somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

33. You’ll Get Used to It September 2, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:50 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 24 years old.

I am single.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 16m/F

I stay home for now.

I am lower.

I live urban.

I rent.

I completed high school. Working toward college.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I’m black with white (european) and latin background.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. Didn’t really have much of a father figure, my dad was there physically, but it was as if he wasn’t.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Don’t ever think that it will get easier, ’cause it won’t. It will get different with the stages though, but you’ll get used to IT.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. That her father is semi absent in her life because we don’t live together and that she’ll have daddy and abandonment issues.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Being too tired to bring her outside.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. That they think that they know best and they can not be wrong cause they’ve been doing this longer than others.
  6. I am happiest when. I’m with my child.
  7. I am saddest when. I’m not with her.
  8. My biggest fear. That one day I might not be able to provide for her and to attend to her needs. That I die before she can take care of herself.
  9. I am ashamed of. Not being able to be the mother that I wanted/need to be because of my current situation.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My parents for not being the parents that I needed them to be.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I do.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. Procrastination/laziness.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. My child.
  15. I wish. That change will change for the better and that I’ll always be there for my child.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. You got to put your child’s needs before your own.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. That a father is as important as a mother in a child’s life.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Confused.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. That I’ll get back on track and that I’ll be where I wanted to be in life or at least almost there.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I’m a survivor.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.
 

16. Focus on Life’s Moments July 14, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 10:17 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 25 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 3rd trimester!

I stay at home.

I am middle.

I live urban.

I own & rent.

I completed undergrad & graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: Caucasian Canadian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Having my father work out of the country and being raised by my mother who struggled.
  1. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  Advice would be lovely. Question: How do I rid myself of the expectation of doing it ‘perfect’.
  1. Something that concerns me about my child(ren).  I am concerned about raising a kind, intelligent, confident and motivated child.
  1. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  So far, eating a jalapeño cheese Fat Franks and knowing it wasn’t nutritious for my growing baby!
  1. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The ‘new age’ type of parenting… I grew up playing on an acreage with bare feet in the mud and probably ate some. Never used hand sanitizer, did it even exist? Birthday parties weren’t big shows and they were just ‘play dates’ with cake and a few presents. Parenting seems to have gotten complicated.
  1. I am happiest when.  I reflect on my life and the people I have by my side.
  1. I am saddest when.  I set myself up for unrealistic expectations and fail.
  1. My biggest fear.  Loosing anyone in my immediate family.
  1. I am ashamed of.  My lack of confidence.
  1. Something I need to forgive.  Honestly, I work very hard on forgiveness and make it a priority. Forgiving myself is my biggest struggle.
  1. Something I wish I could say to someone.  NO. It’s not in my vocabulary enough and I over extend myself too much.
  1. Something I have never told anyone.  My sister attempted suicide in high school because of her anxiety and I’m the only one who knows.
  1. Something I am trying to change about myself.  My procrastination.
  1. My biggest accomplishment.  Marrying my best friend.
  1. I wish.  I had less financial struggles at this time in life.
  1. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  That no one is perfect and forgiveness is essential.
  1. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Being away from your family isn’t worth an extra 0 on your paycheck. He is still struggling with forgiving himself for this.
  1. How I would describe my faith life.  I am constantly struggling and growing in getting to know God more.
  1. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  That I take it easy and focus more on life’s moments rather than crossing things off my to-do list.
  1. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I grew up with a very troubled mother who gave every attempt she had to be the best mother she knew how. She was an alcoholic and my sisters and I raised her as much as she did us. 25+ years later I look at my beautiful mother as my best friend and a survivor. I hope to be half the mother that she was, regardless of her flaws.                               
  2. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments.