be vastly different. Who knew how much poop we would have to deal with? Enough with the “my Jimmy is so perfect because” crap: the truth is we all suck in varying degrees on different days(even the kids) and we are all just trying to cope and keep our kids out of prison.
  6. I am happiest when my kids are playing nicely, being sweet, and I have chocolate and caffeine nearby.
  7. I am saddest when my kids are away (the next person who tells me weekends off are WONDERFUL will.get.a.black.eye! They are not wonderful. How about you send your kids away every other weekend with the neighborhood creeper guy and see how you handle it?)
  8. My biggest fear is not preparing my kids for life. I am a young mom, and I get things wrong a lot, but I don’t want to produce adults that are negative, or a drain on society. I want to produce positive kids that make a difference in life and are good people. Oh, and that my one son dies early. He has tried to a few times, and I want him to live a long life.
  9. I am ashamed of lots of stuff. Really. My biggest is how I handled a situation with trying to help a friend and ending up telling her story to people I shouldn’t have. I have plenty of excuses (like, cuz I am an idiot?) but bottom line is I should have keep my nose out of it.
  10. Something I need to forgiveI need to truly forgive my parents for their roles in my upbringing.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I wish I could tell my grandmother and grandfather how much I miss them and I wish I had/could have used my time with them on Earth more wisely, not realizing they would be gone so soon.
  12. Something I have never told anyoneI regret ever moving in with my dad in more ways than I can express. In my desire to know more I helped create a disaster. I should have let him stay an almost stranger.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Trying to know myself more, listen to myself more, not bow to peer pressure, and really actually try and lose some weight 🙂
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Surviving and thriving in the midst of life crumbling around me multiple times. I could totally write my life’s story and you would think it was a soap opera.
  15. I wish for a lot of things. Mostly a comfortable life for my kids without such heartache. Although some lottery money would be great!
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parentingPaying attention to your kids when they are little is more important than when they are older! Because it does matter to them if you can or can’t remember how they like their sandwiches.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Throwing money at a “problem” doesn’t make it better. I would rather have real face-to-face conversations than all the money in the world.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Emerging, growing, but in need of better tending by me.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I will have more money to support us, although I doubt it.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. My third child has mild special needs which his father doesn’t want to be involved in. His issues were much bigger when he was younger, but now he is “almost normal”. However, we still deal with multiple therapy appointments a week, and there are things he may never be able to do, like organized sports, etc.  Through his life he has shown me that he is the coolest kid in the world and has me in awe of how he handles his setbacks!
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the commentsWhat one decision in your life would you take back? Mine is easy, I would not have moved away from my hometown after high school.