somemother

part forum. part confession. part celebration.

50. Wonderful, and Treacherous March 4, 2012

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:12 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 34 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. He is 5.

I work full-time outside the home, and full-time in the home too.

I am lower-middle, or maybe just lower (who defines these?), but I used to be upper-middle, before the recession.

I live urban.

I rent, but I used to own. I can’t imagine going through the stress and terror that buying another house would be, even if we could get a mortgage (and I’m sure we couldn’t). That makes me really sad. 

I completed graduate. But I should have stopped at bachelors. 

I am straight but am also a friend. 

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: white American; British/German ancestry.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My parents, who believed I could do anything. That kind of support and enthusiasm has been both wonderful, and treacherous, because it has made failing inevitably worse (emotionally anyway) than it might otherwise have been.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. Soak it in, the preschool years are so awesome. Sleep will come later. Everyone learns how to use a toilet eventually. 
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. That he won’t have good (or good enough) friends during the school years. (My own childhood!)
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). Every time I yell at him for some stupid small thing, when the real reason is my own tiredness.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. When they treat kids like they’re unintelligent or hip-mothering like a status symbol. 
  6. I am happiest when playing with my kid – far away from the house, where I can relax better. Like camping or day trips somewhere.
  7. I am saddest when I think about how we still don’t have child #2 and it’s already been five years. Why isn’t my damn body pregnant yet??? Also when I think about how much regret I carry around, all the time. I feel like there’s a huge rain cloud following me around, even when I’m super happy. 
  8. My biggest fear. I am terrified of him dying in some freak accident.
  9. I am ashamed of my past – trying to be successful in the traditional sense (lawyer, house) and failing (combo of laid off/quit career, foreclosure). My current – spending too much time gaming (after my son is in bed) and not enough time working on other interests.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My old bosses, the partners at the firm, for throwing me under the bus. I’m not sure I ever will forgive them, I pretty much hate their guts and want to throw up every time I think about them. 
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. DIAF, old bosses! 
  12. Something I have never told anyone. How I thought about suicide a lot while I was still a lawyer. 
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself. My weight. 
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Being a pretty damn awesome mom, so far. 
  15. I wish that I had been more clear about my deepest values and priorities when I was 20 instead of pursuing goals that were sexy and exciting at the time but which got me nowhere.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Life is all about learning, and forgiveness is important. 
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. It’s really important to work hard (like my dad does) but it’s also really important to stop and relax (like my dad does not do).
  18. How I would describe my faith life. Latecomer to spirituality, but it is a sweet and precious thing to be part of a faith community in which you truly feel at home.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. So many things – stable employment for husband; pregnant; better garden; more on top of things. Hopefully will have moved on literally and emotionally from all the career/finance drama of the past several years. 
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I recently read that stating your goals/dreams out loud makes it less likely you will accomplish them. But at the risk of that, I really want to share this: I have a big dream of following in my dad’s footsteps and being a full-time farmer. I really hope I can make it come true. It would be such a great accomplishment and legacy to pass on to my child(ren!).
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. What is your dream? What do you believe success is?
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46. I Don’t Know Who I Am November 13, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:13 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 32 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child (trying for a second): she’s 1.5 years old.

I work full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban. 

I own.

I completed graduate.

I am straight.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: nothing relevant.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing.  Being the oldest of three girls, made me independent and responsible, but also bossy and competitive.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through.  You are the best mother for your child! Something my yoga teacher once told me that makes me feel better on those days when I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child.  How our nomadic lifestyle will affect her; by the time she’s two, she will have lived in 3 different countries, on 3 different continents!
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far).  Going back to work. I’m very fortunate to have had a year of paid maternity leave, but going back to work 6 months ago completely broke my heart, and it’s still upsets me to spend the day doing ultimately totally insignificant work when I could be raising my child. I just wish mothers had more options…
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers.  The judgmental attitudes. Everyone has their own personal circumstances, and their own style of parenting, yet we constantly criticize and look down on those who do things differently from the way we think they should be done. Every mother does what’s best for her baby, and it’s absolutely not our place to criticize or condemn her for choices.
  6. I am happiest when I’m snuggling with my baby girl.
  7. I am saddest when I leave the house to go to work in the morning.
  8. My biggest fear. That something bad will happen to my daughter.
  9. I am ashamed of the way I often disrespect my husband. I think Dads in general get a lot of disrespect, with the common line of thinking that “mother knows best.” I’m really trying to learn that my husband has his own parenting style, that he doesn’t always need to do things the way I do them, and that I can’t on the one hand constantly criticize his parenting style, and on the other berate him for not participating enough with our daughter.
  10. Something I need to forgive.  My mom, for not being perfect, for choosing to develop a life of her own when I was a teenager and needed her the most.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone.  I forgive you.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.  I don’t know who I am.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.  I am really really trying to chill out and not be so uptight about everything.
  14. My biggest accomplishment.  Creating life!
  15. I wish I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom. I’m all for feminism and equality, but I think something went wrong somewhere, and now women are totally looked down on if they choose to opt out of a career and stay home and raise their kids. It kills me that we pay someone to spend the days with my daughter, and essentially raise her, when I so desperately want to.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting.  To tell my daughter everyday that I love her, and make sure she knows it.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting.  Dads are everything to their daughters.
  18. How I would describe my faith life.  I believe in goodness.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year.  I hope to have had a second baby, and be on maternity leave so I can be at home with my kids.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above.  I am a firm believer in living a healthy lifestyle, and have so far managed to stick with this philosophy with my daughter: cloth diapers, lots of outdoor time and physical exercise, no tv, no sugar, limited processed foods, etc.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments:  How do you find time for yourself? What do you do that’s just for you?
 

44. Even When It’s Awful It’s Pretty Wonderful October 30, 2011

Filed under: Story — somemother @ 11:05 pm
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ESTABLISHING YOURSELF (a few details that help somemothers know what they have in common with you).

I am 36 years old.

I am married.

I have 1 child. Here are their ages/genders: 2/F We are also trying to conceive a 2nd child.

I work full-time.

I am upper-middle.

I live urban.

I own.

I completed undergrad.

I am straight but not narrow.

Of note about my ethnicity and/or cultural background: I don’t think it’s important, but I’m Caucasian.

 

NOW, TWENTY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

  1. The most significant aspect of my upbringing. My dad abandoned me when I was really young. It’s only as an adult that I realize how much of an effect that has had on my life.
  2. My best advice to mothers about to enter the stage of child rearing that I just went through. If today was a bad day, it’s only one day over the course of a lifetime. You’re not likely to inflict lasting damage in a single day.
  3. Something that concerns me about my child. I worry that I’m spending so much time avoiding turning into my mother that I’m going to f**k her up in new and interesting ways, ways I did not imagine possible.
  4. My absolute worst mothering moment (so far). She was going through the 8-month sleep regression. I yelled at her to go the f**k to sleep, long before the book made it cool.
  5. What annoys me most about other mothers. Why the mom-on-mom hate? We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got, hoping our kids don’t end up on the news for all the wrong reasons.
  6. I am happiest when it’s the weekend and we’re all lolling about in our bed as a family, cuddling and giggling.
  7. I am saddest when the weekday starts and it’s a whole lot more sleeps until we can loll about in our bed as a family, cuddling and giggling.
  8. My biggest fear. I have nightmares about something terrible happening to my daughter as a small child. I can’t shake it.
  9. I am ashamed of how hard I am on my husband sometimes. He’s a good man and a good dad, it’s not HIS fault I feel tired and stretched too thin. He really does pull his weight around here, I just always feel put upon because there’s SO MUCH to do.
  10. Something I need to forgive. My dad. Not because he deserves it, but because the anger isn’t doing me any favours.
  11. Something I wish I could say to someone. I wish I could tell my mom to back the hell off without her taking it as an attack on her very soul.
  12. Something I have never told anyone.
  13. Something I am trying to change about myself.
  14. My biggest accomplishment. Being happy. Most of the time.
  15. I wish I had unlimited resources so I could work part-time and spend more time on myself and my family. I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I really love being a mother. I wish I could do it more than part-time.
  16. Something my relationship with my mother has taught me about parenting. Don’t lie. All it teaches your children is not to trust you.
  17. Something my relationship with my father has taught me about parenting. It gets better. You’re responsible for bringing this person here, be there for them you selfish bastard.
  18. How I would describe my faith life. I’m agnostic, leaning towards atheism. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing happening when we’re done in this life, but I can’t explain why it all happened so I’m not completely discounting the possibility that a divine, celestial being set off the Big Bang. But I’m certain the rest of it happened as the scientists say it did.
  19. Something I hope will be different for me by this time next year. I hope I’ll be holding or at least very far along with our next baby.
  20. Something important about my story that hasn’t been captured by the questions above. I was going to be a single career woman. That was my plan. Then I met a man whose baby I wanted to have. And then I had that baby and fell more in love than I ever imagined possible. Even when it’s awful it’s pretty wonderful.
  21. BONUS: A question you would like to see added to this list that readers can respond to in the comments. “What has motherhood changed about you?”