somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

50. Wonderful, and Treacherous March 4, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:12 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. He is 5.

I work full-time outside the home, and full-time in the home too.

I am lower-middle, or maybe just lower (who defines these?), but I used to be upper-middle, before the recession.

I live urban.

I rent, but I used to own. I can’t imagine going through the stress and terror that buying another house would be, even if we could get a mortgage (and I’m sure we couldn’t). That makes me really sad. 

I completed graduate. But I should have stopped at bachelors. 

I am straight but am also a friend. 

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: white American; British/German ancestry.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents, who believed I could do anything. That kind of support and enthusiasm has been both wonderful, and treacherous, because it has made failing inevitably worse (emotionally anyway) than it might otherwise have been.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Soak it in, the preschool years are so awesome. Sleep will come later. Everyone learns how to use a toilet eventually. 
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. That he won’t have good (or good enough) friends during the school years. (My own childhood!)
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Every time I yell at him for some stupid small thing, when the real reason is my own tiredness.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. When they treat kids like they’re unintelligent or hip-mothering like a status symbol. 
  6. I am happiest when playing with my kid – far away from the house, where I can relax better. Like camping or day trips somewhere.
  7. I am saddest when I think about how we still don’t have child #2 and it’s already been five years. Why isn’t my damn body pregnant yet??? Also when I think about how much regret I carry around, all the time. I feel like there’s a huge rain cloud following me around, even when I’m super happy. 
  8. My biggest fear. I am terrified of him dying in some freak accident.
  9. I am ashamed of my past – trying to be successful in the traditional sense (lawyer, house) and failing (combo of laid off/quit career, foreclosure). My current – spending too much time gaming (after my son is in bed) and not enough time working on other interests.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My old bosses, the partners at the firm, for throwing me under the bus. I’m not sure I ever will forgive them, I pretty much hate their guts and want to throw up every time I think about them. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. DIAF, old bosses! 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. How I thought about suicide a lot while I was still a lawyer. 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My weight. 
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Being a pretty damn awesome mom, so far. 
  15. I wish that I had been more clear about my deepest values and priorities when I was 20 instead of pursuing goals that were sexy and exciting at the time but which got me nowhere.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Life is all about learning, and forgiveness is important. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. It’s really important to work hard (like my dad does) but it’s also really important to stop and relax (like my dad does not do).
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Latecomer to spirituality, but it is a sweet and precious thing to be part of a faith community in which you truly feel at home.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. So many things – stable employment for husband; pregnant; better garden; more on top of things. Hopefully will have moved on literally and emotionally from all the career/finance drama of the past several years. 
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I recently read that stating your goals/dreams out loud makes it less likely you will accomplish them. But at the risk of that, I really want to share this: I have a big dream of following in my dad’s footsteps and being a full-time farmer. I really hope I can make it come true. It would be such a great accomplishment and legacy to pass on to my child(ren!).
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What is your dream? What do you believe success is?
 

16. Focus on Life’s Moments July 14, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:17 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 25 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 3rd trimester!

I stay at home.

I am middle.

I live urban.

I own & rent.

I completed undergrad & graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian Canadian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Having my father work out of the country and being raised by my mother who struggled.
  1. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Advice would be lovely. Question: How do I rid myself of the expectation of doing it ‘perfect’.
  1. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  I am concerned about raising a kind, intelligent, confident and motivated child.
  1. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  So far, eating a jalapeño cheese Fat Franks and knowing it wasn’t nutritious for my growing baby!
  1. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The ‘new age’ type of parenting… I grew up playing on an acreage with bare feet in the mud and probably ate some. Never used hand sanitizer, did it even exist? Birthday parties weren’t big shows and they were just ‘play dates’ with cake and a few presents. Parenting seems to have gotten complicated.
  1. I am happiest when.  I reflect on my life and the people I have by my side.
  1. I am saddest when.  I set myself up for unrealistic expectations and fail.
  1. My biggest fear.  Loosing anyone in my immediate family.
  1. I am ashamed of.  My lack of confidence.
  1. Something I need to forgive.  Honestly, I work very hard on forgiveness and make it a priority. Forgiving myself is my biggest struggle.
  1. Something I wish I could say to someone.  NO. It’s not in my vocabulary enough and I over extend myself too much.
  1. Something I have never told anyone.  My sister attempted suicide in high school because of her anxiety and I’m the only one who knows.
  1. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My procrastination.
  1. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying my best friend.
  1. I wish.  I had less financial struggles at this time in life.
  1. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  That no one is perfect and forgiveness is essential.
  1. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Being away from your family isn’t worth an extra 0 on your paycheck. He is still struggling with forgiving himself for this.
  1. How I would describe my faith life.  I am constantly struggling and growing in getting to know God more.
  1. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I take it easy and focus more on life’s moments rather than crossing things off my to-do list.
  1. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I grew up with a very troubled mother who gave every attempt she had to be the best mother she knew how. She was an alcoholic and my sisters and I raised her as much as she did us. 25+ years later I look at my beautiful mother as my best friend and a survivor. I hope to be half the mother that she was, regardless of her flaws.                               
  2. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

11. Love is Enough June 29, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:36 pm
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     ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 3 children. Here are their ages/genders: All boys, ages 4, 9 and 11

I am a teacher, so I work full-time during the school year – off all summer!

I am upper-middle.

I live rural.

I own.

I completed graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m just a plain old white farm girl.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  My parents are still married and happy!
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, and pick your battles!
  3. Something that concerns me about my children.  They do not listen to me!  EVER
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Ugh…there are so many….
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. They think that their children are so perfect, when they are such brats!  I KNOW my kids are evil!  LOL
  6. I am happiest when. My family is all together, snuggled in safe for the night.
  7. I am saddest when. I feel like I am just not doing everything I should be to ensure my family is happy.
  8. My biggest fear. Losing someone who I love so much, again.  
  9. I am ashamed of.  My weight.
  10. Something I need to forgive.   I always forgive.  ALWAYS.  Life is way too short to hold a grudge.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I am pretty outspoken and I speak my mind.  
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I have thought about suicide on more than one occasion.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My weight – I am SO FAT!
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My babies.
  15. I wish. I had more money.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. LOVE is enough, no matter what you do, nobody will ever love you like your momma does!
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. It is ok to be firm, and to stand your ground.  Your kids will love you for it later.  
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I am a Christian, but I do not think that you have to behave any certain way to please others.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope that my husband and I can find our way back to one another. 
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. 
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comment