somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

55. She Was Right All Along! May 31, 2012

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)


I am 24 years old.


I am married.


I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.


stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).


I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.


I live rural.


I own.


I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.


I am straight.


Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. I’m the oldest of six children and was homeschooled until 7th grade. Although I complained then, I’ve decided I want to do the same for my children and have our lives based on family.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children. The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while co-sleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is, is angling for more attention for themselves.
  6. I am happiest when I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
  7. I am saddest when I see children suffer.
  8. My biggest fear is that my children may suffer, too.
  9. I am ashamed of my weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. up.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  My natural birth!
  15. I wish that people would open their eyes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  She was right all along!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Let your children be children.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I will be 30 lbs lighter!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I think. A lot.
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51. Anger is a Genetic Disease March 18, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:32 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

 

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children. Here are their ages/genders: 34 months-girl and 6 months-girl.

stay home.

I have caviar taste on a Wal-Mart budget.

I live suburban.

just bought our first home.

I completed high school then took 10 years to “find myself” and complete a college degree that put me so far into debt that I’ll never be able to repay in my lifetime and am now armed with skills in an industry that is not needed in a depression… excuse me “recession”.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m as mutty as they come, but consider my cultural background to be “West Coast”.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.

I’m the eldest and only girl with 4 younger half brothers.  Spent my time moving back and forth 3,000 miles between parents.  It’s not my fault I’ve lived in the most beautiful places in America, so I try very hard every day to lower my expectations of… everything and everyone. 

  1. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.

Do not take for granted your babies.  Sure, they can’t wipe their ass, but they are the fuel for your soul.

  1. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).

I worry intensely about raising girls as I have not conquered my demons as of yet.  I feel like I should have done that before I had children, but I’m not even sure I know how.  I worry about passing on my food issues, my anxiety, and my people pleasing, my persistent negative self-talk. 

  1. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).

I am still mortified at how I yelled at my daughter and spanked her one time when she would quit getting out of bed at night.  I didn’t seem to have a lick of common sense in my head that day.  It haunts me now and I hope she never remembers it. 

  1. What annoys me most about other mothers.

Moms who are constantly competitive—oh your child can do this?  Mine was doing that weeks ago!!!  Moms who don’t discipline their children in public (I don’t mean spanking, I mean consistent parenting no matter where you are). 

  1. I am happiest when.

My daughter comes up to me and tells me she loves me and snuggles me tightly.  There is no where else in the universe I’d rather be.

  1. I am saddest when.

I feel out of control, like a bad mom, bad wife, bad friend, etc., etc.,  I can get myself down pretty easily.

  1. My biggest fear.

My biggest fear is losing my family.  I am constantly thinking about “what if…” because I feel so lucky and I always worry that it can be taken away at any moment.

  1. I am ashamed of.

There is nothing I am ashamed of but myself.  My body probably.  It disgusts me.

  1. Something I need to forgive.

Hahahahaha.  One thing?  Well, my therapist and I have started by trying to forgive my parents.  Work in progress. 

  1. Something I wish I could say to someone.

Are you a moron or what?

  1. Something I have never told anyone.

I’m pretty open, pretty extroverted, and make friends easily so I’m not sure there is anything I haven’t told anyone. 

  1. Something I am trying to change about myself.

I am trying to change my lifestyle, my eating, my thoughts about my body.

  1. My biggest accomplishment.

I guess successfully raising a little human being this far has been my biggest accomplishment.  The icing on the cake:  she’s sweet, smart, kind, and hilarious.  I have to give that up to her, but I’ll take credit for nudging her along that path.

  1. I wish.

I wish I was perfect and never made bad decisions.

  1. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.

Anger is a genetic disease.

  1. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.

Physical affection is more important than things.

  1. How I would describe my faith life.

Spirituality can be found, cultivated, and celebrated from within.

  1. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.

I’d like to be working for the first time in 3 years.

  1. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.

You haven’t figured out that I’m extremely hard on myself and others yet?  Idiot…

  1. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

49. I Am Grateful Almost Every Day For It All February 4, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 12:19 am
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you)

I am 29 years old.
I am married.
I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 4/F
I work part-time.
I am lower middle (in my area, but I guess some geographical regions might consider us upper middle).
I live suburban.
I own.
I completed undergrad.
I am straight-ish.
Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: white.
 
NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU
    1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Independence, DIY ethos.
    2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Be patient, give YOURSELF a time out if you must but try to be understanding to your child instead of just insisting on a certain behavior.
    3. Something that concerns me about my child.  Cavities.
    4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Spanking and yelling.
    5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Putting infants in daycare.
    6. I am happiest when I have a little work but can get it done and hang out peacefully with my kid and have had some time to work out, too.
    7. I am saddest when I have no office work, my kid is acting up and I am feeling the ennui.
    8. My biggest fear.  My emotional weirdness will affect my kid more than my love and positive attention.
    9. I am ashamed of having hit my kid.
    10. Something I need to forgive.  I have already forgiven being hit by dad and ex-husband, neglected emotionally by parents at critical times and cheated on by husband (with other men, so it wasn’t that bad).
    11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I am often so lonely and not as together as I seem (I do a really good job of keeping it together on the outside.)
    12. Something I have never told anyone.  Nothing, I have confessed or told one thing or another to someone.
    13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  Being calm and more stoic.
    14. My biggest accomplishment.  Marathons and giving birth with no drugs? Making it through college living on my own, paying my own way after marriage at 18, abuse and divorce? Doing my own legal work for my divorce at age 20?
    15. I wish I had more answers.
    16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  It’s OK to be a nosy, butting in mom. Better than being hands off and having the kid be adrift. Stick up for your kid.
    17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Don’t hit your kid.
    18. How I would describe my faith life.  Meh.
    19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Kid’s cavities will be filled and she won’t have more, I’ll weigh 10 lbs less and have my emotions under control.
    20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am grateful almost every day for it all.
    21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. How on earth do people manage to have happy lives, with time for themselves and all there is to do, when they have more than one kid?
 

31. Kids Don’t Need Your Drama August 27, 2011

 

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 38 years old.

I am forever engaged! Been together for 11 years. Financial reasons.  One day though… One day.

I have 3/5 children. Here are their ages/genders:  12 month old Girl. 5-year-old Boy. 9-year-old Girl.  14-year-old sorta-step I consider my Daughter. 15-year-old sorta-step I consider my Son.

I stayhome/workparttime/workfulltime.  Ya, pretty much.

I am lower/lower middle/middle. Depending on the time of the year and DH current employment status.

I live in mini-suburbia.  Long story.

I rent.

I completed for certificate, but didn’t get the paper.  oops.

I am straight.  Although I think I fit “other” pretty well.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m Irish, Norwegian and Native American.  So, I burn, tan and have a temper about it. ;0

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I was raised by hippies who initially believed that everyone was equal.  Then they got older, divorce and changed their way of thinking. I strive to avoid following their path.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Invest in a good lock for the bedroom door.  When the tantrums fly, lock yourself in.  That is, until you calm down.  Then go apologize for being the bigger baby.  Kids don’t need your drama.  They have their own.
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  My 9-year-old was recently diagnosed with the early onset of Bipolar disorder.  No surprise she got it from me.  It’s under control, but it is always a concern.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  When I spanked my child and left a mark.  Ya, no way to make that funny.  I felt horrible.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Umm…. hmm… Only thing I can think of is when mom’s make their kids do stuff because they didn’t get to do it as a kid, and the kid hates it.  I mean, it’s ok if the kid, and they are all into it too, GREAT! But when they aren’t and the mom doesn’t back off… ya.  That’s annoying.
  6. I am happiest when my kids do well and achieve goals/milestones/achievements, despite the fact that I am their mom.
  7. I am saddest when we are financially not doing well.  My DH is an on again/off again employed Computer Tech.  When he works, we do really well.  When he doesn’t… I get sad.  I hate the ebb and flow of it all and how my kids have to live as a result.  We do well, make the best of it and muddle through with smiles on our faces, but not without tears and worry behind the scenes.
  8. My biggest fear. They may grow up to be just like me. (this was originally my answer for 3.  Then I realized it was better off here.)
  9. I am ashamed of my actions in #4.  Since then, I don’t spank.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  Myself for #4.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.   Yes. To my Scottish would be Mom In Law: I’m IRISH.  Get OVER IT! 
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I don’t think there is anything I have never told anyone.  I have said all I need to say.  Maybe not to people I need to say them too… but they have been said.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am really trying to come out of my shell.  (stop laughing, it’s true!)  You would be surprised how initially shy I am when meeting new people.  The anxiety I get just thinking about going in front of new large groups is almost crippling.  Now, once I get there, get to know everyone and get a beer in me…. I’M GOOD!
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Being a mom of 3.  Sounds really corny, but it too is soooo true. 
  15. I wish this was question 20.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Whatever you expect, be open-minded and plan for just the opposite.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Some people are just not meant to be parents?
  18. How I would describe my faith life. To each their own.  I have one.  Sort of.  Nuff said.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  Financial stability.  Finally married, maybe?
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  Zombies.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.  If you had a million dollars, what would you buy… for yourself?
 

12. Canada Day Special: I Am the Person Who Tries to Say It July 1, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 9:01 am
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     ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 38 years old.

I am happily married but often lack the time to truly enjoy our marriage.

I have 2 children; a million dollar family with a 5-year-old boy and 3-year-old daughter.

I mostly stay at home but “dabble” with work a day or two a week.

I am middle, middle upper maybe?  I was once more upper before having kids!

I live urban.

I own.

I completed two undergrad degrees.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background:  I wish I had more of a cultural identity or a closer link with my heritage.  I am caucasian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  I had a mother who loved me more than anything else in the world.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Time is fleeting.  My favourite quote is, “The days are long but the years are short.”  I remember when my first child was born and everyone would say to enjoy these moments.  I didn’t get it.  Honestly, it pissed me off.  I thought this sleeplessness is NOT going fast enough.  But now, as we stand on the brink of grade one, I cannot possibly believe the time has passed so quickly.  I want to rewind it all and let the hands of time pass more slowly.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  What mother doesn’t worry?  I think we all are genetically engineered to worry.  My biggest worry is that my children will grow up and not find happiness along the way.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).   How to pick?  Spanking has to top the list.  It doesn’t make anything better.  It only makes me feel that I was the one who lost control and had a temper tantrum instead of my child.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  Competitiveness or judgement.
  6. I am happiest when my kids are happy.
  7. I am saddest when my kids are sad or I think I have somehow failed them.
  8. My biggest fear is one of my children dying before me or dying while my children are young.
  9. I am ashamed of not being more generous.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  I need to forgive myself.  Like most mothers, I am my own worst critic.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Mostly, I am the person who tries to say it.  Be it good or bad, I try to tactfully say it.  That means I have put my foot in my mouth a few times but yet, I still believe if you feel strongly enough about something, it may need to be said aloud.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I must be an open book.  I cannot think of one single thing that I have not shared with at least one person in my life.  I guess that makes me fortunate to have such a wonderful circle of people who care enough to listen without judgement.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am trying to worry less about the number and more about my health.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  The obvious is my children but beyond that, being a person people can count on and confide in.
  15. I wish I would win the lottery.  Selfish but true.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  Having one parent who you know loves you can be enough to make all the difference in the world.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Life is unpredictable and sometimes you have to stand up for what is best for you.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I believe in karma, in doing unto others, that there is someone/something guiding us and looking out for us but who or what it is I don’t know.  I also have faith in the goodness of people.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I am not sure.  Perhaps that I find a way to work a day or two a week and make lots of money.  Financially it would be better for me to work more but I realize my kids will only be little for a “little” while.  I want to soak it all up and no amount of money is worth missing it!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I think I am a glass half full type person and hope that my friends and family see me in the same light.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

10. The Loves of My Life June 27, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:41 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 24 years old.

I am married.

I have 2 children, boys ages 2.5 years and 7.5 months.

stay home (for now, in the fall I go back to being a full-time student).

I am not sure what class I qualify as. My parents are very educated, but my husband and I don’t make a lot right now. I’ll go with middle.

I live rural.

own.

I completed undergrad, and am now studying to become a registered nurse.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: My dad’s side of the family is English and came over on the Mayflower. My mom’s side is mostly Irish immigrants!

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. 
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Two under two! It’s been wild, but I love watching my boys play together. My advice is just to roll with the punches – don’t make plans or flower arrangements, and for God’s sake, no glass coffee tables.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child(ren). The state of our world. Young men, especially, are falling by the wayside as there are more temptations and less leaders to show them the way to grow.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). My baby fell out of the bed while cosleeping. I spanked my two-year old.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Making broad, meaningless, sweeping “advice” comments to other mothers. All it is is angling for more attention for themselves.
  6. I am happiest when. I sit with my husband, the love of my life, and see God, the original love of my life, in the smiles of my children, the two newest loves of my life.
  7. I am saddest when. I see children suffer.
  8. My biggest fear is. That my children may suffer, too.
  9. I am ashamed of.  My weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My father for emotionally and psychologically damaging my mother and siblings.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  Shut. Up.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I weigh 180 lbs.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  The way I react in anger far too quickly – I strive to be Christ’s love in my actions every day.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My natural birth!
  15. I wish. That people would open their eyes.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. She was right all along!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. Let your children be children.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I respect God, I love His personification in Jesus, and I pray that the Holy Spirit would show in my life. I struggle with remembering this every day.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I will be 30 lbs lighter!
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I think. A lot.